Beautifulsoul

Hey everyone!
Hope you are all doing well. This is my first post and I am so glad I found this forum. To anyone who takes the time to read this and offer some supprt and advice, thank you in advance.

My brother is 21 years old and is an addict. He has tried different kinds of drugs but prescription pills are his main drug of choice. He uses his anxiety as an excuse to do drugs and tries to make me and my parents feel guilty for "not being understanding" that he isn't just like OTHER addicts and that he needs to pop pills so he wont have anxiety. If I was an idiot, I would buy this but I actually have struggled with anxiety in the past, and I chose therapy and a different lifestyle to feel better. He is such a manipulator. Throughout the years my family has wasted over $20,000 dollars in him. He has broken things in the house,including bones, causing both of my parents to have surgery. He has gotten so close to physically abusing me but my parents have stepped in and gotten abused instead.

He has suffered from depression and anxiety and we have paid tons of money to get him therapy, have even taken him to a mental hospital and nothing ever worked. He believes psychologists are idiots, refuses to do therapy and refuses to take meds as prescribed. He has been doing drugs for awhile but we never knew about it because he would cover it up with his mental illness. As all addicts he has been to jail. Promised us the world when he was in there some days and then said he was very depressed and suicidal on other days. I cannot even put into words how much we have done for him. We gave up our sanity trying to get his back but things only got WORSE instead of better.

He is out of jail and out of rehab for the millionth time now. Initially he was doing so well and we all felt like we could finally breathe. But the past month,it has been HELL and i live in fear everyday cuz he gets CRAZY when he needs his drugs. He gets so high that the next day he doesnt remember anything. Threats of him killing us have become very frequent. He demands at least $30 a day, has never worked in his life and has no intention to, and if we happen to not have any money, all hell breaks loose. He breaks things in the house, threatens he will get a gun and shoot us all if we dont have the money by tonight and more craziness. He is in probation still and I feel like the state is just messing with us. They found drugs in his system and gave him "one more chance" to get himself together. His next court date is in two months and I can't live like this for two months. I literally fear for my life because he is so violent and I have been very close to being seriously injured by him. PLEASE DO NOT DISGARD HIS THREATS AS JUST WORDS OF AN ADDICT. He can be very dangerous on drugs. He says things that resemble a psychopath. He says if I call the cops on him and if they put him in jail because of that call, I will regret it and he will make it his mission to kill me. After all I have done for him, I cannot believe this.

I am not asking how to get him better because I no longer have a brother. I am asking what can I do to escape. If I move away and change my name, can he ever find me? Because even if he gets better, even if he becomes the president of the United States, I have no intention of ever speaking to him. I cannot even explain how miserable my home life has been because of him. He also has made it clear he has no intention of ever getting clean and he doesnt think drugs are wrong. He says people who dont do drugs are idiots and have no idea what we are missing. My father almost died recently and he had no sympathy and told him he would send him back in a coma if he didnt give him money. My father is unemployed and has no money. What can we do? How can we save ourselves? My husband and I are living here temporarily due to financial reasons and won't be able to move for a couple of months. Please any advice is appreciated and very much needed. Thank you for your time and God bless!

suki44883

No one here would ever disregard his threats as being just words of an addict. It is well known that an addict can be extremely dangerous when they can't get their drug.

You or your parents need to call the police when he starts his crap. You can also contact a domestic violence center and talk to them. They can help you get away from that nightmare, but you have to reach out for help.

Welcome to SR. We know what it's like to deal with addicted loved ones and you will find a lot of support here. Please do whatever is necessary to get out of that house.

FenwayFaithful

Call the police.

He is in violation of his parole for sure. Without a doubt.

They will arrest him and he will go back to jail where he belongs.

I would also get a restraining order against him and a no contact order. The way when he gets out of jail if he comes anywhere near you he will be right back in jail again.

I am so sorry for what you're going through.

Beautifulsoul

Thank you both so much!
I guess I am scared to call the police because of his threats that he would find me and kill me once he gets out of jail. I dont know if that is just an empty threat or if he means it. He still holds grudges from years ago with old friends and says he wants to kill them too. Lately he is CONSTANTLY talking about killing somebody and he sounds and looks so creepy when he says it. I am probably being irrational and should call the cops next time he gets violent but I am scared. It has been years since I have seen my brother "normal" and I have no idea if this is the drugs talking or if he has deeper issues. Also, do I goggle the numbers to these places? What would be the outcome if I called? I'm trying to make the best decisions and it feels like they are all wrong decisions. I also feel alone in this because my friends cannot even comprehend what life with an addict is like. I am in my early 20's and just graduated college. Currently looking for a job. My husband works but due to some reasons, we cannot move right now because you need to sign a one year lease for most apartments and we dont want to live here for one year. My husband is going to get a promotion outside of our state in a few months and that is why we are staying with my parents for now and didnt renew our apt. lease. Yet livng here is impossible and hellish. I have went through so much with my family for years but this month has been the worst. I dont know how he doesnt overdose, the amount of pills he takes is rediculous.

FenwayFaithful

I am so sorry for what you're going through.

Addicts are very manipulative. He is trying to terrorize, hurt and scare you. And I'm sure he is very aware of what he's doing. The drugs have robbed him of any ability he has to care or be a decent human being.

I would share with the cops just how scared you are.That you are thinking about moving out of state...truth is if he's already been arrested before and has a record he will hopefully go to jail for a while, especially if he continues to violate the terms of his parole.

I do think a restraining order is necessary. There is no way to tell what he is capable of. But I think you're in more danger if you DON'T involve the police.

I can't say what the outcome will be but my guess is you will get help and protection and he will be put in jail. Hopefully for a long time. And if he continues to try and contact you or shows up on your property he'll be arrested again and again with a no contact or restraining order.

I know with my ex because he's violated his parole he's basically going to get the harshest penalty possible. Especially with his record...my guess is it would be that way with your brother too.

Maybe you can talk to your local police station and just ask what would happen hypothetically just so you're prepared?

Beautifulsoul

You're right. I should get the police involved. I have the number to the District Attorney and they even do private consulataions. I can't believe the court gave him another chance after finding drugs in his urine. They said if they find drugs again, he will go to jail. Why would they let him free after he violated his parole? If he goes to jail, my parents will sell the house and move out of state. Basically dissown him, and my parents have been enablers for such a long time and have done everything for my brother, so imagine how bad things are for us all to have gotten to this point. We always felt bad because he has struggled with depression and social anxiety and has nothing in his life, but i KNOW that is NOT an excuse. What I am really dissappointed with is the legal system. They are allowing him to violate his parole left and right. It isn't fair.

LoveMeNow

I am so sorry for your situation. No one should have to live with this kind of abuse.

Is it possible for all of you to get a restraining order against him and keep him away for good?? Are your parents willing to allow him the feel the consequences to his choices?

Beautifulsoul

Thank you for the kind words!! It is nice to talk about this to people and not be ignored.

As far as my parents go, yes they are willing to do that!! But we are scared to get a restraining order right now. He is involved with the wrong crew, you could call them young criminals. He is infatuated with the "gangsta life" as he calls it. We were raised in a middle class household and do not live near "the hood", but he goes out of his way to go there. I truly believe he would try to come and hurt us if we get a restraining order. I fear calling the cops and them doing nothing other than aggravate my brother. My parents are trying to sell the house and relocate, but it will be tough moving to a new place, finding jobs and selling the house in this market takes so much time. He will probably go back to jail again but for now he is not in jail and he is dangerous. Living with him is unpredictable. Ironically, I like him better when he is high than when he isnt high and trying to get high. Our family basically does whatever he says. We are his little puppets. He has been physically abusive in the past so I fear that and u never know what to expect with him from day to day. Very unpredictable!

stairs

Hello

I am not sure what kind of drugs he is using but, what I did, finally, was come upon my daughter using heroin in the bathroom. She was on probation at the time. So I calmly - probably the first time I was ever calm about it, usually I was confrontational which is a big mistake and it took a few years of abuse, theft and pain to "get" that. I went outside and calmly called an ambulance, expressing concern that she may overdose. They were there in ten minutes and a cop too. I did not hysterically accuse or even use the word heroin but let the cop know all was not as it appeared, so he went up and had a look around and sure enough found some heroin and needles. Which is a PV. In addition she had stolen $600 from me and was so high that , sitting in the back of the cop car, admitted it. So he charged her with theft by unlawful taking as it's called here.

I know it sounds awful but it was hellish living with that. Here it's called
302'ing them.

I sincerely wish you the best and send big hugs.

zoso77

No games. If you feel threatened, call the cops.

stairs

With all due respect, before I 302'd her I called the cops many times.
They would take an hour to show up, then be wishy washy about the situation, because they have to write a report that will stand in front of a judge. I just mean, that they need evidence or to witness a situation. Making a civil complaint is possible sure but takes a little while to process through the system.


I speak from experience. By the time they got there she was usually long gone and unless there was actual evidence it's just your word against theirs.

No offense zoso. I am just sharing what my experience was.

GardenMama

Mental illness and the fact that he is violent & threatening violence against others seems like a good enough reason to involve police & EMTs.

I am really scared for you and your family. I hope you will all make a move to get him out of your home ASAP.

It sounds like he is on more than pills...doesn't meth make users psychotic when they use and even when they are coming off it?

I am so sorry for your troubles. I hope it all resolves peacefully. Please keep us posted.

zoso77

None taken.

stairs

My daughter was very violent and threatening when she was high and wanted money. But I could never prove it.

Sorry I am so drawn out in making my point with all of these posts!! I promise this is the last one.

She attacked me, disconnected all the phones by removing the batteries so I couldn't call the police, robbed me, sold my cameras and stuff like that, waffed a big chain at me, it was like she was a demonized version of my daughter. I used to lock myself in my bedroom.
It was extremely frightening. That's the only time in my life I truly hyperventilated.

But the police had no evidence. She would terrorize me and split. They would get here and there I was telling them OMG she did this or that and they're just like Hmm. Because in our justice system we all get a fair trial.
So I finally caught on and got her out of my home.

I really really hope you guys find a way to deal with your brother. I know how terrifying it can be to see someone you thought you knew turn into a monster. And, she's been clean for 6 months now and is back to her sweet self. But she does not live with me.

Hugs.

crazybabie

Have you considered calling his probation officer? Tell him/her what is occurring in the home and about the death threats see if maybe he/she can pop a surprise drug test ?

I understand your fears I truly do my oldest AS sounds a lot like your brother. I use to lock myself and my other 2 kids in a room with everything I could get a hold of placed against the door I called the police and the dispatcher could hear what was happening, he was taken to the psych ward and then sent to jail.

TudyMagrudy

I'm so sorry that sounds terrible! just wanted to add most cell phones have video recorders on them or at the very least voice recorders now a days and it might not be a bad idea to start recording these rants if you van safely do so. The voice recording may be easier because you can horses turn it on and set the phone on a table nearby and not tip him off that he's being recorded.at the very least you should start writing down detailed accounts of each time he acts violently and or threaten you. I hope you can get out of there soon$

Beautifulsoul

He got violent and i called the police but he ran off. we pressed charges and now my parents want to drop the charges and allegations against him because now we are terrified. i am going to cut contact with them all. we are staying at a friends' house right now but clearly cant stay here forever. a warrant is out for his arrest. but my parents are having 2nd thoughts.

FenwayFaithful

I hope your parents don't change their minds.

It's what he wants. To manipulate and control and scare you out of putting him back where he belongs...

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family tonight.

Please stay safe.

I hope the cops put him in jail ASAP it's where he belongs.

Beautifulsoul

I called the police department and they said "if u filed a report today i highly doubt that a warrant will be out tomorrow. it could take up to a week." i felt like he had no compassion and couldnt wait to get me off the phone. i asked if i could drop charges and he said no. what do we do? where can we go? esp now that *i* pressed charges and signed everything he will have it in for me. i feel like im in a nightmare. i wana drop charges and move far away. i called the abuse hotline and i feel like nobody is helping or cares. please im in desperate need of advice. thank u all so much for all the support.

Anaya

It's so hard to live like that, I know. I agree with others and encourage you to continue to reach out for help and generally do everything you can to keep him at a distance and protect yourself and family.

Keeping you in my prayers.