Where I'm at....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 202
Where I'm at....
Hi everyone
As I haven’t been on here a whole pile in the last week or so, I thought I would post about where I’m at. It’s as much for me to look back on in the future as it is for any feedback or replies!
2 weeks ago AH crashed his car drunk. The following night, he crashed the car the garage gave him. Both accidents happened on the country road we live on, within half a mile of our house. On both occasions it was neighbours who found him and on neither occasion were the police called. AH gets away with it yet again!
I went to stay with a friend for a few days during all of this. The morning following the second accident I came home to pack a bag for the weekend and had the misfortune to meet AH’s parents – the biggest addicts and enablers you could meet. In the course of the conversation it transpired that AH’s mother (spiteful, evil person that I have posted about before), had given him prescription painkillers and sleeping tablets on the day in between the 2 accidents. Some people never, ever, ever learn.
Since then, I have stayed at “home” for a few nights on and off. I need to be here as I am boxing and packing my stuff to get ready to leave. I have viewed quite a few places, and have finally committed to taking one.
In the meantime, AH has had several falls, has continued to drink drive, and has not worked in over 2 weeks – since the first accident. He doesn’t eat (unless his mother cooks him something), doesn’t wash, doesn’t shave, and still has blood on his face from a fall on Sunday night!
Every day there is some sort of drama, some bigger than others. Today I came home to learn that apparently his sister and her husband are taking him to rehab in 2 weeks time. Of course AH was under the influence telling me this so I have no idea if it is true. I was very upset initially when he told me. Part of me is so frustrated that I have gone through years of this crap and all of a sudden they are the heroes. I know it’s all BS though and won’t make a difference.
So, all going to plan, and assuming I don’t chicken out, I will move to my future home this weekend. I am still very nervous, and very frightened for AH, but for my health I need to go. I have had constant headaches when I am around him for the last 2 weeks and my stress levels are through the roof. I am heading to Spain on August 30th for 2 weeks holidays so that is getting me through.
I have so much more I could post about, and so much to deal with, but this is all I’m able for tonight (probably just as well, it’s already so long!!).
Thanks for reading if you’ve stuck with it. Next time I post will hopefully be from my peaceful safe haven.
Adventure x
As I haven’t been on here a whole pile in the last week or so, I thought I would post about where I’m at. It’s as much for me to look back on in the future as it is for any feedback or replies!
2 weeks ago AH crashed his car drunk. The following night, he crashed the car the garage gave him. Both accidents happened on the country road we live on, within half a mile of our house. On both occasions it was neighbours who found him and on neither occasion were the police called. AH gets away with it yet again!
I went to stay with a friend for a few days during all of this. The morning following the second accident I came home to pack a bag for the weekend and had the misfortune to meet AH’s parents – the biggest addicts and enablers you could meet. In the course of the conversation it transpired that AH’s mother (spiteful, evil person that I have posted about before), had given him prescription painkillers and sleeping tablets on the day in between the 2 accidents. Some people never, ever, ever learn.
Since then, I have stayed at “home” for a few nights on and off. I need to be here as I am boxing and packing my stuff to get ready to leave. I have viewed quite a few places, and have finally committed to taking one.
In the meantime, AH has had several falls, has continued to drink drive, and has not worked in over 2 weeks – since the first accident. He doesn’t eat (unless his mother cooks him something), doesn’t wash, doesn’t shave, and still has blood on his face from a fall on Sunday night!
Every day there is some sort of drama, some bigger than others. Today I came home to learn that apparently his sister and her husband are taking him to rehab in 2 weeks time. Of course AH was under the influence telling me this so I have no idea if it is true. I was very upset initially when he told me. Part of me is so frustrated that I have gone through years of this crap and all of a sudden they are the heroes. I know it’s all BS though and won’t make a difference.
So, all going to plan, and assuming I don’t chicken out, I will move to my future home this weekend. I am still very nervous, and very frightened for AH, but for my health I need to go. I have had constant headaches when I am around him for the last 2 weeks and my stress levels are through the roof. I am heading to Spain on August 30th for 2 weeks holidays so that is getting me through.
I have so much more I could post about, and so much to deal with, but this is all I’m able for tonight (probably just as well, it’s already so long!!).
Thanks for reading if you’ve stuck with it. Next time I post will hopefully be from my peaceful safe haven.
Adventure x
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Dear Adventure---I am so proud of you!! You are nervous and scared BUT you are forging ahead in spite of that. That, my dear, is the definition of BRAVE. You have it in you and you can do this. You are already demonstrating that fact!!! Actually, you will get stronger as you go along. It is like a muscle that becomes stronger the more it is exercised.
His family are not heroes! Alcoholics really don't get by with anything---it may look like it at the time. The disease will take everything from them that they have. You wouldn't want to be him. His enablers are very ignorant about alcoholism. But that isn't your problem, now, is it. Forget about them and focus on yourself for now.
Enjoy your trip to Spain. Sounds lovely to me.
Keep posting--please.
dandylion
His family are not heroes! Alcoholics really don't get by with anything---it may look like it at the time. The disease will take everything from them that they have. You wouldn't want to be him. His enablers are very ignorant about alcoholism. But that isn't your problem, now, is it. Forget about them and focus on yourself for now.
Enjoy your trip to Spain. Sounds lovely to me.
Keep posting--please.
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Adventure, so glad you have found a new place, are actually boxing up your stuff and moving this weekend, and then have 2 weeks all to yourself in Spain.
One of the first things I realized when I left AH was how peaceful it was without him. There was no one to observe everything I did and criticize. The tension began to leave my muscles, and I began to relax physically. Had almost forgotten what being relaxed felt like.
You are doing the right thing. You are taking care of yourself, and you need to do that, no one surely will in the circle of enablers around your AH, including your neighbors.
If he goes to rehab and gets better or doesn't better, it's on his nickel now, not yours. He sounds really far gone, and you didn't cause that, you can't control it and you can't fix it.
Time for your life to take precedence. Keep posting, we'll all be thinking of you and sending good wishes your way.
BothSidesNow
One of the first things I realized when I left AH was how peaceful it was without him. There was no one to observe everything I did and criticize. The tension began to leave my muscles, and I began to relax physically. Had almost forgotten what being relaxed felt like.
You are doing the right thing. You are taking care of yourself, and you need to do that, no one surely will in the circle of enablers around your AH, including your neighbors.
If he goes to rehab and gets better or doesn't better, it's on his nickel now, not yours. He sounds really far gone, and you didn't cause that, you can't control it and you can't fix it.
Time for your life to take precedence. Keep posting, we'll all be thinking of you and sending good wishes your way.
BothSidesNow
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 202
Thanks for all your encouraging replies. I have no doubt that it will get easier. I am just so tired and worn out from years of crap, but especially from the last few weeks. Just when I get a bit of momentum going there’s some other drama that just totally demotivates me and leaves me feeling like I’ve been run over by a flippin bulldozer again. And when I think I’m being strong, and not being fooled by his BS any more, I catch myself believing what he said last night about rehab and his family’s involvement. This in itself is enough of a reason for me to get away, so I stop getting sucked back in to the chaos.
The holiday is exactly what I need. My sister is coming with me, who lives in the UK, so it will be wonderful for us to spend a good bit of time together. The Irish summer has not resembled anything like a summer at all so the sun is badly required. And the rest will hopefully recharge my batteries. Coming home to a new, peaceful environment will be a huge relief too.
Again, thank you all so much for caring enough to reply. I will keep you all posted.
Adventure x
The holiday is exactly what I need. My sister is coming with me, who lives in the UK, so it will be wonderful for us to spend a good bit of time together. The Irish summer has not resembled anything like a summer at all so the sun is badly required. And the rest will hopefully recharge my batteries. Coming home to a new, peaceful environment will be a huge relief too.
Again, thank you all so much for caring enough to reply. I will keep you all posted.
Adventure x
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Ireland
Posts: 222
**{Adventure}} you really have been though the mill the last couple of weeks and you can hear by what you wrote that you are so fed up of it all.
Stick to your guns and move away from all this drama and BS.
Then go on your holiday, chill out and recharge the batteries. When you are away from it all, it will be easier to take stock.
I wish you all the very best in your new start...things will be very tough in the beginning...but there is light at the end of the tunnel.
A fresh start, peace and serenity.
go n-éirí an t- ádh leat
M.
Stick to your guns and move away from all this drama and BS.
Then go on your holiday, chill out and recharge the batteries. When you are away from it all, it will be easier to take stock.
I wish you all the very best in your new start...things will be very tough in the beginning...but there is light at the end of the tunnel.
A fresh start, peace and serenity.
go n-éirí an t- ádh leat
M.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,424
Adventure-
It does not feel like it in the moment, or day or week, but this week is two weeks since I left.
The growth I have had is amazing, and thought I don't yet feel "great" I am feeling better and I have stopped feeling "bad" The tools are in place to feel great too there is just some more healing to happen.
Your growth has been even more astronomical....even if it is hard to see it in the moment, across the ocean and these pages we can see it.
Enjoy your trip, enjoy the beginning of the healing.
It does not feel like it in the moment, or day or week, but this week is two weeks since I left.
The growth I have had is amazing, and thought I don't yet feel "great" I am feeling better and I have stopped feeling "bad" The tools are in place to feel great too there is just some more healing to happen.
Your growth has been even more astronomical....even if it is hard to see it in the moment, across the ocean and these pages we can see it.
Enjoy your trip, enjoy the beginning of the healing.
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