Monster in my house
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: IL
Posts: 19
Monster in my house
My husband is now 11 days clean from a 4 year prescription drug user and I can't take it. During the day ( we have kids around) he is like an empty robot, but fine. At night he is an irrational lunatic telling me things he has caused are my fault, then apoligizing, then ignoring me, then threatening suicide. It's insanity.
Maybe I would be more supportive an understanding if he hadn't spent the last 4 years lying and stealing and driving my family into finicial crisis. Everyday seems like a month. I understand PAWS can last up to 2 years ( pretty sure thats what is going on) I will never survive.
But my kids are happy. Really happy sweet kids. I know a divorce would change their life drastically.
To make matters worse, we live in a rural area. Its hard to get out at all, especially with schedules.
How on earth am I supposed to survive this? I look at this man and all I see is a manipulative monster that killed my husband. I preferred when he was on drugs, how terrible is that?
Maybe I would be more supportive an understanding if he hadn't spent the last 4 years lying and stealing and driving my family into finicial crisis. Everyday seems like a month. I understand PAWS can last up to 2 years ( pretty sure thats what is going on) I will never survive.
But my kids are happy. Really happy sweet kids. I know a divorce would change their life drastically.
To make matters worse, we live in a rural area. Its hard to get out at all, especially with schedules.
How on earth am I supposed to survive this? I look at this man and all I see is a manipulative monster that killed my husband. I preferred when he was on drugs, how terrible is that?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
There is a huge difference between sobriety and recovery.
He does not know how to live life on life's terms. Getting loaded is his way of coping. What you see and hear is what's left. Easier to blame you and make your life hell, than it is to accept responsibility for himself and seek qualified professional help.
The likelihood of him remaining sober is slim because nothing has really changed.
Enough about him......You can't do anything for him but you can work a program you wish he would. Professional counseling will help. Alanan or Naranon could give you an opportunity for some face to face time with others in similar situations.
He does not know how to live life on life's terms. Getting loaded is his way of coping. What you see and hear is what's left. Easier to blame you and make your life hell, than it is to accept responsibility for himself and seek qualified professional help.
The likelihood of him remaining sober is slim because nothing has really changed.
Enough about him......You can't do anything for him but you can work a program you wish he would. Professional counseling will help. Alanan or Naranon could give you an opportunity for some face to face time with others in similar situations.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
Is he detoxing without medical supervision?
What kind of support do you have there for yourself? Do you have a family doctor? If you have insurance, a visit to your family doctor about the addiction in your family can result in a referral to counseling that insurance will likely cover. As well, your husband should consult a doctor for help with detoxing in a safe manner.
Divorce does not have to be the answer today, but separation may be necessary, for it is unlikely he will stay clean without professional help to detox and without support from other recovering addicts.
Here we suggest that when someone is threatening suicide, call 911.
Have you found an Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meeting nearby you can attend? The hour meeting will be an hour of sanity for you. Sometimes they are held in local churches, so you may find one very close by.
For now, please post anytime and ask for help. And read the links labeled "Sticky" on the opening page for good information
If he seems to be truly unraveling, do not hesitate to call 911. A visit to a hospital may be just the very thing he needs. This problem is too big for you both. It will consume you both, if you do not get outside help. Your children will suffer the effects of a family being ravaged by addiction.
I think perhaps calling for a family doctor visit would be a good first step.
Wishing you the right advice from the right people.
What kind of support do you have there for yourself? Do you have a family doctor? If you have insurance, a visit to your family doctor about the addiction in your family can result in a referral to counseling that insurance will likely cover. As well, your husband should consult a doctor for help with detoxing in a safe manner.
Divorce does not have to be the answer today, but separation may be necessary, for it is unlikely he will stay clean without professional help to detox and without support from other recovering addicts.
Here we suggest that when someone is threatening suicide, call 911.
Have you found an Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meeting nearby you can attend? The hour meeting will be an hour of sanity for you. Sometimes they are held in local churches, so you may find one very close by.
For now, please post anytime and ask for help. And read the links labeled "Sticky" on the opening page for good information
If he seems to be truly unraveling, do not hesitate to call 911. A visit to a hospital may be just the very thing he needs. This problem is too big for you both. It will consume you both, if you do not get outside help. Your children will suffer the effects of a family being ravaged by addiction.
I think perhaps calling for a family doctor visit would be a good first step.
Wishing you the right advice from the right people.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 864
It’s not PAWS, he is still in wd…
And wd isn’t an excuse for his behavior, nor was using…. But then you need to understand the drug is a symptom of the disease and just removing the drug isn’t going to make him all well now . He will still have all those acddictive behaviors until he starts working on himself and looking in his own mirror and seeing how HE alone got himself to where he is today.
The best thing you can do is start working on yourself, no matter what choices he makes for him … leave him to worry about and work on himself. It will give you the best of chances in all of this for a sane and happy life.
I do know the insanity, and I know how bad it will get for you if you do not give yourself all your energy.
Take good care of you.
And wd isn’t an excuse for his behavior, nor was using…. But then you need to understand the drug is a symptom of the disease and just removing the drug isn’t going to make him all well now . He will still have all those acddictive behaviors until he starts working on himself and looking in his own mirror and seeing how HE alone got himself to where he is today.
The best thing you can do is start working on yourself, no matter what choices he makes for him … leave him to worry about and work on himself. It will give you the best of chances in all of this for a sane and happy life.
I do know the insanity, and I know how bad it will get for you if you do not give yourself all your energy.
Take good care of you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: IL
Posts: 19
Thank you to all the replied, it means alot. This forum is amazing just reading.
I wondered about the dr., I have wanted to call but figured that was his move. It's been brought up a few times, and finally he called today. But the dr wasn't in.
I am totally on board with the idea this is his thing and needs to find his own way. At first I had printed a few things for him, including the 12 steps book from the NA website. After seeing he hasn't read it, I didn't plan to waste my time or paper.
But now he's asking me for things and getting mad when my response is "You know how to work a computer." What is that? He asks for help, I give it and it's ignored. I don't waste my time and he's mad and blaming me and everything under the sun. Maybe one of these days he'll understand he has to do some things for himself. I'm just drained and would rather focus my energy elsewhere.
I wondered about the dr., I have wanted to call but figured that was his move. It's been brought up a few times, and finally he called today. But the dr wasn't in.
I am totally on board with the idea this is his thing and needs to find his own way. At first I had printed a few things for him, including the 12 steps book from the NA website. After seeing he hasn't read it, I didn't plan to waste my time or paper.
But now he's asking me for things and getting mad when my response is "You know how to work a computer." What is that? He asks for help, I give it and it's ignored. I don't waste my time and he's mad and blaming me and everything under the sun. Maybe one of these days he'll understand he has to do some things for himself. I'm just drained and would rather focus my energy elsewhere.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: monroe michigan
Posts: 35
That sounds exactly like my husband. He would be clean a few days then use for a few days and go a few days then use. So I honestly prefered him High. He wanted so bad to be sober, but refused any help that was out there. Said he tried it all and its just not for him. I knew enough to stay out of it, but was a huge struggle to keep my sanity. It wasn't until I realized I was the provoker/enabler and left that he actually got some real help. He dragged me to my breaking point. So I left with the kids and the car. He had the house and all that was in it. He spent every dime he could get his hands on including all the bill $ and we lost everything. BUT.... Here is the good part. He has now been sober for 40-50 days. We are getting a divorce, cuz he still blames me for all his shortcomings, even tho he didn't have a job the last 2 years.... Hang in there. Keep nudging subtly with out pushing and hopefully he will come around. Hold on loosly but don't let go.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 793
Your kids will survive a divorce. Trust me. You have every reason to focus ALL your energy on them and on yourself. Keep reading here, find a Nar Anon meeting or Al Anon if that's what is available. Get a physical and emotional support system in place so that you can do what is best for the members of the family who are not addicts. He has to do his own work. Peace. Best wishes.
Getting there!!
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Originally Posted by outtolunch 
There is a huge difference between sobriety and recovery.
He does not know how to live life on life's terms. Getting loaded is his way of coping. What you see and hear is what's left. Easier to blame you and make your life hell, than it is to accept responsibility for himself and seek qualified professional help.
The likelihood of him remaining sober is slim because nothing has really changed.
Enough about him......You can't do anything for him but you can work a program you wish he would. Professional counseling will help. Alanan or Naranon could give you an opportunity for some face to face time with others in similar situations.
He does not know how to live life on life's terms. Getting loaded is his way of coping. What you see and hear is what's left. Easier to blame you and make your life hell, than it is to accept responsibility for himself and seek qualified professional help.
The likelihood of him remaining sober is slim because nothing has really changed.
Enough about him......You can't do anything for him but you can work a program you wish he would. Professional counseling will help. Alanan or Naranon could give you an opportunity for some face to face time with others in similar situations.
So true!! Blaming or being an ass are not part of recovery!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: IL
Posts: 19
Tonight I attended an online al anon meeting. It was interesting, but maybe you miss something through a computer screen.
Either way, I am super excited. Very soon I will be starting as a volunteer at a crisis pregnancy center. Volunteering has always been something I really enjoy, but I had put it all on hold to be around for my family. Now I'm doing something for me!
Wow, 50 days and he still blames you? That seems so crazy. I'm watching all this and I can't understand how a human being can act this way, drugs or withdrawl or whatever. It's really just baffling.
Either way, I am super excited. Very soon I will be starting as a volunteer at a crisis pregnancy center. Volunteering has always been something I really enjoy, but I had put it all on hold to be around for my family. Now I'm doing something for me!
Wow, 50 days and he still blames you? That seems so crazy. I'm watching all this and I can't understand how a human being can act this way, drugs or withdrawl or whatever. It's really just baffling.
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