emptyshell

So Wed is the day he goes to the Dr. ANd nothing about his behavior even remotely suggests that he is or wants to change. He was hi again today. I have been reading up on suboxone and articles on the internet state you must be in active withdraw for subs to do their job properly. Last time he had to w/d for 3 days & was pretty bad off. The articles say a min of 24hrs is required to begin feeling active w/d, and if you are not in active w/d and take suboxone you will go into severe w/d rather than it functioning properly in the body. He is well aware that he shouldn't have been using, but did so anyway. Then I read on and there are websites by people who abuse subs and that one says you can take the sub and then within a certain time limit take opiates and still get messed up. I am very nervous reading all of this! I am scared he will go into severe w/d after taking it&then use to try to feel better or something, or that he is only going to Dr so I will stop acting this way& he may be considering trying to take sub& use at the same time. I dont know what to think!
He lies about everything so there is no trust in what he says to me, so even if ask him I wont get a truthful answer on his plans. I have just been keeping quiet lately, bc I dont want to "wake the monster", I have been very blah to him and he has been commenting on that. I am also wondering if I should tell him exactly what I have been seeing in him and how I have been feeling lately, I mean after he is on the subs for a little bit. Any advice on this? If I were to say anything now, he would just throw a fit and then refuse to go to the Dr. Manipulation at its best right there.
Last Fri when he got paid I asked for his check so I could hold onto the $ for his appt and meds, he said he didnt need my help to budget his $. Well tonight as we lay down in bed I ask if he has $ for tomorrow & of course he doesnt and says I will pay you back on Fri (I didnt even offer to lend $!) So here I am stuck between a rock and a hard place (help him get help, or continue on this road of using), hence why I am not in bed with him sleeping. I have come to a decision that I will pay for the appt & meds hoping he will pay me back Fri, this is my LAST leap of faith! and if he does not pay me back Fri I am done. I am tired of bailing him out! It is not my responsibility. I know everyone on SR is going to say dont pay for it, but I am going to and from then on he needs to prove himself to me. Prove he can be responsible for his own recovery, his own $, fixing his own life, and our marriage. Bc I am just soooooo sick of this BS cycle.

LoveMeNow

So true CO. The first time my husband took suboxone it was a big waste of money. You have to take them for them to work....he didn't! But this time, he was motivated! He took them for the first 35-40 days, started attending NA and got his 90 days clean key chain today.

IMO, suboxone without a program will be a big waste of money, time and hope!!

Hope87

I have to say I highly agree with cynical one. I actually just went through this whole senario with my AF and after the whole situation I'm just so done with him. About 2 months ago confessed to me what I already knew and back to the subs we go. Gave him money for that. Things didn't change so I knew exactly what was going on. What I think it was at the time was a quick fix. Didn't have money so figured he tell me he's done and needs subs so I would pay for it and he probably sold them. From what I hear they do seem to have high street value. And I did find herion, needle, etc on him after this time of him "saying" he was on Subs. Our second bout with Subs just happened recently, bout a week ago and I cried and cried cause I caved. I tried to get him to leave and that didn't work out so well so back to the clinic we went. Do I see a change now, yeah somewhat. He's trying to apologize and be all nice and helping out around the house again. I can see a difference in behavior but the damage is already done. I mean, he should be out of them soon and then what? Will he go get more or go back to his dealers? Who knows. He's also not working no program and he is basically just taking subs so to not do drugs. I just share this with you cause I don't want you to get fooled like me. Your guy doesn't sound like he's really into doing this and they are never going to do it for us...has to be cause they want to. I have done the same the past few months given him money here and there and do you think he paid any of it back...no so don't get your hopes up about getting paid back. My whole theory I'd tell my AF is if you can scrape up money for drugs, then you can come up with money for subs! Hang in there and good luck! Here if you need someone to talk too. I get how it is....

dollydo

His problem, he blew his money, you are enabling him. If you are sick of the BS you will do the right thing, for you, until then the cycle will continue.

outtolunch

He does not want to change. Do you?

tjp613

My son only took suboxone to relieve the withdrawal symptoms when he didn't have money or a source for heroin. There's a market out there for suboxone, y'know.... and that's why. Many trade their Rx suboxone for heroin.

emptyshell

Well as I said he was on sub previously for 4-5 months & he didnt sell them or use drugs at that time, he didnt talk to any of those people he used to hang out with, I saw him take the subs everyday and his behavior & $ situation were so much better. Last time he hit rock bottom though and the Dr was his last resort, this time I havent seen him hit rock bottom, but he is the one who had been talking about going back on subs for months, he didnt want to go off of 'em (had to bc of losing ins)& hes the one that called the Dr. to make this appt. Previously he said sub is a miracle & if he wouldnt have found it he'd probably be dead. But I do not understand how he could go from drugs one day to subs the next without hitting rock bottom 1st. Maybe somewhere inside he wants to change, IDK I am not a mind reader & he doesnt tell me much. There was plenty of times before that i bought the meds& he paid me back so I am just hoping its that way this time too. Since the 1st round of treatment he has been pretty good about paying me back even if its only $5 for cigs. I have not given him any money since he's been on drugs again, so I dont know if that has changed or not. I know I am enabling, but I am not ready to leave yet, yes I am sick of the cycle& things need to be different this time. But I can not leave yet. I dont even have a job, I cant take care of myself financially yet, if I could maybe the story would be different, maybe I'd have the balls to leave. The $ I am about to lend is the last of my $& thats what makes me nervous. I know that subs work, I had living proof of it, and I guess I just see this as the only solution right now. But like I said things have to be different this time, he has to go to meetings and so do I or it will not get better in the long run, if there is a long run here. I suppose I should ask him what he's thinking or what his plans are when these "friends" call him, blah blah blah. But I feel its a waste of breath bc the trust is gone again & its gonna take alot to get it back.

Hope87- I PM'ed you the other week, did you get it? I didnt hear back from you. I would really like to PM with you so please email me. TY

Hope87

sorry, I'll have to double check. Sorry if I missed it...I'll hit ya up!