candi7

Last night, I had the opportunity to play the adult role with my daughter-but yet again I let her down.. It started when we were driving home from school, when I started to share something with her and she didn't want to hear what I was saying-as yet again... I dumped on her.. but I was having one of my days. SO I said, sorry and shut my mouth. She reminded me not to ruin her day, It was her birthday. What I did right was, pick up her cupcakes and got her a present. Her desire was to go out to dinner and my roommate decided to do this for us. And at the moment, me and my roommate are not getting along well.. Yet another opportunity to keep my mouth shut. BUT, when I walked out of my bedroom dressed and ready to go and my daughter looked me up and down-like I was not presentable, not good enough (I can't read her mind-but her eyes were not so kind), I asked her, "What??, do I look ugly"-then I proceeded to tell her that I intended on putting on makeup and fixing my hair. She's like, "what's your problem?" I tried to tell her that her eyes looked very mean. Really, how old am I... Then the joy came when I got to spend time at a nice restuarant watching them so happy, and I feel sooo alone inside...How selfish of me, couldn't I just be happy for her. GRR and they offered us WINE-HELLO-I MISS YOU WINE... I had to fake the rest of the night-smile when I felt like crap inside! Then when we came home, me and the roommate had some words- COULDN'T keep the mouth shut this time.... WHY....

So I wake this morning with an emotional hangover... thank goodness for the daily reflections:

Alcoholics Anonymous : DAILY REFLECTIONS

and

Alcoholic Anonymous says about ACCEPTANCE....

"And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation-some fact of my life -unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God's world by mistake."

This is so nice BUT, HA, I had to talk with the sponsor (YES I CALLED HER LAST NIGHT) and she wasn't so happy with me... I spoke the truth with her.
So this morning, she told me where I was wrong again... UGGG Hurts when I'm already having an EMOTIONAL HANGOVER... thank you, can I have another blow please.. yes I deserve it...BUT... GRR.. I am so thankful for her help with dealing with me... SOO

I have to make an amends to my daughter and an amends to my sponsor for another confession I had to make to her last night...

I do realize that I can't read her mind, who knows why her she was looking at me like that... It's not my business what she thinks about me.. I should have known she was being overly sensitive and worried her day would be ruined... Another indication to stay out of it and keep my mouth shut.

I will do more journaling when I'm in this situation again.

I will always call the sponsor when I need the extra help, even if that means a kick in the butt...

And today I must make my amends...

I will not beat myself up-but I will learn from my mistakes

I'm gonna take care of my mental and physical health....

I'm running to a late morning AA meeting.....