Neary 2 years - Intro / background
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Neary 2 years - Intro / background
Hi All,
I think that sometimes it can certainly help to talk to other about your problems so I am going to start on these forums with an introduction to myself and my addiction and recovery story.
I first started my drinking career at the age of 20. Living abroad at the time and having no friends in the local community, no job and a lot of time, I found that I had plenty of time to slowly introduce myself into full on addiction.
It started out with night time drinking. Unlike other people, who can drink safely and responsibly, I drank myself into a stooper until I finally fell asleep every night. At the time I didn't notice that this was a sure fire way to tell that I had an impending problem but looking back on it, drinking to excess like that, every night of the week, should have set alarm bells rining.
Anyway, the drinking progressed into : Afternoon and evening and then, over a couple of years into Morning - Afternoon - Evening.
The thing is, I didn't even know you could get addicted to alcohol. I was naive and had no knowledge of alcoholism at the time. I thought that addiction was only for other drugs like heroin or cocaine and I have never touched any of those. It wasn't until I went to a doctor in this foreign country, complaining of chest pain with my wife that the doctor said "I think you are addicted to alcohol". Unfortunately this country does not have a very strong policy on treating addiction so his remedy for me was to put me on Rohypnol for sleep and to reduce the amount I drink. Of course, I read what this drug was and I wanted nothing to do with it. Besides, I would have lost my daily "high"! (says stupid me). The drugs went straight in the cupboard, never to be seen again.
A few years of hard drinking later and it was time to return to my home country. Still believing that alcohol is not really addictive I boarded the plane for the 18 hour flight home. Onboard the plane I was quite OK for a while. They would serve free drinks afterall!. We go about halfway home and I fell asleep through drink as usual. Upon awaking there was only 1 hour to go until we landed and they had stopped serving alcohol. I was a little shakey at this time but thought nothing of it. We landed, collected our bags and headed out of the airport.
We had arranged a lift with family members to take us home, to where we would be living and they were there to greet us. We got in the car and headed to our new place of residence. Everything about the journey home is a little fuzzy so I will skip to my next memory of that journey.
We got to within 5 mins of home and I was feeling terrible. Shaking and very nausious. I quickly asked them to pull over in the car as I was feeling sick. Sure enough, I was. As I had had very little to eat and hadn't taken my stomache acid medication, doing so severely burned my throat. To the point at which I couldn't even drink a sip of water without immediately throwing it back up.
At home, I went to bed straight away. Leaving my wife with my family who bearly knew her. I woke up in the middle of the night feeling very very ill. I rushed down stairs to grab a couple of beers but couldn't keep them down due to the throat burning. A family member woke up and asked me if I was OK but by this time I was unable to string co-herant sentances together. What I must have put them through I can only imagine.
The morning came and I was very very shakey, unable to stand up properly or think at all. Luckly, one of the family members is medically qualified and works in the profession so they knew to take me immediately to the out of hours (it was a sunday) doctor.
One terrible car journey later we arrived at the hospital. I could barely walk but managed to make it to his office. He took one look at me and asked me "how much do you drink?". I responded with a lie (why oh why did I do that). He could see through my lie though and prescribed me to a course of chlordiazepoxide. Remember though, I couldn't even keep down a sip of water, let alone tablets.
To make this part of my extremely long story short. The meds wouldn't stay down so I ended up going cold turkey for 2 weeks. Hallucinaions, shakes, panic attacks, chest pains.. the lot. I was bed ridden for most of that time.
I was now sober for my first time in years. I was able to enjoy time with my wife and catch up with my family. I even got myself a well paid job.
Now the next part starts.... Drink was about to take me again.
Being bored at work, and with a relative amount of freedom to do what I want and work alone, I decided that I would bring myself a drink in to work to make the time go faster. Only during the day and not in front of family. Nobody would ever know!. So, that's what I did. My family could smell it on me every night and they said so but I would just say "how can I be drinking, I am working!"
Eventually I built my credit rating up and managed to get my own house within walking distance to work. My wife and I continued life as usual. I was drinking at work AND at home now.
The drinking was heavier than ever now and on stronger alcohols as I had my own income. I started feeling very VERY ill and asked at the doctors office about my addiction. The doctor refered me to a community detox nurse and I took a couple of weeks off work to go through the detox. This time the medications stayed down and the detox worked. My family supported me through this time and came to see me every day of the week. They were amazing for sticking by my side like that and giving me another chance.
I went back to work again after the detox and life seemed normal. I bought a brand new car for my wife (I don't have a license) and things were good.
Then, I found out about an affair my wife was having. Well... as you know... alcoholics just search for excuses to drink as a 2nd occupation so I went straight back on the bottle. This time for the last time with my wife around.
I met another girl (my logic at the time said : my wife is having an affair so I shoudl find someone else). She was from back in the country I had been in. I arranged to fly back and meet her. I went to the doctors, got a prescription to get myself off the drink quickly, and flew out to see her. I detoxed on the way over!. Upon getting to the country I went straight to a 7-11 and bought alcohol. Nervous about meeting her first time.
So begins being addicted to alcohol in a foreign country AGAIN.
...
I will continue this another time. Right now I have to get ready to go out. ...
I think that sometimes it can certainly help to talk to other about your problems so I am going to start on these forums with an introduction to myself and my addiction and recovery story.
I first started my drinking career at the age of 20. Living abroad at the time and having no friends in the local community, no job and a lot of time, I found that I had plenty of time to slowly introduce myself into full on addiction.
It started out with night time drinking. Unlike other people, who can drink safely and responsibly, I drank myself into a stooper until I finally fell asleep every night. At the time I didn't notice that this was a sure fire way to tell that I had an impending problem but looking back on it, drinking to excess like that, every night of the week, should have set alarm bells rining.
Anyway, the drinking progressed into : Afternoon and evening and then, over a couple of years into Morning - Afternoon - Evening.
The thing is, I didn't even know you could get addicted to alcohol. I was naive and had no knowledge of alcoholism at the time. I thought that addiction was only for other drugs like heroin or cocaine and I have never touched any of those. It wasn't until I went to a doctor in this foreign country, complaining of chest pain with my wife that the doctor said "I think you are addicted to alcohol". Unfortunately this country does not have a very strong policy on treating addiction so his remedy for me was to put me on Rohypnol for sleep and to reduce the amount I drink. Of course, I read what this drug was and I wanted nothing to do with it. Besides, I would have lost my daily "high"! (says stupid me). The drugs went straight in the cupboard, never to be seen again.
A few years of hard drinking later and it was time to return to my home country. Still believing that alcohol is not really addictive I boarded the plane for the 18 hour flight home. Onboard the plane I was quite OK for a while. They would serve free drinks afterall!. We go about halfway home and I fell asleep through drink as usual. Upon awaking there was only 1 hour to go until we landed and they had stopped serving alcohol. I was a little shakey at this time but thought nothing of it. We landed, collected our bags and headed out of the airport.
We had arranged a lift with family members to take us home, to where we would be living and they were there to greet us. We got in the car and headed to our new place of residence. Everything about the journey home is a little fuzzy so I will skip to my next memory of that journey.
We got to within 5 mins of home and I was feeling terrible. Shaking and very nausious. I quickly asked them to pull over in the car as I was feeling sick. Sure enough, I was. As I had had very little to eat and hadn't taken my stomache acid medication, doing so severely burned my throat. To the point at which I couldn't even drink a sip of water without immediately throwing it back up.
At home, I went to bed straight away. Leaving my wife with my family who bearly knew her. I woke up in the middle of the night feeling very very ill. I rushed down stairs to grab a couple of beers but couldn't keep them down due to the throat burning. A family member woke up and asked me if I was OK but by this time I was unable to string co-herant sentances together. What I must have put them through I can only imagine.
The morning came and I was very very shakey, unable to stand up properly or think at all. Luckly, one of the family members is medically qualified and works in the profession so they knew to take me immediately to the out of hours (it was a sunday) doctor.
One terrible car journey later we arrived at the hospital. I could barely walk but managed to make it to his office. He took one look at me and asked me "how much do you drink?". I responded with a lie (why oh why did I do that). He could see through my lie though and prescribed me to a course of chlordiazepoxide. Remember though, I couldn't even keep down a sip of water, let alone tablets.
To make this part of my extremely long story short. The meds wouldn't stay down so I ended up going cold turkey for 2 weeks. Hallucinaions, shakes, panic attacks, chest pains.. the lot. I was bed ridden for most of that time.
I was now sober for my first time in years. I was able to enjoy time with my wife and catch up with my family. I even got myself a well paid job.
Now the next part starts.... Drink was about to take me again.
Being bored at work, and with a relative amount of freedom to do what I want and work alone, I decided that I would bring myself a drink in to work to make the time go faster. Only during the day and not in front of family. Nobody would ever know!. So, that's what I did. My family could smell it on me every night and they said so but I would just say "how can I be drinking, I am working!"
Eventually I built my credit rating up and managed to get my own house within walking distance to work. My wife and I continued life as usual. I was drinking at work AND at home now.
The drinking was heavier than ever now and on stronger alcohols as I had my own income. I started feeling very VERY ill and asked at the doctors office about my addiction. The doctor refered me to a community detox nurse and I took a couple of weeks off work to go through the detox. This time the medications stayed down and the detox worked. My family supported me through this time and came to see me every day of the week. They were amazing for sticking by my side like that and giving me another chance.
I went back to work again after the detox and life seemed normal. I bought a brand new car for my wife (I don't have a license) and things were good.
Then, I found out about an affair my wife was having. Well... as you know... alcoholics just search for excuses to drink as a 2nd occupation so I went straight back on the bottle. This time for the last time with my wife around.
I met another girl (my logic at the time said : my wife is having an affair so I shoudl find someone else). She was from back in the country I had been in. I arranged to fly back and meet her. I went to the doctors, got a prescription to get myself off the drink quickly, and flew out to see her. I detoxed on the way over!. Upon getting to the country I went straight to a 7-11 and bought alcohol. Nervous about meeting her first time.
So begins being addicted to alcohol in a foreign country AGAIN.
...
I will continue this another time. Right now I have to get ready to go out. ...
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