I'm back again
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Cheshire, N.W England
Posts: 6,803
I'm back again
Hi
I'm ashamed to say I need to come back. I've struggled for 2 years and gone for several months without drinking, then I get complacent and hit the wine. I've been really bad I would say for about the last 4 months, secretly drinking at home, mostly at the week ends. I've caused loads of trouble and I am so ashamed. I have a lovely family who don't deserve this and I am desperate to stop. Things came to a head ( again) on Sunday night. After a very stressful day I bought a bottle of wine (3rd one that day) and hid it in the drawer under the bed. I went to bed early and was drinking it out of the bottle (such a classy lady that I am). My partner came up to bed and I had fallen asleep leaving the half empty bottle on the floor. As you can imagine he was horrified and disgusted,
I am disgusted with myself and ashamed of myself. I feel as though I've let every body down, including myself. I sooo want to do this and I know I can. If I can go for months without alcohol I can do it forever, it;s just that I'm feeling a bit insecure at the minute and need some support from people who understand.My partner thinks I prefer a bottle to him and my family, which is not the case at all. I think it is me who I dont care about.
Please help me, I need you right now
I will do this.
I'm ashamed to say I need to come back. I've struggled for 2 years and gone for several months without drinking, then I get complacent and hit the wine. I've been really bad I would say for about the last 4 months, secretly drinking at home, mostly at the week ends. I've caused loads of trouble and I am so ashamed. I have a lovely family who don't deserve this and I am desperate to stop. Things came to a head ( again) on Sunday night. After a very stressful day I bought a bottle of wine (3rd one that day) and hid it in the drawer under the bed. I went to bed early and was drinking it out of the bottle (such a classy lady that I am). My partner came up to bed and I had fallen asleep leaving the half empty bottle on the floor. As you can imagine he was horrified and disgusted,
I am disgusted with myself and ashamed of myself. I feel as though I've let every body down, including myself. I sooo want to do this and I know I can. If I can go for months without alcohol I can do it forever, it;s just that I'm feeling a bit insecure at the minute and need some support from people who understand.My partner thinks I prefer a bottle to him and my family, which is not the case at all. I think it is me who I dont care about.
Please help me, I need you right now
I will do this.
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
Welcome back. 
Try not to beat yourself up. Its hard to come back, harder than staying sober. So you accomplished something in the feat alone. And there are many people that never do. I hope you condsider a program to use. And grab hold of it ,and work it like its life or death. Cause it really is
I thought this thread helps you even just the tinest bit.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...alcoholic.html
Again welcome home
Try not to beat yourself up. Its hard to come back, harder than staying sober. So you accomplished something in the feat alone. And there are many people that never do. I hope you condsider a program to use. And grab hold of it ,and work it like its life or death. Cause it really is
I thought this thread helps you even just the tinest bit.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...alcoholic.html
Again welcome home
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
Stick around , I love it here because its 24hrs and 376 days. Never closes. .
I know I am here and many others to help you and listen to you. Use us till your fingers hurt from typing.
I am on everyday so if you ever just want to ask something or whatever it may be, just private message me, and I will get back quickly as possible.
Routing for you, you can be free.
I know I am here and many others to help you and listen to you. Use us till your fingers hurt from typing.
I am on everyday so if you ever just want to ask something or whatever it may be, just private message me, and I will get back quickly as possible.
Routing for you, you can be free.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
You have already done the best thing you can do for yourself -- go back to your desire and plan for sobriety, and keep trying. That is huge and you will be grateful that you are doing this now!
I had a solid 6 months of sobriety under my belt after several stop-and-go attempts. (I had 7.5 months of not drinking, but I used other drugs after about 6 months, and definitely intended to drink again, it was only a matter of time... so I really only credit myself with 6 months). For those 6 months I was making great progress, I had achieved what felt like strong sobriety, I knew I was headed in the right direction.
And then I took a wrong turn and fell flat on my face, for a good month and a half (after the 7.5 months of not drinking). For awhile there I really thought I would just keep going in my downward spiral-- I fell off, so why try to pick myself up and get back on?? But something inside me was whispering to go back to that little detour I had taken and get back on the right path--- and now I'm really grateful, because I realize it is much easier (I'm not saying easy!) to get back on that path NOW than after wandering far, far, away from it.
I am grateful I still have the tools and network available to me to stay sober. I have SR, I have reading materials, I have AA if I want to go back (I haven't yet), I'm being introduced to different recovery methods (I'm not sure if AA or myself was the problem, or a bit of both, just that I had real trouble with the higher power concept and would like to find something more secular; but then again, it helped me a lot and had a lot of good things for me too).
Anyway, I'm 12 days sober again now, and not planning to fall back off. It feels really great to get back some of my feelings of pride and strength, and think, no matter what, I can do this, instead of, oh this is pointless and I am pointless etc.
You can do this, just stay focused and make sobriety your priority again. I'm glad that you came back!
I had a solid 6 months of sobriety under my belt after several stop-and-go attempts. (I had 7.5 months of not drinking, but I used other drugs after about 6 months, and definitely intended to drink again, it was only a matter of time... so I really only credit myself with 6 months). For those 6 months I was making great progress, I had achieved what felt like strong sobriety, I knew I was headed in the right direction.
And then I took a wrong turn and fell flat on my face, for a good month and a half (after the 7.5 months of not drinking). For awhile there I really thought I would just keep going in my downward spiral-- I fell off, so why try to pick myself up and get back on?? But something inside me was whispering to go back to that little detour I had taken and get back on the right path--- and now I'm really grateful, because I realize it is much easier (I'm not saying easy!) to get back on that path NOW than after wandering far, far, away from it.
I am grateful I still have the tools and network available to me to stay sober. I have SR, I have reading materials, I have AA if I want to go back (I haven't yet), I'm being introduced to different recovery methods (I'm not sure if AA or myself was the problem, or a bit of both, just that I had real trouble with the higher power concept and would like to find something more secular; but then again, it helped me a lot and had a lot of good things for me too).
Anyway, I'm 12 days sober again now, and not planning to fall back off. It feels really great to get back some of my feelings of pride and strength, and think, no matter what, I can do this, instead of, oh this is pointless and I am pointless etc.
You can do this, just stay focused and make sobriety your priority again.
I'm glad that you came back!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
Originally Posted by IndaMiricale 
Stick around , I love it here because its 24hrs and 376 days. Never closes. .
I know I am here and many others to help you and listen to you. Use us till your fingers hurt from typing.
I am on everyday so if you ever just want to ask something or whatever it may be, just private message me, and I will get back quickly as possible.
Routing for you, you can be free.
I know I am here and many others to help you and listen to you. Use us till your fingers hurt from typing.
I am on everyday so if you ever just want to ask something or whatever it may be, just private message me, and I will get back quickly as possible.
Routing for you, you can be free.
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
IndaMiracle you are an inspiration to me because I know you have struggled with going back to drinking but you continue to come back and here you are strong again in sobriety, so it gives me hope that I can do it too, even after messing up. Thank you.
Its a pleasure trugging this road with you. And I am so glad you made it back also.
Aint life beautiful.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
Originally Posted by IndaMiricale
Likewise Pigtails. That is what is great about this, we can make it. Bumps , scraps, slips and all.
Its a pleasure trugging this road with you. And I am so glad you made it back also.
Aint life beautiful.
Its a pleasure trugging this road with you. And I am so glad you made it back also.
Aint life beautiful.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Cheshire, N.W England
Posts: 6,803
Thank you, thank you IndaMiricale and Pigtails. The floodgates have opened now and I can't stop crying, I'm already glad I've come back, I've been wanted to for a while, but couldn't find the courage. Thank you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 1,193
Originally Posted by Grace2
Thank you, thank you IndaMiricale and Pigtails. The floodgates have opened now and I can't stop crying, I'm already glad I've come back, I've been wanted to for a while, but couldn't find the courage. Thank you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Southeast US
Posts: 332
Grace, I've not had the pleasure of talking with you before - - only here for about a month myself, but I'm glad your here. The thread you started, with the inspiring story of pigtails, and the kind words of her and Indi is an incredibly typical example of how generous the people of the SR community are.
I, too, was addicted to wine. I also hid my drinking, even from those closest to me. I have found that every day I stay away from wine, I get closer to myself. I hope and trust that you will find the same to be true.
Please stay with us. You can conquer the addiction and live free of the shame that you wrote about
Keep in touch. I wish you the best!
I, too, was addicted to wine. I also hid my drinking, even from those closest to me. I have found that every day I stay away from wine, I get closer to myself. I hope and trust that you will find the same to be true.
Please stay with us. You can conquer the addiction and live free of the shame that you wrote about
Keep in touch. I wish you the best!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Cheshire, N.W England
Posts: 6,803
Thank you all again. My partner isn't speaking to me right now, we've been together for about 20 yrs. If I tell him how sorry I am, he just says he's heard it all before, which he has. He may possibly leave me and who could blame him. I am sorry though, really really sorry and I will try sooo hard.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Kent, UK
Posts: 351
Grace! Your story mirrors mine, except my fiancee drinks too and that is a major barrier to my sobriety even though it terrifies me to say it.
I also am ashamed of so much I have done and said and I hate myself for it but I also hate the underlying reason I said and did those things, that I am too scared to tell people what is wrong. And then I just let it build up and up because I don't want to hurt people. Then Bang!!
Grace, as the stories of the others have shown, we can do this!
Chimp!
I also am ashamed of so much I have done and said and I hate myself for it but I also hate the underlying reason I said and did those things, that I am too scared to tell people what is wrong. And then I just let it build up and up because I don't want to hurt people. Then Bang!!
Grace, as the stories of the others have shown, we can do this!
Chimp!
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
If I tell him how sorry I am, he just says he's heard it all before, which he has.
not the words . Work hard and show results , things then happen the way that they are just supposed to. Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Cheshire, N.W England
Posts: 6,803
Aww chimp, that is just so me. It's like I do so much for everyone and care for everyone, probably overcompensating for my mistakes, that I fail to care for myself. I find it so hard to say 'no' because I don't want to upset anyone, then like you I just lose the plot. I have unbelievable little time to myself for various reasons and it gets to a point when I feel 'sod it',no one cares about me so lets drown my problems with a bottle of wine. Thing is it doesn't drown the problems, they escalate,which is why I am here.
My partner drinks, but not like me, he can have a couple of pints on a rare night out, then that's it, whereas I don't know where to stop. He finds it very difficult to understand how I find it so hard to just stop. But stop I will.
I have to and I will do this, I will.
Gxx
My partner drinks, but not like me, he can have a couple of pints on a rare night out, then that's it, whereas I don't know where to stop. He finds it very difficult to understand how I find it so hard to just stop. But stop I will.
I have to and I will do this, I will.
Gxx
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Southeast US
Posts: 332
That all sounds very familiar, Grace. Putting others first sometimes is healthy, but I have found myself putting myself last for far too long. My DW drinks every now and again, but for whatever reason, I just don't have the "shut off valve" that she does when I start drinking. I haven't yet figured out if I just can't quit, or just don't want to. Either way, I know that it doesn't matter. I simply must stop altogether!
Yesterday was Day 25 of sobriety for me. My wife told me for the first time that I've started this effort that she was proud of me. I suppose that's the action part that Inda writes about. Still, my wife being proud of me... wow... that's still sinking in.
You can do this for sure. Find a program that works for you and stick to it with all your might. You are worth it!
Yesterday was Day 25 of sobriety for me. My wife told me for the first time that I've started this effort that she was proud of me. I suppose that's the action part that Inda writes about. Still, my wife being proud of me... wow... that's still sinking in.
You can do this for sure. Find a program that works for you and stick to it with all your might. You are worth it!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2010
Location: Cheshire, N.W England
Posts: 6,803
Thanks CaiHong and Blueshades. day 25 is amazing, nearly one month!
I have been to A.A in the past and met some lovely, lovely people but I have so little time I can't go on a regular basis, but will go when I can.
Dont want to bore anyone, so I'll tell you the short version. I work 3 12 hr days, my son's g. friend has abandoned their two year old son, who I have taken on board since February and my lovely, precious Dad who is 80 appears to be developing Dementia. I'm 58 and taking on a two year old is pretty hard work, especially one that couldn't speak or understand English when he came over ( Spanish mum).
Anyway enough of that. A cup of tea is calling.
Thanks again for all your support. I can never believe how kind you people are!
Gxxx
I have been to A.A in the past and met some lovely, lovely people but I have so little time I can't go on a regular basis, but will go when I can.
Dont want to bore anyone, so I'll tell you the short version. I work 3 12 hr days, my son's g. friend has abandoned their two year old son, who I have taken on board since February and my lovely, precious Dad who is 80 appears to be developing Dementia. I'm 58 and taking on a two year old is pretty hard work, especially one that couldn't speak or understand English when he came over ( Spanish mum).
Anyway enough of that. A cup of tea is calling.
Thanks again for all your support. I can never believe how kind you people are!
Gxxx
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Canada. About as far south as you can get
Posts: 4,768
Originally Posted by Grace2
Thanks CaiHong and Blueshades. day 25 is amazing, nearly one month!
I have been to A.A in the past and met some lovely, lovely people but I have so little time I can't go on a regular basis, but will go when I can.
Dont want to bore anyone, so I'll tell you the short version. I work 3 12 hr days, my son's g. friend has abandoned their two year old son, who I have taken on board since February and my lovely, precious Dad who is 80 appears to be developing Dementia. I'm 58 and taking on a two year old is pretty hard work, especially one that couldn't speak or understand English when he came over ( Spanish mum).
Anyway enough of that. A cup of tea is calling.
Thanks again for all your support. I can never believe how kind you people are!
Gxxx
I have been to A.A in the past and met some lovely, lovely people but I have so little time I can't go on a regular basis, but will go when I can.
Dont want to bore anyone, so I'll tell you the short version. I work 3 12 hr days, my son's g. friend has abandoned their two year old son, who I have taken on board since February and my lovely, precious Dad who is 80 appears to be developing Dementia. I'm 58 and taking on a two year old is pretty hard work, especially one that couldn't speak or understand English when he came over ( Spanish mum).
Anyway enough of that. A cup of tea is calling.
Thanks again for all your support. I can never believe how kind you people are!
Gxxx
I put AA at the top of my list of things to do and haven't found the need to drink for over 23 yrs.
AA is not a "Take as required" treatment, you will have to commit to it and it will save your life. A sponsor and the oldtimers at AA will help you with your "chores".
All the best.
Bob R
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