My life has corners now
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
My life has corners now
For years.... Certainly "the" years.... I have been going in vicious circles.
Sometimes uncontrollably.
My spiral started with alcohol.... Ecstasy ... cocaine ... Crack ... Each spin went lower...
Until this year.
Last night I went to my therapist office thinking I would have the same benign conversation about drinking and drugs and how hard it is to stop completely blah blah blah....
He challenged me about some things I said under my breath... We had strong words... He did not let up.
I left more angry than I had been in a very long time.
I guess it's because I have never been called on things.
On my way home I pulled over feeling overwhelmed. I sent him an email full of the things I could not say and have never said.
Things that should have a long time ago.
Being sober is the ONLY way this would have come about.
My life has corners now.
I seem to be turning them in rapid succession.
I feel such relief someone knows and the dialogue is open.
They may not get solved but they are not secrets either.
Secrets hurt only myself. Especially my drinking secret.
A clear head is the only reason I can move forward.
Weekends are my best opportunities to sabotage myself.
No undermining myself this weekend.
I feel hopeful not drinking.
This is still just the beginning so I am tempering it all.
But I made progress.
No more circles if I can help it!
Just needed to share what being abstinent is starting to give me back.
Sometimes uncontrollably.
My spiral started with alcohol.... Ecstasy ... cocaine ... Crack ... Each spin went lower...
Until this year.
Last night I went to my therapist office thinking I would have the same benign conversation about drinking and drugs and how hard it is to stop completely blah blah blah....
He challenged me about some things I said under my breath... We had strong words... He did not let up.
I left more angry than I had been in a very long time.
I guess it's because I have never been called on things.
On my way home I pulled over feeling overwhelmed. I sent him an email full of the things I could not say and have never said.
Things that should have a long time ago.
Being sober is the ONLY way this would have come about.
My life has corners now.
I seem to be turning them in rapid succession.
I feel such relief someone knows and the dialogue is open.
They may not get solved but they are not secrets either.
Secrets hurt only myself. Especially my drinking secret.
A clear head is the only reason I can move forward.
Weekends are my best opportunities to sabotage myself.
No undermining myself this weekend.
I feel hopeful not drinking.
This is still just the beginning so I am tempering it all.
But I made progress.
No more circles if I can help it!
Just needed to share what being abstinent is starting to give me back.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
I like that, Weasel, my life has corners now instead of downward spirals, and I am turning corner after corner. Very well put.
It's another Friday and often a difficult time for us with the weekend looming, just around the corner. For me, the problems presented by that were the unstructured time (drinking yay!) and the time for my mind to wander into my own personal morass.
There is a way for you to actually get stronger by Monday morning, I am sure of it. SR can help you look for it. Keep posting this weekend, Weasel, OK?
It's another Friday and often a difficult time for us with the weekend looming, just around the corner. For me, the problems presented by that were the unstructured time (drinking yay!) and the time for my mind to wander into my own personal morass.
There is a way for you to actually get stronger by Monday morning, I am sure of it. SR can help you look for it. Keep posting this weekend, Weasel, OK?
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Fresh.... I feel great going into this weekend. More self aware and ready for what I have planned.
I have covered the troublesome times with things to do... And reserved down time for typically non drinking times.
Certainly SR is on the list of to dos.
I want to stop and stay stopped.
Think small and I can have it all!
I have covered the troublesome times with things to do... And reserved down time for typically non drinking times.
Certainly SR is on the list of to dos.
I want to stop and stay stopped.
Think small and I can have it all!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 316
It's nice to have someone to be accountable to and trust to tell your stuff to. I'm in AA and see a psychiatrist and a psychologist on a regular basis. I have an AA sponsor too that will hand it to me.. Yesterday I felt she kicked me when I was down-but now I see I deserved what I got... My psychologist always challenges me to find my own happiness apart from depending on people only.. LOL, I remember HATING being corrected, called on my b*llsh*t and everything... Now I desire the truth, even if it hurts-it's gonna make me better in the end.. Thanks soooo much for sharing!
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Candi... It is good to be accountable. That's why I started seeing this therapist. I could see I needed some structure and place that was neutral in this whole mess.
Hope you continue to do good for yourself.
All my best to you!
Ken
Hope you continue to do good for yourself.
All my best to you!
Ken
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
He challenged me about some things I said under my breath... We had strong words... He did not let up.
I left more angry than I had been in a very long time.
I guess it's because I have never been called on things.
On my way home I pulled over feeling overwhelmed. I sent him an email full of the things I could not say and have never said.
Things that should have a long time ago.
Being sober is the ONLY way this would have come about.
I left more angry than I had been in a very long time.
I guess it's because I have never been called on things.
On my way home I pulled over feeling overwhelmed. I sent him an email full of the things I could not say and have never said.
Things that should have a long time ago.
Being sober is the ONLY way this would have come about.
Bestewishes, M
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 604
Just like kids need boundaries and do better with clear expectations, I think it's the same for addictive people. We just don't do well with open ended and vague ideas, especially when it relates to trying to quit. We need that chart with the gold shiny stars, the homework assignment that we can't avoid, the
plan with an ending goal to aim for.
Sounds like you've found a great therapist Weasel, which should surely help. I think we all need to get out of that "TGIF the weekend's here woohoo" mindset. Treat it like any other 2 days. Work something fun into the mix, but take the focus off what we used to do on the weekends.
plan with an ending goal to aim for.
Sounds like you've found a great therapist Weasel, which should surely help. I think we all need to get out of that "TGIF the weekend's here woohoo" mindset. Treat it like any other 2 days. Work something fun into the mix, but take the focus off what we used to do on the weekends.
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Thanks M and fire
You are correct... I have corralled my addiction into very constrained movements this weekend. I hope it won't always need to be but for now and until my immediate forever it's what got to happen.
We are going to a very very good restaurant in NYC Saturday evening. It has a month wait to get a table and the word of mouth is excellent. As with a lot of NYC places we will practically be eating on top of those next to us but at least they don't have to pass the salt.
I take nothing for granted... I hold no preconceived notions.... I am just going to take in every moment and think small.
Sobriety is mine to own this weekend.
You are correct... I have corralled my addiction into very constrained movements this weekend. I hope it won't always need to be but for now and until my immediate forever it's what got to happen.
We are going to a very very good restaurant in NYC Saturday evening. It has a month wait to get a table and the word of mouth is excellent. As with a lot of NYC places we will practically be eating on top of those next to us but at least they don't have to pass the salt.
I take nothing for granted... I hold no preconceived notions.... I am just going to take in every moment and think small.
Sobriety is mine to own this weekend.
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