whoa

First of all, I really really appreciate all the responses to my first post. I didn't reply yet bc I felt like I wanted to respond to everyone and just got a little overwhelmed.

Tommorrow will be the first full week sober and my question is - how long until I feel like myself again?

I have support and I'm confident that this is going to go well. I'm more active. I've made a decision to replace the time I would spent having a beer at night with a workout instead. However, I feel a little depressed, agitated, and overall - bored.

I have add which I take adderall for - losing focus on things that bore me has always been an issue. Looking back now I can see how a drink made everything a little bit more interesting. Sober I really don't have a desire to just sit and watch tv or really do much of anything unless I am on my feet and moving. I'm constantly looking for the next stimulation.

As for mood - I am extremely moody. I think this is in combination with the fact that I am currently tapering of klonopin for anxiety. I never abused it or went beyond my normal dosage but had side effects when I quit because I felt like I didn't need it anymore. Pretty horrible side effects just from .25 a day. After getting sick I've done tons of research and have moved my dosage down to .125 over the past few months. I plan to be off it by the end of the year. The side effects of insomnia and irritability have happened every time I've dropped klonopin - but I've always had a drink to take the edge off. In addition unfortunately they're also side effects of adderall xr which a drink also helped with in the evening. I'm not taking about a binge in these instances but a drink or two to mellow out and calm my mood.

The klonopin tapering side effects will subside but I know that the end of the day adderall wearing off does leave me edgy. Has anyone had experience in this area while trying to sober up? Twice last week I really wanted a drink just so I wouldn't be so moody and snap at people but my health is more important and I keep that in mind.

Has anyone else had mood swings? Do you question who you are without alchohol? One or two and I'm my fun loving self. The problem is one or two and I'll eventually end up giving myself permission for more and end up trashed. That can't happen. But I've heard twice this week that people want the old me back. Not drunk me. But fun loving, joking, nice. Right now I feel flat at best, great for a few hours after I work out, and irritable and restless the rest of the time. Sex drive - kinda nada right now.

Any advice?

whoa

I'm just having a moment of who the hell am I really? I've been drinking since before college - people know that me. Is this who I am without it? A depressed and irritable grump?

suki44883

It's going to take time to get everything back to normal. Your brain has been affected and it is only just starting to heal. Everyone is different, but it took almost a year for me to feel competely back to normal. Some things will come and go, but I wouldn't look for a whole lot of improvement for at least a few months.

P.S. to add: I really hope you are doing all of this under the care of a doctor. You're trying to come off of several things at once and that is something that should be monitored closely by a medical professional.

whoa

Yes and planning to see a nutritionist soon as well. I eat ok but certainly not as well as I can and I know my body needs every advantage I can give it. I also am going to get a full work up, blood work, everything to make sure I have no deficiencies. But I suspect my dopamine, GABA, serotonin are totally out of whack.

Anna

I also really hope that your dr is overseeing these changes in your medications. It sounds like you have a lot going on at once.

It definitely took me longer than a week to feel 'normal', at least a few weeks. It takes a lot of patience to get through early recovery, but keep focusing on staying sober and you'll get through it.

FredG

When I first got clean and sober, I did question my life. After all, using and abusing was a huge daily part of it, so without it .... now what.

I came to realize that if alcohol and drugs define who I am as a person then something is hugely wrong.

I don't know what you're doing for yourself to stay sober, other than not drinking. For me the drinking was only a part of my problem. I had to redefine myself. I've said it before, you take a drunken SOB and remove the drink, you still have the SOB.

For me, AA was the only answer. Step 1 dealt with my drinking and the other 11 steps dealt with cleaning up my life and helped me become a much better person. With me though, I didn't really know who I had been before I had started into the booze and drugs. I'm not really sure returning to my "old self" was an answer for me anyway. For me, it was more a case of getting rid of the individual I'd become and building a new individual that was based on a better foundation. After a time, I became the "fun loving, joking, nice (OK maybe that's stretching it) person.

Long story short. It's my belief that stopping the intake of drugs and alcohol for us is only a small part of getting better. We need to also work on rebuilding who we are. The good news is that it does get better

tomsteve

when i stopped drinking, i realized i didnt even know who i was other than an alcoholic, so i had no clue who or what the real me was. i had to find out, by lookin at myself, and making me intot he person i wanted to be, which is the person God wants me to be.
7 years later, i'm still a work in progress, but i'm gettin weller!

michelle01

Those things are fairly common one week into recovery I think. Take it a day at a time, you may find that you have to get to know the 'real you' all over again, most of us have lost that along the way during addiction by numbing/blocking it out.

I'm female and I found doing some crafts and something to keep my hands busy early in recovery helpful. Options may seem more limited for guys but there are those who use coloring in books in a similar way, it's calming and therapeutic. It may seem for kids but there are also books suitable for adults that encourage artistic ability.

I'm assuming that you're getting into some form of treatment or a program, and this can make all the difference in recovery, but typically there's no instant solution, it takes time and is a work in progress for most of us, because most of us have a lot of personal growth to do/catch up on.

Healthyfood

whoa

Im looking for the answer myself. How long till I feel for 100%. I guess its very individual for each of us. Its day 203 and Im still thinking sometimes about the booze.
So it means Im not myself yet.
Hope its easier for you.

candi7

I've been sober for 92 days today, and I find going to an AA meeting EVERYDAY (or nearly), I found a sponsor-(she will walk me through the program and is there to for me if I need her), and I've gotten phone numbers of women just like me-who are willing to pick up the phone if I need them. I've even found a friend along the way! I work the program and learn of myself everyday!

blueshades

^What Anna said. I'm coming up on a month of sobriety and I'm really starting to readjust to the "new, real me." I'm also feeling people start to warm up to me in a way that I hadn't sensed for a while. I was also worried about not fitting in or not meeting up to people's expectations but a funny thing happened... it turns out that I'm actually a pretty neat, fun guy, even without the booze!

I think the takeaway is to focus on yourself now. The people you want in your life are the people who will accept - - indeed admire - - the new you. The others aren't your friends.

It may seem like a lot to negotiate in the early going, but it gets better, I promise. Congratulations on reaching one week of sobriety. You can do it!

whoa

Thank guys. I mean, overall I do feel better. Just the moodiness and being down. But then again I remember how terrible I felt the day after - not only physically but the guilt that came from whatever my actions were the night before and even worse, someone else always had to tell me my actions. I didn't remember and that really wasn't me. So really - it is uphill. I guess it's just hard not having some "liquid comfort" at the end of the day. I'll just keep pushing my body and working on being better. Thanks so much for the support and luckily I have a friend moving up soon who just went through the exact same thing over the summer. It'll be great getting some more perspective from him on what it wa like an how he's doing now since we're so similar.

NoFireWater

Quitting does make you reexamine everything in your life so it is overwhelming, and can be depressing. I've found it's been like a seesaw, I feel either really down and tired, or very up and energized. I imagine it's a lot worse with prescriptions added to the mix. Think back to the person you were before you were on anything at all and it might give you a clue as to who you will be once you've gotten this under control. For me, I had to go all the way back to the teen years I've had a drinking lifestyle for so long.

I'm glad your friend is coming back, I think that will give you some company and someone to do things with that really understands the process.