mitch4133

Hi everyone, my name is Michele and just wanted some advice on what I should do. I have been with my boyfriend for over the past 7 years. Early on in our relationship I could tell he was a drinker. I myself rarely drink. I might have a glass of wine 1-2 times a month and I've always been this way. I grew up with an alcoholic father, who was sober for the past 5 or so years but he is now drinking again and I refuse to speak to him. That's a whole other story which I won't get into.

My bf realized he had a problem about 3 years ago. He was getting intoxicated and driving, yelling at his son or me for no reason. Although he's never hit me, when he's intoxicated I'm scared to even speak to him. He knows my feelings about drinking since growin up in an abusive alcoholic house. My last straw was when I came home from work (I work midnights) and he is passed out on the couch and his golf buddy on the other couch and there is vomit everywhere. In my shoes, couch and it forevered stained my hardwood floors. And to explain why I was so upset is because I have an extreme phobia of vomit. Which he knows and I've been in counciling for. I can't be near it, or see it and I was very upset that I asked him to clean it up and all I did was get ridiculed for being upset about my phobia. My bf tended to get mean during his drinking or the day after he did something wrong. Like when he crashed into either another car or wall when drinking and driving...I never found out the truth but searched for hit and runs on the news. That was the last straw for me, so I left, moved out. He realized it was bad, wanted help and to get me back so he went to counciling.

So as far ask new he was doing very well for about 3 years. I knew he had a couple slip ups but he always returned to counciling. Well at New Years Eve he ordered a glass of wine with dinner. I felt my stomach turn but he's an adult I thought 46yrs old it's been 3 years maybe he can handle one glass. He did didn't drink for a while, then golf season started. I've suspected he was drinking but he got home after I left for work so I couldn't prove anything. He has drank more wine and it's moved from one glass with dinner to two or just suggesting getting a bottle to drink while watching tv. If I say no, he drops it and won't drink. Well, last night he got home from golf I kissed him, smelled and tasted alcohol. So after getting courage I asked. He said he drank one vodka lemonade. I don't believe him. He was acting weird and reeked. It wasn't one. And he even stopped to get wine, which I think he was trying to cover the alcohol smell with the wine is I wouldn't question him.

I just don't know what to do. He will get defensive if I bring it up. I love him very much and want him to be sober and I know I can't force him. I just feel sick about him drinking so he knew I would find out. It's like he doesn't care I know. Do I threaten to leave again? Suggest counciling? He knows I'm upset and I didn't talk to him last night, just went to bed. He was gone golfing when I woke up with a note dying he'll have dinner waiting before I work tonight. Which I think is guilt. Should I wait to see if he does it again? I'm so confused and hurt I don't k ow what to do.

Thanks,

Michele

sugarbear1

Welcome to SR!

Try the Family and Friends Forum. Have you gone to Al Anon?

Glad you are here!

flutter

Well.. he's going to drink if he wants to, I think you need to decide what you're ok living with. You'll find a ton of support on the Friends and Family section like sugarbear1 said.

TorontoGuy28

You can't make him stop, nor fix his alcoholism.

Until he admits powerlessness over alcohol and accepts it, things will only get worse.

Sounds like he is holding on to the idea that he can drink like a normal person.

Is this the ride you want to be on ?

Issues like these are complex for a partner, but I strongly suggests you leave.

Getting counseling is a band-aid solution that might work temporarily.

Good luck !

mitch4133

Thanks everyone. I didn't know where to post, I'll head over to the family forum.