Weasel1966

Are you kidding me?
I live in an old Victorian home. Large by any standard. Not out of aristocracy but necessity.
We have a couple that lives across the way.
The second floor has become available.
We all went sober bowling... Well at least I was.
My partner told them... After telling me not to say anything... That the second floor was available.
Are you F ing kidding?
Then this morning he says they will solve so many problems.
He has anxiety issues.... Ones that are not based in reality.
I am sooooo damn sad... And so damn pissed at the same time.
So this is what I am doing.
I.... I...I am more important than them.
I need to remain sober.
I need to go see my doc in a month to know...
I am ok!!!
Did ya get the I part?
I am going to say NO!
They cannot move upstairs.
They cannot drink here.
They cannot put me... Or my needs ahead of them.
Simply.....
No.

freshstart57

Are you saying that John wants to rent the second floor of your place so that he will have some drinking buddies? Ey yi yi!

Weasel1966

NO. Well yes.
The second floor is available come September. The str8 couple across the way needs a new place. We are all good friends.
He told me not to say anything. Then after they drank...., ( don't even tell me... I know... Why was I around the, drinking?)
I did not drink.
Hey... The place is available.
I hold the cards. I always do. I will make sure the landlord does not rent to them.

This wiil lose them as friends .... Ok.

This may cause issues between us.... Ok

I don't care.

I and only I am the most important here.

Not to be crazy about it but this goes way back.... To my childhood.

When my mother let her damn new husband hit and hurt me. When I was not in control of anything.

This has so many feeling and such in conjunction.

I know better now. I know me now.

And I love it. I can say no. Simply no.

Doug. My sobriety is the single most important thing I have. I and only I can own it. It's not something I can risk.

Weasel1966

Oh... And here the twist.... He is not all that str8 and she has no idea....

Can that be any more salacious?

I am a stand up guy. Thats not how I am... And I will not allow it.

He needs to be real.

This will only go my way. I can make sure the landlord says no.

But I am shocked by it all.

freshstart57

Yikes! I think this is how nature tells us to keep away.

Weasel1966

Nature does speak to us. It tells us when we are in harms way.

If I was drunk I would never see it.

If I was drunk I would never feel it.

But..... I am not drunk.

Jeni26

That sounds complicated Ken.
Did you say your partner was drinking too when he talked to your neighbours about it?
Have you told him how you feel today? Xx

Weasel1966

Anything is only as complicated as we give it energy. So I am freaking out here so I can remain calm there.

He was drinking. Like I mentioned.... We made these plans. I did not drink. We went bowling. They drank. He spoke when we agreed not to.

Today is not the best time to talk. I need time. I am heading to the beach in a few. Gonna have lunch by the water. Treat me good.

When I feel better I will talk.

The is little to say.

I sound like a nut I am sure. Sorry. But this is the first venting of it all.

Jeni... Fresh... All.... When we come to things like this in the early days.... I need to stay strong. If I give in here I lose. No one else. That's not acceptable. I worked to damn hard to get here.... We're ever here is.

Jeni26

You're doing great Ken. Keep at it xxx

Weasel1966

Back at ya!

Jeni.... How was your day at the BBQ?

It was sunny and cooler here. Today is a beauty!

Off to the beach and then home to cook....

Thanks for letting me vent.

Life is odd at times but not something we cannot manage at our discression. I learned from people here that when we are sober we can manage the ups and downs a bit better.

That's so true.

Jeni26

I had a great day thanks Ken. I'm really settled and happy at the moment.

Life sure is good when you can relax and enjoy time without even contemplating drink. I still wonder if H misses it more than he lets on, but the more weekends we have sober, the more natural it seems I guess.

All good here. Long may it last. Thanks for asking xxx

Weasel1966

Jeni.... Let him let on so to speak. Don't ask if he misses it.... That's AV and will only lead to talk you both don't need.

Sorry to say but that stood out in your response.

I know you are doing well... I see it everyday. I see you trying and doing!

K

Jeni26

Oh I wouldn't ask him, would be too afraid the reply would be something I didn't need to hear!!

We just take each day, each weekend, each social occasion as it comes.

I'm committed to this as you are. As far as I know he is too but my sobriety doesn't depend on it. It's mine.

We are BOTH doing well, proud of you Ken xx

SlimSlim

Ken and Jen:

Like the way you are using the board to work things out.

Very constructive.

mecanix

Good for you Ken

wellwisher

Ah, the beauty of a clear mind at work...

Drama knocks at the door and we don't have to let it in and can see it coming.

Well done, sir...

(I miss scooting across the bay in the clam boat to Gilgo - jealous!!! My gills need salt water....)