seek

When I was in court for my grandson this week, and experienced some distressing interchanges between he and I and then other family members and I, I had the realization that I am disappointed that people don't act the way I want them to (and they probably feel the same way about me).

I couldn't communicate with my grandson - I didn't feel he was giving me space to and I just could not get through to him . . .I had the judgment that he "should" have been able to understand me, and he "should" have been nice to me. My children "should" have been happy to see me and "should" have been polite to me . . .They all probably have a lot of "shoulds" about me, as well.

I basically want them to be different people than they are - I want them to be nicer, to have better characters, etc. And I cannot accept how they really are . . .(it is "unacceptable" in my fairytale, where families are "all for one and one for all," and everyone is kind and generous and has everyone else's back.

ShootingStar1

What a profound insight, Seek. Wonder where this line of thinking will take you?

BothSidesNow

CervisiaVidua

Good post, Seek. I've been having similar realizations. I feel like my AH should understand how his actions affect me and his family, but he's just not going to--at least not yet. And I have to learn to accept that I am the only person who lives in that ideal world in my head, my own fairytale, where no one spends all the bill money on beer, and no one is drunk all the time.

LifeRecovery

It can be so subtle can't it? Just because it is subtle does not mean that it is not harmful to you and those around you.

Those "shoulds" were similar to mine and where my real work started.

m1k3

Your friend,

dandylion

Seek, I understand exactly what you are saying---and I know how much the realization hurts.

Seek, you are a unique spirit, made by God. You should be true to yourself and stay connected to your own spirit. Maybe you should go forth and forge happiness for yourself, independent (for the most part) of them. That will not mean that you don't love them or have forgotten them in your own heart.

Surround yourself with those who love, laugh and are joyous. Seek out these people, they exist--even if you don't know them right now.

You have life that was meant to be lived and love to give others. Maybe, in the long run, the best thing you can give your own family is the example of living a happy life.

I know I am sounding very philosophical........what do you think, Seek?

dandylion