Today
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
Today
Today was my grandmother's funeral.
At first (while finalizing funeral arrangements and traveling there... Not at the actual funeral) everything was very stressful and out of habit I said "I need a drink!!!" but I didn't really mean it. It was just an automatic statement at the height of frustration. My sister was like, yeah that's a great idea, and kept suggesting we get a drink. We didn't.
During most of the funeral I felt happy to be sober so I could try to talk with all the different family members (some are certifiably crazy, others I barely knew, others I am very close to... It was an odd mix and rather weird but I tried my best and was and was glad for the mental clarity). During some parts I wanted to drink and knew I would be faced with the choice later when we arrived at the hotel and knew my dad wland other relatives would be drinking. I kept telling myself that drinking was not the way, that my grandma would not want that for me, especially not today, and that today marked two weeks of sobriety!
The service itself was perfect. Many of us got to sing, share, read, etc. I was proud to be there beside my father, who provided for his mother financially and emotionally during the last year when she was sick and then in the hospital and then in assisted living and finally in hospice. He was a fantastic son to her even though he had a crazy and rough upbringing and she was not able to be the kind of mother he needed/deserved. I read a poem I had written about my grandmother. She was a drama-prone "storyteller" but she was also creative, intelligent, funny, and a very free spirit. For better or worse she has helped make me the person I am today. I am very grateful for the opportunity to have spent a lot of time with her in this past year. My poem said all of this and more, I believe/hope quite beautifully.
Everyone lived it and said it was a unique and touching way to capture and describe the complicated person who was my grandmother. I have always loved to write (and she always encouraged me in that direction) and I feel so grateful to have been able to express my thoughts on her life and death in a way that could touch other family members and help me deal with it. We all cried together and laughed together, just as she would have wanted.
Something pretty cool happened after that... I didn't even want to drink. We all went out to eat and I happily ordered mango iced tea. My dad wanted to go to the hotel bar and I ordered cranberry juice and felt a sort of triumph in that I sincerely did not want to drink. I was happy to be sitting there with my dad, sister and some other family members (not exactly THERE but wherever he was) and listen to their stories of their sordid twisted famiky history and to my dad talk about the financial and practical issues he is still dealing with after her death... And just try to be helpful and soak it all in rather than drink over it.
In the end, it was an emotional but beautiful experience. I feel a mixture of emotions but overall I'm very glad I'm sober. I am glad my grandmother is finally at peace and I am thinking a lot about my dad and hoping he will get through this okay. Thanks for reading.
At first (while finalizing funeral arrangements and traveling there... Not at the actual funeral) everything was very stressful and out of habit I said "I need a drink!!!" but I didn't really mean it. It was just an automatic statement at the height of frustration. My sister was like, yeah that's a great idea, and kept suggesting we get a drink. We didn't.
During most of the funeral I felt happy to be sober so I could try to talk with all the different family members (some are certifiably crazy, others I barely knew, others I am very close to... It was an odd mix and rather weird but I tried my best and was and was glad for the mental clarity). During some parts I wanted to drink and knew I would be faced with the choice later when we arrived at the hotel and knew my dad wland other relatives would be drinking. I kept telling myself that drinking was not the way, that my grandma would not want that for me, especially not today, and that today marked two weeks of sobriety!
The service itself was perfect. Many of us got to sing, share, read, etc. I was proud to be there beside my father, who provided for his mother financially and emotionally during the last year when she was sick and then in the hospital and then in assisted living and finally in hospice. He was a fantastic son to her even though he had a crazy and rough upbringing and she was not able to be the kind of mother he needed/deserved. I read a poem I had written about my grandmother. She was a drama-prone "storyteller" but she was also creative, intelligent, funny, and a very free spirit. For better or worse she has helped make me the person I am today. I am very grateful for the opportunity to have spent a lot of time with her in this past year. My poem said all of this and more, I believe/hope quite beautifully.
Everyone lived it and said it was a unique and touching way to capture and describe the complicated person who was my grandmother. I have always loved to write (and she always encouraged me in that direction) and I feel so grateful to have been able to express my thoughts on her life and death in a way that could touch other family members and help me deal with it. We all cried together and laughed together, just as she would have wanted. Something pretty cool happened after that... I didn't even want to drink. We all went out to eat and I happily ordered mango iced tea. My dad wanted to go to the hotel bar and I ordered cranberry juice and felt a sort of triumph in that I sincerely did not want to drink. I was happy to be sitting there with my dad, sister and some other family members (not exactly THERE but wherever he was) and listen to their stories of their sordid twisted famiky history and to my dad talk about the financial and practical issues he is still dealing with after her death... And just try to be helpful and soak it all in rather than drink over it.
In the end, it was an emotional but beautiful experience. I feel a mixture of emotions but overall I'm very glad I'm sober. I am glad my grandmother is finally at peace and I am thinking a lot about my dad and hoping he will get through this okay. Thanks for reading.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 8,335
Your grandmother"s funeral was a time of reflection and a glimpse to your future. I loved your feeling she wouldn't have wanted you to drink. Those who love us, want us to be our very best
I find inspiration in your posts.
I find inspiration in your posts.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
My condolences on your loss, Pigtails, and my congratulations on your achievement. Strength in the face of adversity is the very best kind. I am sure that you feel you did the best thing for your Grandma and your family, that you were present, that you were the best you that you could be. That is wonderful and something that you will always be proud of. Well done.
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Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 604
Pigtails, I'm so glad you were able to get through a very difficult day with grace and peace, you were able to be there for your family, and able to say good bye with clarity and dignity. Well done! Very sorry for your loss.
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