lizloh

Hate this limbo I am in. But I feel pretty proud that when he told me (actually it just came up) he was going to TRY and quit drinking that I didn't shrivel. He left work shortly after that and on MY drive home I sorted out my feelings and decided I would tell him the only way we could work on it is with a fresh start. By going through with the divorce still. We could date, I just feel uncomfortable in my own skin having promised a man my love forever and he has disrespected that to say the least. Well he didn't like that. He told me he was 'stupider for having listened' to that idea! I know he is/was just hurt and frustrated. I would never have married a man who spoke to me like that. That's exactly the reason I want this divorce, he is not the man I thought he was. Lying, shifty, hurtful. But does he even know himself? Can an A even have any integrity?!

lizloh

Also should I take his emotional and manipulative response as confirmation that he was going to quit for the wrong reasons? I think so. He also said he wouldn't waste his money gettin a divorce and if we got one we would just be over. Laying in my bed afterwards I thought to mysf, I won't waste MY TIME to see if you can beat this!!!

lizloh

I can at least take it as confirmation that he was being cordial because he had some hope-HA! Been there.

android1

Lizloh you sound like you are on the right track. I too was think last week and even told my soon to be ex AW, that I thought we could still be good friends in the future. Now I see that was just me wanting to hold on to our marriage vows. Why would I want to be friends with the person who has hurt me the most in my life?

I don't want to take away your hope, everyone is an individual. But can you forgive what he has done? Wold you want to start dating someone like that again if it wasn't him? Probably not.

It is almost comical how codie we can be.

Freedom1990

Never ever will I become involved again with a man who is violent...never, not even dating.

Tuffgirl

Never again will I be friends or date an a-hole.

IMHO, I think he is calling your bluff...seeing if you will follow through with this divorce or not.

Carol Star

My therapist told me my integrity got me out........

ShootingStar1

My therapist, who knew my AH, and knew how destructive his alcoholic/porn addictive behavior was to me, said, when I wistfully thought of reconciling, "This marriage is bankrupt. If he really changes, then sometime in the future you can look at it again, if you choose. But now, this marriage is bankrupt."

That said it all for me.

BothSidesNow

lizloh

Thank you, all! I never ever never will date an A, a-hole, or violent or disrespectful person. Too bad it takes time to weed them out but now I am well versed in the ways. He was never as affectionate as I liked but not unloving by any means. Guess I settled, and I can't wait to get back to lovin ME. At the same time I am endlessly fearful, anxious....I'll be so broke! I'm only 27 and never been on my own. I finished massage school shortly before we married. We moved to a state that won't even recognize my training and I just went back to the family biz. A move back may be in order, so I can take the boards and make good money(if, that is I can find a j-o-b) again thank you all!

ZiggyB

I fell in love with a verbally abusive alcoholic too. They can be very charming and nice when they want to be but when their true colors come out it is extremely hurtful. I was heartbroken and depressed by his behavior and lost all trust and respect for him as a person. He is a sick and sad individual in my eyes, I am just sorry that he wasted so much of my time. I hope you get over yours soon.

((hugs))

Shadydeal

ZiggyB,
So true! Heart breaking! My hope and plan is to stay far away from anyone with those traits! One miserable heart breaking roller coaster ride! Now, recover and pick up the pieces....march forward!

ZiggyB

If I see another one I am running in the other direction...