MissyShelle76

I haven't had a drink in 6 days. The first few days were rough. Headaches and exhaustion. It was an exhaustion unlike anything I have experienced in a long time. So I spent those 3 days resting, drinking a lot of water and green tea. I then picked up some Powerade Zero. (My new best friend....amazing stuff). I have hung out with my daughters. Talked to friends.

I know 6 days is early. I'm not really having physical cravings, just mental ones. I really wanted to go out last night. Thank God for a late paycheck .

But I am enjoying the mornings of waking up refreshed, not wasting a day recovering from the night before.

I'm starting Insanity tomorrow. Time to get my body back into fighting shape. Plus, I have read enough to know that exercise is a wonderful outlet.

It's funny though, 7 years ago, I worked my ass off (literally) to lose 70 pounds. I was ending my marriage and exercise was my outlet. It helped me deal with the pain and the fear of being on my own for the first time really in my life.

But w/ the weight loss came a lot of attention and my introduction to the bars. (I was a late bloomer I guess. Or I can blame it the fact that I spent my 20's having babies and raising them). Over the past year or so, alcohol (And I) have slowly destroyed all that hard work. It's time to do a nice circle and get my body back and give up the alcohol.

Today is also 4 years since I lost my Mom to cancer. Usually, in the past 4 years, I would have spent the week leading up to this day drunk. I spent the week leading up to it this year resting, hanging with my daughters, cleaning my house, preparing for the start of Fall classes. It feels good. I'm doing it the way she would have been proud.

I still want to drink. But not badly right now. I know in my past attempt at sobriety, the real cravings wont hit for a few weeks. Again, not physical but mental.

I am also learning to face my biggest obstacle: My stubborn denial of the fact that I am truly an alcoholic. I CANNOT drink socially. I wish I could. I really do. Have a few drinks with girlfriends, go home and resume life. But for me, it's have a beer, awaken the beast and not stop until 1. I run out of money 2. no one will buy me a drink 3. Bar closes.

For the first time in a long time, I have managed to create a life amidst my drinking that I don't want to Fu(k up. I'm almost done with university, my girls and I are closer than ever, I'm in love with a great man.

I remember in AA them telling me "Do not overwhelm yourself by thinking I can't ever drink again. Just tell yourself, I won't drink today" That has never been more true in my life. I can't wrap my mind around NEVER drinking again. But I can be okay with not drinking today.

Anyway, I ramble. I'm elated to be sober for 6 days. I make no promises for tomorrow, but today, I am sober. And happy.

Weasel1966

Hey! Good for you!

You sound like you know what to do and are doing it.

Welcome to SR!

Anna

Hi Missy,

It sounds like you have good perspective and you have a good plan. I think exercise is very important - a balanced life is very important. Good for you for honoring your mother's memory by taking care of yourself and your children.

RevivingOphelia

Hope4Life

6 Days is a GREAT start Shelle! You are on your way to beating the beast and regaining the life you deserve. Keep the focus on your little girls and your new man and always remember.....

WE ARE HERE FOR YOU!

Congratulations!

HitTheRoadJack

That's really great to hear, and it's very inspiring. I understand awakening the beast. I can't just have one drink or pace myself. Once I get started I don't stop until I'm paraletic and shouting obscenities at the people I care about. Blaming the way my life turned out on everyone else. I've had enough of it.

Today I am happy not to flirt with the devil. Tomorrow I will find the courage to do the same again.

MrsKing

Good for you. It's good to hear you sounding upbeat and positive. Congrats on the 6 days.

fallingtogether

i cant socially drink either. for a long while, i would just lay my head down on the bar and fall asleep... its disgusting. i can pace myself, but when i drink, i chase the buzz. the buzz is quiet for a while and then bam! brickwall. about a year ago i went to my boss (i was bartending at the time) and asked him if i could be put on the floor waitressing, because the stress of bartending was too much, as i felt that i had a problem with ddrinking. we all drank together all the time. at the end of my shift, or we would go out after work. he granted me my wish to be on the floor, but also dismissed the problem: you just need to pace yourself. ha! wish it was that easy. i am a hairstylist and my world is dependant on this-- a fast paced schedule. i dont know how to pace anything in my life. i am always squeezing people in, always in a fast pace, why would i think that my drinking life would be any different? i quit that job back in march.(the resturaunt job)i have been out to a bar a handful of times since then, and i hope that at the very minimum, i have quit the drinking job too! congrats on 6 days! its an accomplishment!

HitTheRoadJack

I know exactly what you are saying. Some people think it really is that easy, and it is, for them. But not for us. That is why I'm so thankful we have each other. It's hard to keep anything at a slow pace because it feels like you are getting no where - in life and chasing the buzz. It's the first thing I think about when I pick up the drink, and I drink as much as I can to get the buzz quicker. It always ends the same: I go overboard. I hurt someones feelings. I wake up the next day depressed and full of regret, and even that would get pushed on to people close to me. Well it's time to put the blame where it should be; with me. It's time to change.

benice

Congrats on 6 days! OK, so my new favorite is the lemon flavored Vitamin Zero Water! Keep up the great work!