HowCouldYou

I don't understand why its so hard for me to leave him. My ABF. He lies to me, steals from me, and doesn't help support me. I know I got tons of advice from ya'll on my first thread asking is it time to leave, but I just don't feel like I have the strength to do it. I'm so weak. I used to be such a strong person. Its like he knows what to say to me to get me to stay. Today he worked, and today he promised me money, but I know when I get home he will have spent it all. I always feel like I'm sulking now with a heavy heart. I act happy, but deep down inside I'm always so stressed with anger, hurt, worry.

BeavsDad

Keep reading here. It will click when you've had enough.

There are several ladies here currently doing what you know you need to do, only they are in deeper with a husband and kids.

Hope87

I know what you mean. Took me a long time to get to where I am. We were planning a wedding and at this point I don't think I can really walk down that aisle and fully in my heart believe this is the man I want to marry, is this what I want for the rest of my life and the sickness in my stomach takes over all. I think a bride should be excited and happy not sick and doubtful And I feel like if I can't marry this man than there is no future so why do we need to be together. I'm trying to get my stuff straight and then he needs to leave. I'm at the point where I'm just sick of everything. It's like banging your head against a wall EVERY day. Nothing seems to change and if it does, it's only temporary. Then you'll get to the point where you don't believe anything they say...question everything. That is not how I want my relationship to be. He's just not worth it to me anymore. Hang in there..maybe you will reach that point one day. Take care of yourself though!

Sungrl

Beavsdad is right. It will just click. I am going on 2 years. At some point in the last month I have been able to detach for longer amounts of time and with less tears. I was lied to, stolen from, hit, made out to be some lunatic whack job by me AB. He would manipulate to get me back. I would fall for it. Still am a little. I come here to SR EVERYDAY and read and read some more. It is making me see that he will never change, he will try on occassion to stop, it is more for me then him. I have nothing to do with his issues. I see myself right now as more of a friend. I check in now and again to make sure he is alive. We don't have an itimate relationship anymore. He has no idea what goes on in my kids lives, he has no idea how work is and what I think or feel on a daily basis. I don't share anymore. You will get there as well. I promise you it is a great place to be and eventually he will be a memory and a learning experience. I will always care. I am human and this is a disease. I just know I am not the cure and I love myself enough to know I have had enough. You deserve more, you will see that sooner rather then later I hope.

HowCouldYou

Thank you, this is pretty much how I feel too. I'm just going to keep on reading like its been suggested. Its just heartbreaking. I want to have a "normal" relationship like my friends and co-workers have. I look on FB and see all my friends getting married...having children...and I thought I would have settled down now, but not to someone like this. And now its a struggle just to leave him. You take care of yourself too and thank you for the advice again.
Thank you to everyone!

SoLongFarewell

I have a hard time wanting to leave my ABF too, even though I left him, as in, I moved out of our place together. I really just want to hug him and hold him and tell him everything will be alright...ugh. I just went through my angry phase and now I am almost ready to go through my "forgiveness" phase. It's really sickening to me because I shouldn't feel so bad for him...he did this to myself but poor ol' me always wants to help those in need.

lost0311

Married 6 yrs, 2 kids.... I know it seems hard to leave now, but dont wait as long as I did. When I got married I was the "bread winner" in our relationship. I made the $ paid the bills had the car and got him to follow me. Or so that's what I thought was happening. All the while he was making more $ than he told me on side jobs, spending it on drugs. 2 kids later he got me to quit my job so I could raise our kids. All the while he emotional beat me down to where I thought I was worthless, gave up my friends unintentionally of course, but we moved far away for his job and he never let me go anywhere. He had me so wrapped up in his ******** and it wasnt until I left him that I woke up from what seems now like a horrible nightmare. It's so hard to believe I am starting over. It's like I'm 18 years old again. I have lost everything but my children and my car (that I am working 2 jobs to pay for) including my self esteem. I can't afford a place of my own and live with family. I have to rebuild my life only now instead of being skinny, full of energy, young and in charge and going places. I am 100 pounds over weight, tired and depressed, old, fragile and unmotivated to succeed. Now, that being said, I am just saying this is my story. I have heard success stories, but they are so few. The thing about addiction I wish I knew about years ago....It's a LIFE LONG ILLNESS. Its like cancer. It could go into remission, but there is always a chance that it could come back & for no particular reason what so ever. I struggle everyday with the "what if's" what if leaving was a mistake, what if he relapses....what if, what if, what if. Its all part of the process. Pray, Pray, Pray. The answer will come when you are ready. Hang in there, If I can do it I know anyone can.

dollydo

You have yourself convinced that you cannot live without him, you keep telling yourself that you are not worthy of a better life, you are stuck in a negative mindset.

Read all the stickies at the top of the Family & friends Forums, read others posts in all the sections of this forum. Do searches on self-esteem and codependency, the internet is brimming with good reads on these topics.

The ball is in your court, it is up to you to decide where you want to be in 5 years. If it is where you are...fine...if not...do something about it.

zoso77

Well, what do you want to do about it?

My suggestion is read the sticky note "What Addicts Do". Then read it again. That's what you're dealing with. And that's what you will continue to deal with if you choose to stay engaged with a sick person.

If you'd like, you can PM me and we can discuss this.

Best,
ZoSo

crazybabie

I can't remember have you been to any meetings or read codependent no more yet?