Lost3000

I'm pretty lonely at work. OK, very lonely. Today I'm sad because of it.

When I drank, all my drinking friends were people I worked with. Once I dropped them, and quit drinking, I spent a lot of time just working on being sober. Still do. BUT, I have no work friends.

I've been at my firm for several years now, so pretty much already know everybody. I'm not sure what to do. I come to work, have lunch, then go home. Day after day. Maybe this is a good thing.

I'm glad to have other sober friends outside of work, it's just that while at work, it gets pretty lonely. On top of that, I had my 40th birthday on Monday and was hardly a blip on my bosses radar, while tomorrow, they are making a HUGE deal out of one of their birthdays. So lucky me gets to go to lunch with them, and spend a lot of money. On my birthday, I ended up going to an AA mtg - partly because I had no one to ask me to lunch at work.

I'm trying not to be all "woe is me" about it, but I'm honestly sad today.

Pigtails

I just want to say that I understand and I'm sorry. Almost all my friends were drinking buddies. I have a goal to make friends with new similar interests that don't involve drinking! Best wishes. I hate that lonely feeling.

Lost3000

Thanks Pigtails. I'm doing a lot better in that arena outside of work. I have a host of people I can call and/or hang out with - outside of work. But at work is another story.

The "friends" I thought I had completely ignore me at work. One is even on my floor!

TorontoGuy28

I felt a bit sad myself, but sobriety is #1 in my books... Without it, I would have no job and all my friends would eventually stop talking to me..

Now, after over 1.5 years sober I have no issues hanging out with people from the office, sipping on my soda water or diet coke... The next morning, my mind is 100% clear and sharp... Love it.

Lost3000

Yeah....I don't feel a bit sad. I'm miserable and lonely at work. Swimming with a bunch of sharks, I mean um, working with lawyers, and not being friends with any of the other staff is hard. To put it lightly. Of course sobriety is my #1 concern, and I'd have no problem hanging out with people at work - if I was invited.

IndaMiricale

Sorry Lost and I can relate. I myself just got" out of the kitchen" completely. I left my life and everything I had in the restaurant business to focus on sobriety. So I have not really went back to a work life , but do wonder what it will be like.

I have no advice just sharing with you. Prayers sent your way. And you know all this will work out as long as you just keep doing what your doing.

Live2Run25

I am the same way. The black sheep of the office if you will. Everyone else gets handmade gifts and no one says a word to me on my birthday. I comes to find out people thought I was cold/mean. I'm not saying you are AT ALL. I just didn't realize I came off to other people with a crappy demeanor. Now that i'm nicer, people tend to include me.. Could this be your case? If not.. screw 'em!

Lost3000

I wish I could do that, just up and quit. My instinct is to run, hide, all the usual stuff I did that got me into this mess. I have also read and been told, no big decisions in the first year. And I'm trying REALLY hard to do that. Which means sticking with this job for at least another 4 months. If I'm still miserable then, I think I will begin looking for other work.

And yeah, one thing's for sure - drinking is NOT an option. So I'll keep doing what I'm doing. Thanks Inda.

Lost3000

Probably. 2 yrs ago, I was given a promotion and that really made things hard. I was no longer included in the group luncheons and stuff. To make matters worse, I was given a secretary who used to be my coworker. I try to smile more and be positive more. Today just really got me down and I'm doing all I can just to finish up the day and get the heck outta here.

NoFireWater

It sounds like you've moved up and former friends haven't, so there might be some workplace jealousy, as well as your change from partier to sober added to the mix. You may have had to "drop them" to get sober, but they might not understand that. They probably just feel you ditched them, and may feel guilty about their own partying, and it creates a tense atmosphere. Is there any way you can organize a social event and invite them? Softball game? Bowling tournament? Pizza party on some random afternoon? Anything that will show them you want to be included and enjoy their company? Is there any one of them that you were especially close to while drinking buddies that you could talk to about this? I hope there's a way for you to make a change, it's hard to be miserable at the place where you have to spend so much time. Are there any loner types that you could befriend that are maybe looking for company too?

Lost3000

I don't think your first suggestion is worth the try. There's a reason why I ditched them, and ditch them I did. For my sobriety obviously. But also because they are like me, but don't accept it or want to do anything about it. Their main goal is to get tanked, often starting at the lunch hour. I have tried before - to invite them to lunch and stuff, but they blew me off for the bar.

Part of why I don't want to associate with these people any longer is because of their backstabbing personalities. Because they are drunks, they are selfish, mean, dishonest. All the things I was/am and am trying to change. Only they haven't changed. Getting involved with them would be very unhealthy for me.

Lastly, enjoying their company. Well, I could really only do that if I was drinking. Now that that's gone, I no longer enjoy their company. It's like getting sober and hanging out with barflys. Not fun.

Like I said, my work is HUGE. I rarely see these people. One is on my floor, but she ignores me.

Now your second suggestion is something I'd like to try. I'll keep an eye out and try to work on that. Thanks for your post.

Lost3000

Oh and you are so right, I moved up, they didn't. I got sober, they didn't. It's kind of a perfect storm in which to instantly lose friends for good. One thing I've been doing is trying to redirect my thoughts. Remember all of the other good things in my life.

soberjim

Lost...Aren't we your friends! LOL Hope you are having a better day!

Jim

Lost3000

Jim,

Yep!!! And you're all I've got every weekday!! LOL. Actually, thank goodness for this site. It allows me to connect to others while I have no one to connect to at work.