JesseC27

Hello all I am a recovering addict/alcoholic and no matter what I do and how hard I try I continue to slip up and I am sick of it. Im sick of hurting my wonderful fiance. I have told her numerous times that this is it and im done with it and everytime I mean it but always seem to fall back into the same patterns. Well last night she called me out on it again and after trying to lie to her repeatedly I finally caved and she has shut down completely and I can't blame her but I want so badly to stay sober this time and I am looking for any tips to help me be successful and maintain my sobriety this time! I am completely committed this time like I always am but I do not want to fall back into that same pattern again where when things start going good again I start testing the waters. I dont know why I lie to her and continue to disappoint her. I mean she is enough for me to stop and want to stop but I always slip up eventually and I am done with it!!! Thank you in advance for any advice and GOD BLESS!!!

Mizzuno

Welcome to SR! There are numerous people on this forum with long term sobriety. Im sure they will be along any minute to offer some sound advice. Are you involved in any sort of program that like AA or SMART recovery?

2granddaughters

I found recovery in Alcoholics Anonymous.

All the best.

Bob R

FredG

Don't tell your fiance that you're doing something ... show her.

AA worked and is still working for me. You want help in that direction, you have but to ask. There's also SMART, AVRT and a few others. Just takes committing to getting better and doing whatever it takes to get there.

Anna

I would ask you what changes you've made in your life, besides stopping drinking? For me stopping drinking was the beginning and then the hard work began. I changed myself from the inside out.

wpainterw

Two things: It won't work if you try to remain sober in order to please, and continue your relationship with, your fiance. The only way it works is for you to resolve that you're going to get well and stay well for yourself, to become the person you really are. And this gets me to the second thing. I found that the best way to get well and to stay well was to seek the help of others, not only professionals who knew what they were doing (and some did not seem to know that very well- others did) but also recovering alcoholics, whether in AA or some other group. I tried to do it alone and for years and years I slipped back, just like you're doing. With the help of others and professionals who knew what they were about, I got into recovery and hope that that recovery will continue. Good luck.

W.

fgo

I was in the same boat as you were just a month ago. I dont have alot of time without drinking, but i do know you have to do it for youself and you have to make a plan. For my first couple of days I was on sr about every 15 minutes reading everything i could about what other people have done, what they were going through how it worked for them. There is one common thread, everyone here wants to quit drinking for good, it is almost impossible to do it on just your will alone, and everyones journey is different. Sr is an amazing resource. It kind of reminds of college, The classes i really paid attention to were taught by professors that had actually gone out in the real world and done successfully what they were trying to teach me. I try to look at sr that way. You can do this. Take the time and make the effort to find what works for you.

Fenris

Jesse, welcome to SR (and greetings from a fellow Alabamian). Some people can put the drink down, walk away from it and never look back. I couldn't, for a long time. I'd get a little sober time and then for whatever reason, end up drinking again. A lot of us don't find the path to sobriety the first time (or the thirty-first time), but don't give up on yourself. I do know that you have to get to a place where you want sobriety for you -- not because of or for anyone else -- because your sobriety has to be more important to you than your fiance is. I have a wife and a beautiful daughter, and as much as I love them, that love couldn't get me sober, and it can't keep me sober.

I also know that I would never have gotten sober without help and support. Inpatient and outpatient rehab, a therapist, the fellowship of AA and this message board gave me the chance I needed. Find you some support; find some people who've been where you are and got out of it and listen to what they did. Just keep trying until you find what works for you.

--Fenris.

JesseC27

Thank you all for the advice. I have a few things I wanted to touch on. I understand that I need to quit for me and not because someone wants me to. I have wanted to quit and was sober from alcohol from May of last year until about 2 weeks ago. My pill use has been the number one struggle and I do want to quit for me most of all but its like my want to and my drive to quit only last a few weeks it seems and then I am back to square 1. I was doing ok when I was actively participating in the Army Substance Abuse Program but AA does not work for me because they make me feel like an outcast because im not solely an alcoholic, when I participate in their meeting I cant share all of my issues because they only want to hear about the alcohol abuse. I have tried so many different programs and inpatient treatment and done maintainence but nothing seems to work as a long term plan.

Anna

Jesse, what other changes have you made in your life, to help get you past the few weeks point? Have you reconnected with your spiritual self, started an exercise program, tried meditating, journalling? There are so many things that are helpful in carrying you past those difficult points in recovery.

I hope you find your way.

rosecity2012

Jesse, have you tried to seek out other AA meetings? I dated a recovering rx pill addict for almost three years while he attended AA because NA for whatever reason did not work for him. He found great support in those rooms, made great friends, and I by association also learned a lot (those were my "normie" years, go figure) but it takes a little looking around. Addiction stories are addiction stories. I've learned from pill poppers and meth heads alike. It makes me feel sad that you felt outcast. We're pretty much all in the same boat, regardless of the drug of choice. Don't give up, and keep reading the forums. The only thing I have tried thus far is counseling and AA, so that's the extent of my experience. Lots of others with lots of other methods on here. Keep trying, keep reading, and *hugs* for trying to improve yourself!!!

soberbrooke

I realized that I couldn't stop on my own, I needed a group of people to help me. I found them in AA. I now have 8 months, and I am so much happier. This is the first time in my life that I haven't slipped back into old patterns. It is an amazing feeling.

artsoul

Welcome Jesse -

No matter how determined we are to get sober, we need a way to keep that going. This forum has been a great way for me to do something every day to add to my recovery, and I think you'll find it to be a great tool for you, too.

Glad you're here!

IndaMiricale

Thats it right there, I know my words meant nothing , not to anyone specially MYSELF. We alcoholic all can start with real and true intentions, but without help against that first sip, we are helpless.

Welcome aboard, and look at some of those program listed. .. Grab on to one or more... And work it , stick to it, and that finacee will SEE a differance not hear about one.

You can be free.

Fenris

Jesse, I can understand why you feel the way you do about AA. Alcohol has always been my DOC, but I also had a problem with pills that I couldn't really talk about in the meetings. What really helped me was finding an AA sponsor that I could share all that with. My sponsor was a cocaine addict as well as an alcoholic and could really understand where I was coming from. Maybe that would help?

--Fenris.

myhappyproject

Jesse - I'm only 8 days in, but I've been trying for the past 2 years to quit abusing alcohol. I don't have any other substance abuse issues, but I do have an amazing husband who I've tried to quit for in the past.

It always comes down to me looking in the mirror at my red puffy face after waking up and probably having uncontrolled cramps and nausia or worse that I ask myself, "what are you doing", "why are you doing this to yourself". My husband ALWAYS knows when I've been drinking to excess and quite frankly I'm surprised he's stuck around to watch me hurt myself. As many others on this forum have said, it's going to take more than just quitting drinking to heal what hurts and why we turn to alcohol to turn away from whats really bothering us.

Personally, I've started a deep inner search along with changing my eating, exercise and mental habits. I was happy to find this forum to share and support others, it's really helpful to know you are not alone.

We'll all be here to support you and wish you the very best.

Mindjask

Ain't that the truth. Our word when we're in active addiction loses meaning doesn't it. In the words of my wonderful addictions counselor, "look good, smell good and be predictable." Your actions will show her your commitment to recovery.

Find some kind of support that works for you. You cannot do it alone. If it was possible to think away the obsession to drink, none of us would be here.