Oh my Goodness.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Northeastern US
Posts: 122
Oh my Goodness.
Hi.
I've been reading at this forum for about a month now.
I need some help.
If only to keep my head up.
I had previously type up a novella here, but somehow got logged out and it erased everything.
AxBF still living with me.
His mom sends him money.
She bought us a vacation that I was bailing on, since I have no interest whatsoever in spending a week in a hotel room with him, however we have a DD, and she loves the beach so he was going to take her. With no money, I thought that would hardly be a problem.
Well. I have no idea what he told his mom but she is sending him vacation money.
I can't send my toddler with him and I can't keep her here and go to work. I know I should look at the bright side and say, awesome, I get to go to the beach now. But in reality, I'm angry that his mom, who KNOWS he is an addict and has said she's not going to give him ANY MORE MONEY, has in fact, sent him more money.
He hasn't had a job in over a year. And as long as unemployment and his mom keep giving him money, he won't look.
I am planning to move as soon as I find a place. I am looking. I am in therapy as I've discoverred, since reading here, I am a codie. This is my 4th long term relationship with an addict. I feel like a fool, but try to remember that, Hey, now I know? Now I'm getting help? I am usually a pretty chill chick but this whole thing has got me all discombobulated. I feel as though I've been transported to the twilight zone or something. And I just keep breathing and trying to move forward. And I want to forward that check his mom sent straight to hell.
Ok. Thank you all for sharing your experiences. I don't know if you realize what a catalyst this board has been for me to get help. You've helped me stay focused. So thank you for that.
thanks
I've been reading at this forum for about a month now.
I need some help.
If only to keep my head up.
I had previously type up a novella here, but somehow got logged out and it erased everything.
AxBF still living with me.
His mom sends him money.
She bought us a vacation that I was bailing on, since I have no interest whatsoever in spending a week in a hotel room with him, however we have a DD, and she loves the beach so he was going to take her. With no money, I thought that would hardly be a problem.
Well. I have no idea what he told his mom but she is sending him vacation money.
I can't send my toddler with him and I can't keep her here and go to work. I know I should look at the bright side and say, awesome, I get to go to the beach now. But in reality, I'm angry that his mom, who KNOWS he is an addict and has said she's not going to give him ANY MORE MONEY, has in fact, sent him more money.
He hasn't had a job in over a year. And as long as unemployment and his mom keep giving him money, he won't look.
I am planning to move as soon as I find a place. I am looking. I am in therapy as I've discoverred, since reading here, I am a codie. This is my 4th long term relationship with an addict. I feel like a fool, but try to remember that, Hey, now I know? Now I'm getting help? I am usually a pretty chill chick but this whole thing has got me all discombobulated. I feel as though I've been transported to the twilight zone or something. And I just keep breathing and trying to move forward. And I want to forward that check his mom sent straight to hell.
Ok. Thank you all for sharing your experiences. I don't know if you realize what a catalyst this board has been for me to get help. You've helped me stay focused. So thank you for that.
thanks
Forum Leader
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In my little piece of heaven
Posts: 2,870
Hello BV and welcome! I'm sorry for the circumstances but glad you're here.
There is a lot of wisdom and recovery here, and others will be along soon to share their experience, strength and hope with you.
Hopefully you can find a way to enjoy the time at the beach with your daughter. I find that its one of the most soothing and peaceful places on earth.
Hugs
Cagts
There is a lot of wisdom and recovery here, and others will be along soon to share their experience, strength and hope with you.
Hopefully you can find a way to enjoy the time at the beach with your daughter. I find that its one of the most soothing and peaceful places on earth.
Hugs
Cagts
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Northeastern US
Posts: 122
Thanks. I love the beach. It's the weirdness of the "he broke up with me and has been acting weird and I think he's on drugs or abusing his prescribed drugs or just drinking on the prescribed drugs and is thus acting super weird and generally miserable to be around" situation that is making me nervous. I don't have to be affected by it here, at home, I have my room, he has the living room, you know? I think he just didn't want to go with our daughter and thus have to be the responsible adult? But if I'm there he can slip out and do whatever and she'll be ok.
You know what? I'm going to have a lovely time. It's the beach. It's my favorite place. It's close to my family and bff. Maybe I'LL slip off with DD for a while. Vacation from vacation, yah?
I guess what mostly made me angry was that his mom keeps giving him money. Instead of just saying no. But I can't control her.
Deep breaths. A beach has been placed on the way to the light at the end of the tunnel. And soon we won't live with mister misery pants.
You know what? I'm going to have a lovely time. It's the beach. It's my favorite place. It's close to my family and bff. Maybe I'LL slip off with DD for a while. Vacation from vacation, yah?
I guess what mostly made me angry was that his mom keeps giving him money. Instead of just saying no. But I can't control her. Deep breaths. A beach has been placed on the way to the light at the end of the tunnel. And soon we won't live with mister misery pants.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: rural Germany
Posts: 311
Hi there and welcome!
It can be really hard accepting that we cannot control or restrict the actions of other people. I used to get quite upset when it was obvious to me that someone was doing something completely inappropriate. Over the years, though, I've learned that getting upset and angry just made things worse for me. I might not be able to control others but I can try to control how I respond.
So I have gotten into the habit of always trying to have several different backup plans for various possibilities which I can imagine. More importantly, I've tried to always remain flexible and be prepared to change my plans on short notice when something unexpected happens.
Seems that you've already decided to go to the beach. Since you love it there and it is close to family and friends, you will have a support network nearby which is great. I would have been cautious about taking a holiday somewhere far away, but this sounds more like a trip "home".
Does you family and your friend know about your situation? One of my backup plans would probably be to prepare them that I might suddenly show up and ask for a sofa. Even if I didn't end up using it, it would give me a feeling of security to know that I'm not stuck in a difficult situation.
I loved this part! What a great way of looking at it! Love your attitude!
It can be really hard accepting that we cannot control or restrict the actions of other people. I used to get quite upset when it was obvious to me that someone was doing something completely inappropriate. Over the years, though, I've learned that getting upset and angry just made things worse for me. I might not be able to control others but I can try to control how I respond.
So I have gotten into the habit of always trying to have several different backup plans for various possibilities which I can imagine. More importantly, I've tried to always remain flexible and be prepared to change my plans on short notice when something unexpected happens.
Seems that you've already decided to go to the beach. Since you love it there and it is close to family and friends, you will have a support network nearby which is great. I would have been cautious about taking a holiday somewhere far away, but this sounds more like a trip "home".
Does you family and your friend know about your situation? One of my backup plans would probably be to prepare them that I might suddenly show up and ask for a sofa. Even if I didn't end up using it, it would give me a feeling of security to know that I'm not stuck in a difficult situation.
A beach has been placed on the way to the light at the end of the tunnel.
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