vspears86

I've been reading through these posts for the past two weeks trying to get the strength to write I guess today was my breaking point one of those days where everything seems to much to bear..feeling pretty hateful. My addict was my boyfriend of 4 years. I've went through hell and back the exhausting ups and Downs that leave you completely exhausted
He had a year clean this month...left two weeks ago to start work in the town he always relapses in and now no word from him. I'm hurt angry confused because he not only left me but he left behind our 2 year old son and my 6 year old from a previous relationship. I understand that addiction is a disease but is it wrong for me to think its not a good enough reason to abandon your family? How can he just turn his back on us and not even care. Sorry I'm just so angry today

Ann

Wecome to SR. I am sorry that it appears the addiction is winning again. I truly hope there is another reason, but sadly it just makes sense, or as much sense as addiction can make.

Right now all you can do is take care of yourself and your children. It's not fair, it's sad and it's not what you want from your marriage, but taking care of yourselves is important and you may find you have more strength than you think.

I hope you find the support you need here, we understand and are walking with you.

Hugs

Freedom1990

Welcome to SR dear, and know that you have landed among those who understand.

I have an early appointment out of town, and will respond in length when I return.

Just wanted to let you know I saw your post, and I know the pain of abandonment. Sending you hugs of support!

Hope87

I'm sorry, I don't have kids or anything but I know how you feel. I'm kind of at that point now. I try to take care of myself and do for me and just let him go on about his ways (whatever that may be) but when you live with someone and have been with them for some extended and even with kids involved I don't know how to not be angry. I mean I try and it doesn't consume me every day but it does effect how I treat him and how I feel towards him. I don't know guess I just can't get my head around it. So I know how you feel...but hang in there. Maybe one day we won't be so angry...

Kindeyes

Welcome to SR.....I hope you find answers and comfort here.

I highlighted this paragraph from your post because it is a question that is asked so many times. Unfortunately, the question is asked from a standpoint of logic.....and there is absolutely nothing logical about addiction.

You have a lot on your plate with two small children. The absolute best thing we can do for our loved ones is to take care of ourself first. There is nothing we can do that will convince an addict to "choose" us over their addiction. It just doesn't work that way. So we deal with those things we can control......ourselves......and we take care of those people (children) who aren't capable to taking care of themselves.

You're angry. That's a pretty normal response to the cunning, baffling disease of addiction. Anger can be a good tool to spur us into action to take care of ourselves as long as we don't stay in that phase too long.

Take care of you. We care.

gentle hugs
ke

vspears86

Thank you guys for the responses. Yesterday wasnt an easy day just needed to vent! I've been keeping myself busy trying not to think too much about his absence but some days it seems that all those bottled up emotions hit me all at once. I guess I just have a hard time understanding his coldness and ability to turn his back on us with no word or explanation other than he chose drugs instead of us. I was so happy because the year clean he had really bonded with the boys had finally built a wonderful relationship with our youngest one and now I have to see the disappointment and confusion in their eyes. I have to watch our 2 year old look out the window saying daddy. It breaks my heart to no end. They have an Al-anon meeting where I live I was going to check it out tomorrow kind of nervous because I dont know what to expect and I know that all the anger and hurt im holding in is going to spill out.

fourmaggie

I am sorry, but why werent you in AL ANON when he first got sober?...
usually the sponsor tells his sponsee that for friends and family of the alcoholic have a support group too...

welcome just the same!

zoso77

He's turned his back on you and your family because you're right. He doesn't care. He cares about drugs. Everything else isn't even on his radar. So, you have to do some work to NOT personalize this.

I'm really, really sorry that this has happened, but this has led you to us. You have an opportunity to learn about this dreadful disease and how others here have found their way back to the light out of the darkness. Take advantage, and welcome to the board.

Best,
ZoSo