Tendencies

I'm struggling with my recovery.

I was out of the balcony by myself just now. Looking out at the city and could see lights on in the other high rises. Condos full of people and the sun is down.

Thinking about drinking. Then I thought about a time I almost died and maybe kill some other people.

I drank alone. I was not a social drinker for the most part. I would drink in my house and in my garage and putter on projects or watch movies.

Scotch, wine, beer. All three at the same time. I liked to mix it up. I rented rooms in a little bungalow that I had bought. Basement rooms to students. I had two at that time. They kept to themselves and I was upstairs kept with my drinking.

I can remember waking up one morning and smelling something burnt. I went out to the living-room hung over again and was floored to see that the dinning room table had caught on fire during the night. A good part of it was scorched black. Burnt from a candle I had forgotten before I had passed out. It had by some miracle not caught the rest of the house on fire and burned itself out.

I was shocked. Stunned. I could not understand why I did not burn the house down. I should have burnt the house down. I had disconnected the main floor smoke detector because it went off when cooking. No one had woken up downstairs and it had just burnt itself out.

I remember feeling like my addiction had really gotten a hold of me. How could I be so irresponsible. I almost died. I could have easily. And maybe the kids downstairs as well.

So I remember that when I struggle with my drinking. I don't want to drink so much anymore.

427

Wow. Glad you're here! Glad your renters are here! Welcome to an awesome group

Happier

Thanks for sharing the story. It is a good reminder for all of us.
I am certainly thankful for my second chances!

NatalieN

Tendency that's a great deterrent. You were very very lucky. Remember the desire to drink will die down. It doesn't last for ever. Keep yourself occupied while having a craving. Coming here to read and post works like a charm for me. This forum is a very very powerful tool to stay sober but we must use it. This forum keeps me sober and lifts my spirit. I come here for strength and support and find it each time.Your story is very inspiring. I drove drunk with my child in the car and the fear of doing it again helps keep me sober. Some fears are healthy. Keep reading and posting and remember cravings are just thoughts. They can't hurt us unless we act on them. Take good care

iWillBSobr

Wow! That sounds like something I'd do. I never did, but I'd wake up with all sorts of things missing or placed in weird places.

Thanks for sharing, and experiences like that definitely motivate the recovery process!

miyako

That sounds like one of the things I'd do -- like wake up and find that I'd left the house entirely open and unlocked, or wake up and find I'd left a candle burning overnight, or that I'd passed out with my dinner in the oven and it burned itself into a stinky brick of charcoal. Unquestionably, alcohol abuse results in a lot of scary, weird situations that occasionally become dangerous.

IndaMiricale

I did those types of things countless times. Candles to cars. I am blessed I never hurt anyone on the roads . I drove drunk every day for almost 20 years.

I fell off a 3 story balcony only to break a ankle. And all the blackout things I have no idea but can only imagine.

Its a beautiful thing to not live that way anymore. Keep on the right side of sobriety and we never worry about that stuff.