dazzedconfused

I have had an issue with drinking in the past. I did cut down on my drinking, thinking that I had resolved the issue(s) behind it. I have recently lost a very close family member and have found myself drinking again. I tend to bottle everything inside and I feel that I use drinking as a release for my emotions. In my late teens early twenties, I drank to get drunk. This is not uncommon, I never got into trouble and I was just a young man having fun. I later found myself financially troubled due to dealing business with family. (Never do business with friends or fams) I learned the hard way. Afterwards, I found myself drinking everyday and blacking out. Twice I woke up with black eyes and injuries I didn't remember receiving until calling people from the night before. Then I was in a horrible motorcycle accident ( yes... I was drunk... and driving a motorcycle) that broke my leg and kept me wheelchair bound for several months. I didn't think it could get worst, but it did. You'd think I learned my lesson, but I didn't. As soon as I was able to drive I caught 2 DWI's in the span of a month. So I cut down on my drinking and met a girl that cared. However, every once in awhile I'd binge drink especially when I would think about my past. When I lost my close family member, I went back to my old habits. I'm not blacking out everyday, but I am drinking a lot and I find myself crying when drunk. I went on a 2 day binge recently. Everything was a daze, I didn't even remember going to work! Apparently I didn't mess up because everything at the workplace is fine. Anyways, I was driving this morning and noticed a beer and wine the opened at 6am. I said to myself, "It'd be nice to have a drink, but I shouldn't..." Well, I did. I bought 2 40oz of bud and just finished 1 before writing this. I am going to seek professional help with my personal issues ( as soon as my girlfriend adds me to her insurance) I want to stay sober until then, but I feel an urge to drink that was there before and has come back full strength. I don't want to go to AA, I had a real bad experience with some loon that needed a ride home and I felt obligated as the new member to do so. Man, that was one of the scariest moments of my life. Anyways, I just need support or tips to deal with my cravings until I see a professional counselor. The last eight years have been very sad... I want to be happy again.

IndaMiricale

Welcome aboard, you have found a great place for support.

Please dont let one person give you a idea of AA ...

I am a proud member and often refere myself as loon... But serioiusly one person out of hundereds of thousands.. You will met pleanty here that I hope you enjoy as much as I do..

shanti83

Sometimes "just for today" is too tough and many people have said that not drinking "right now" is easier. Perhaps that can be a place to start for you.

In the meantime I too would recommend getting to a meeting. I didn't want to go either, but in my early sobriety I really did HAVE to. And do more than just listen. I know the "old timers" say "shut up and listen" or at least mine did! But I personally found it very helpful to at least say how I was feeling. Being honest with myself made me realize what an important decision I was making.

For me, early sobriety was mentally painful. I felt like I had no life anymore. Having somewhere to go while I figured out what "Sober people do" was tremedously helpful in keeping me out of trouble. So perhaps maybe give it one more shot?

If you are completely adverse do an online meeting here. I haven't done one yet, but at least that way you won't have to drive any loons home! Also maybe read the big book. I'm pretty sure you can get the first chapter free online. There are also some free online step workbooks. Basically, what I'm suggesting is do anything you can to stay in this mindset of desired sobriety.

Best of luck

dazzedconfused

Thanks for the advice. I will look into the online meetings and workbook. As for the big book... I gave mine away to someone who seemed like they needed more. I've read it and I think I need to do another once over.

Weasel1966

Welcome dazzed this is a great place.

Sorry to hear pf your so many troubles but keep posting so you have a support system.

Ken

artsoul

Welcome dazedconfused -

You're doing good by realizing you can't do this on your own and reaching out for help. I spent all my free time here to get through the first few days. If you're worried about withdrawals, it would be good to see a doctor to get some help with that.

We're glad you're here and know what you're going through. At the end, I couldn't get past a day without drinking - it's a vicious cycle...... but you can do it.

Anna

Welcome and I'm glad you're here.

Hopefully you will be able to get counselling soon.