Rubysoho

Hi
I'm here because I've just quit drinking and taking codeine. I quit drinking 2 days ago and am in a community detox. I found out the other day that I've done some damage to my liver, which will only be temporary damage if I stop drinking and taking drugs completely. I'm finding these first few days really tough. The medicine I'm on to help detox is making me quite drowsy and really cold. I was doing quite well on the first day apart from seeing imaginary spiders on my wall. Yesterday I slept most of the day and had really terrible vivid nightmares. Today I feel really depressed, I'm really upset that I've quit drinking, like I've lost a friend, and I don't really know what to do with myself. I don't want to see my actual friends because I don't want them to see my like this.
I've been reading this forum for a while and can relate to what a lot of people are saying. Until today really I didn't see myself as an alcoholic, more like a heavy drinker. But all the withdrawal and all the tears has finally made me see that whether I like it or not, I am an alcoholic.
Anyway, I'll stop going on about stuff now. Hope everyone is having a better day than me!
Carly

Anna

Hi Carly,

I'm glad you've accepted that you are an alcohoholic because that is needed before you can begin to get well.

I hope you feel better soon.

candi7

Carly,

Many of us have been in very simular situations.. You are on the right path and you have been presented with some tough things-condition of your liver and you can see there is hope.. The way I see it, is that we have to fight for ourselves. I think of the girl (me)when I was little-who needed a hug, encouragement, etc etc (when no one was there) and now I'm gonna give her what she needs.. Just like a Momma would- but a good Momma doesn't just give in to her babies- She gives them what they need to get by. So I started really taking care of my self. And what's happening is I'm learning myself sooo well. This comes from Journaling, working the AA program, Calling other women in the program, having a sponsor- and always putting my Sobriety before EVERYONE and EVERYBODY and finding good things to do. I went from being someone suicidal to learning to love myself.. I have a long way to go, making mistakes along the way-BUT at least I'm learning and I learned I can't beat myself up.. We are sick, our disease is alcoholism-Why would I kick a sick person when they are down-well I can't do that to myself either..

I will say, it does get better, it's been 96 days for me-you learn how to deal with the emotions. Go ahead and journal this stuff till you get relief, cry it out and work it out if you can-don't dwell on the dark side though... LOOK and see the good things around you-that may be a list that you can make that you are grateful for.. I was also given the idea of a God box, and I'm not religious, but, when someone/somebody/something just upset me so badly-I wrote something about it and put it in the God Box... It was like I released it to a higher power (whatever it is to me) and it's been helping me very much.. As I work the steps of AA, I'm getting sooo much better and my life is getting better-not always easy but I'm feeling so much more positive... Best Wishes!

Rubysoho

Hi Anna and Candi
Thanks very much for the encouragement. I'm at my lowest point at the moment, so I really needed that. Last time I tried to quit on my own I lasted 2 and a half days. I'm coming up to 3 now, and just trying to stay away from temptation.
I'm just really scared about everything really. I'm starting from scratch.I feel like I don't have an identity of my own. I don't know how to have fun, or what to do. I started drinking in my teens, although I'm 27 now there's loads of really basic things that I should be able to do, but I missed out on because of my drinking.
I've not been to an AA meeting yet, but I think it will help. It's hard to talk to people I know because they don't have the same issues, and they can go to the bar and have 1 or 2 drinks, to my 8 to 10, and then they don't carry on drinking at home after they've left the bar.
Journaling is a really good idea, I hadn't thought of that. At the moment I've just been keeping everything to myself, so writing it down might help. Most people I know don't know I have a problem with alcohol, I've only recently been able to be honest with myself about my issues.
I don't really know how to take care of myself. I can't really cook, I don't think I have any interests that don't include alcohol or any kind of back up plan. I know this is the worst part, because I'm withdrawing, but I really hope that things will start to pick up soon.
I've got serious cravings right now, but I bought my favourite soft drink and plan to read this evening.
Thanks for being so welcoming. It's really nice to hear from people who have already been there and got through this stage and are positive in working towards their recovery.
Thanks

Dee74

Welcome aboard Carly

D

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR Carly

I felt like I was starting from scratch quitting drinking at 30. It felt kind of horrible for a little while but now I'm really grateful for my second chance. I'm sure things will get a lot better for you too. I'm not so good at the basic things either but attempting to cook really helped me early on, it was a good distraction. I am also really glad that I avoided my friends for a bit. I really needed that time to myself. And I wish I had kept a journal from day one, I started doing it after 4 months and it really has helped.

Glad you're here x

Rubysoho

Thanks everyone for being so welcoming.
I was having such a crisis yesterday I went to my first AA meeting. Although I was on the verge of tears the whole time, everyone was really friendly, and I was hearing stories that I could really relate to. It kept me sober that night and I'm grateful.
Today will be 4 days sober.

Thanks @hypochondriac for sharing your experience. The feeling of starting again is so scary. I still haven't got my appetite yet, but I plan to learn how to cook as soon as I start to feel hungry. I was supposed to go to a gig tomorrow but can't face being in a pub all day, so am meeting a friend for coffee instead.

Thanks everyone here, today has been much better, I've felt less like grieving and more like this is a fresh start for me.
Thanks xx

Sasha4

Hi Carly

Welcome to our family, I'm glad you found us!

It gets easier I promise.

So glad you went to a meeting. I was the same, cried all the way through, but I love going now. I feel like I am among others who understand me. I don't feel as lonely or as isolated.

Keep coming here and reading and posting. I found it helped me immensley.

Congrats on day 4! Your doing good!

xxxx

Sapling

Welcome Ruby...I detoxed for five days and it was rough....I don't want to that again. I left rehab early after 18 days and jumped into AA full steam....It worked...Got a year on July first and am loving life.....It will get better....Every day you don't pick up...will get better.

Hevyn

Hi Carly. We all understand how you feel. It's true that it gets a bit easier each day. Hold on to hope, and know that the future will be so much better than that miserable, old past you left behind.

I was afraid to let go of my 'friend', too. Alcohol was always with me throughout my life. It once calmed my nerves, helped me feel more confident, more sociable. It turned on me, though. In the end I was completely dependent on it, and couldn't go an hour without a fix. I am so happy to be free of that numb and foggy world. You can do this, Carly. We're here to listen and help.

Rubysoho

Thanks everyone for your kind words. It's really encouraging to hear you're all doing so well.
Today has been a really bad day for me. This is the first day I been awake all day (the Librium has been knocking me out). I went to meet a friend, who knows I'm in detox for a coffee. She had been to a bar before she met me, and although she wasn't drunk I could smell alcohol on her. I really wanted to talk to her about stuff and let her know how rubbish I'm feeling, but she brought a friend with her from the bar. On my way home (it's a bank holiday here in the UK) everyone was out on the street drinking. I could smell alcohol everywhere and everyone I saw seemed to be drinking. I feel really angry and disappointed and sad. I also feel the urge to have about 12 showers to get the smell of alcohol off me, even though I know I don't smell of alcohol because I haven't had a drink in 5 days. I really thought I was starting to feel better but I feel so much worse.
I've been thinking of activities to do since I got home, but I can't think of anything to do that doesn't remind me of drinking.
I used to drink in the shower, drink when I was doing housework, drink when I was eating, drink when I was watching tv... you get the picture.
I can't eat still. I managed some rice cakes and a banana yesterday, but nothing today. I feel too weak to go to a meeting today.
If anyone has any suggestions of activities I can do I would be extremely grateful. This is day 5 for me, and I thought by now I'd feel great, and empowered and proud of myself. But I really don't.
So sorry for moaning everyone, just having another low day.

Huey

Be proud of yourself, get to plenty of meetings, and most importantly be kind to you.

Rubysoho

Thanks Huey, it's hard to feel proud right now, but hopefully one day I can be. I'm going to another AA meeting tomorrow which I think will help

Taking5

Welcome Carly,

Lots of your fellow Brits are on here and there is a ladies only section if that will help you.

Sasha4

I'm in the UK

I expect that there will be a lot of sore heads on tuesday morning after the bank holiday.

Perhaps making some friends at AA may help.
I often find that my 'normal' friends don't understand. I still find socialising a bit awkward, especially when there is drink involved.

I wouldn't worry too much about the not eating. Just make sure you drink lots of fluids, especially water and fruit juices.

xxxx

Rubysoho

Thanks for the recommendation of the ladies only section I will check that out!

Sasha, I agree, although I feel awful at the moment, I bet I'll feel better than loads of the hungover people on Tuesday!

I'm going to drink more juice now, and I'm on Thiamin, Vit B compound and multivitamins, so at least I've got some nutrition.

You guys have been great, thank you so much. I'm looking forward to day 6 of sobriety! x

ru12

HI Ruby,

I hope you are feeling better. You really do need to eat something, even if you don't feel hungry. Here in the States there is a product called Ensure . . . it is like a milkshake and has pretty balanced nutrition. Perhaps you can find something similar? If not, eat ice cream. . . that usually make me feel better somehow.

If you like AA, jump in and work at it with all you have. Meet women there, exchange phone numbers, go to coffee with them.

least

Welcome to the family! It does get better but it can be a bumpy road for a while early on. Just don't let any bad feelings get you to drink or you'll have to start all over and that's no fun - I know, I've done it myself too many times.

I finally quit for good over two years ago and have been happily sober ever since.

mick3580

Good luck in your journey!

Rubysoho

Thanks everyone! Ru12 I'm still not eating, but just bought a massive carton of smoothie so it's got quite a lot of calories in it.
I had an awkward moment at AA today. They were giving out chips and because I'm on my 6th day of sobriety I wasn't sure whether I should collect my 24hour chip. Someone told me to go up, so I did and by the time I got to the front he was giving out 1 month chips. So although I have my silver 24 hour chip, lots of people were congratulating me on a month. And although I told them it was only 6 days I still felt embarrased. Eeek!
Still glad I'm going to AA even though I cry a lot.
Thanks so much for all the good wishes, you guys are amazing. Thank you!