Work friends
Work friends
I'm pretty lonely at work. OK, very lonely. Today I'm sad because of it.
When I drank, all my drinking friends were people I worked with. Once I dropped them, and quit drinking, I spent a lot of time just working on being sober. Still do. BUT, I have no work friends.
I've been at my firm for several years now, so pretty much already know everybody. I'm not sure what to do. I come to work, have lunch, then go home. Day after day. Maybe this is a good thing.
I'm glad to have other sober friends outside of work, it's just that while at work, it gets pretty lonely. On top of that, I had my 40th birthday on Monday and was hardly a blip on my bosses radar, while tomorrow, they are making a HUGE deal out of one of their birthdays. So lucky me gets to go to lunch with them, and spend a lot of money. On my birthday, I ended up going to an AA mtg - partly because I had no one to ask me to lunch at work.
I'm trying not to be all "woe is me" about it, but I'm honestly sad today.
When I drank, all my drinking friends were people I worked with. Once I dropped them, and quit drinking, I spent a lot of time just working on being sober. Still do. BUT, I have no work friends.
I've been at my firm for several years now, so pretty much already know everybody. I'm not sure what to do. I come to work, have lunch, then go home. Day after day. Maybe this is a good thing.
I'm glad to have other sober friends outside of work, it's just that while at work, it gets pretty lonely. On top of that, I had my 40th birthday on Monday and was hardly a blip on my bosses radar, while tomorrow, they are making a HUGE deal out of one of their birthdays. So lucky me gets to go to lunch with them, and spend a lot of money. On my birthday, I ended up going to an AA mtg - partly because I had no one to ask me to lunch at work.
I'm trying not to be all "woe is me" about it, but I'm honestly sad today.
I just want to say that I understand and I'm sorry. Almost all my friends were drinking buddies.
I have a goal to make friends with new similar interests that don't involve drinking! Best wishes. I hate that lonely feeling.
![Frown](http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/images/smilies/frown.gif)
Thanks Pigtails. I'm doing a lot better in that arena outside of work. I have a host of people I can call and/or hang out with - outside of work. But at work is another story.
The "friends" I thought I had completely ignore me at work. One is even on my floor!
The "friends" I thought I had completely ignore me at work. One is even on my floor!
I felt a bit sad myself, but sobriety is #1 in my books... Without it, I would have no job and all my friends would eventually stop talking to me..
Now, after over 1.5 years sober I have no issues hanging out with people from the office, sipping on my soda water or diet coke... The next morning, my mind is 100% clear and sharp... Love it.
Now, after over 1.5 years sober I have no issues hanging out with people from the office, sipping on my soda water or diet coke... The next morning, my mind is 100% clear and sharp... Love it.
I felt a bit sad myself, but sobriety is #1 in my books... Without it, I would have no job and all my friends would eventually stop talking to me..
Now, after over 1.5 years sober I have no issues hanging out with people from the office, sipping on my soda water or diet coke... The next morning, my mind is 100% clear and sharp... Love it.
Now, after over 1.5 years sober I have no issues hanging out with people from the office, sipping on my soda water or diet coke... The next morning, my mind is 100% clear and sharp... Love it.
![C021](https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/images/smilies/c021.gif)
Powerless over Alcohol
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Trudging the Road to Happy Destiny!
Posts: 4,018
Sorry Lost and I can relate. I myself just got" out of the kitchen" completely. I left my life and everything I had in the restaurant business to focus on sobriety. So I have not really went back to a work life , but do wonder what it will be like.
I have no advice just sharing with you. Prayers sent your way. And you know all this will work out as long as you just keep doing what your doing.
I have no advice just sharing with you. Prayers sent your way. And you know all this will work out as long as you just keep doing what your doing.
![Grouphug](https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/images/smilies/grouphug.gif)
I am the same way. The black sheep of the office if you will. Everyone else gets handmade gifts and no one says a word to me on my birthday. I comes to find out people thought I was cold/mean. I'm not saying you are AT ALL. I just didn't realize I came off to other people with a crappy demeanor. Now that i'm nicer, people tend to include me.. Could this be your case? If not.. screw 'em!
Sorry Lost and I can relate. I myself just got" out of the kitchen" completely. I left my life and everything I had in the restaurant business to focus on sobriety. So I have not really went back to a work life , but do wonder what it will be like.
I have no advice just sharing with you. Prayers sent your way. And you know all this will work out as long as you just keep doing what your doing.![Grouphug](https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/images/smilies/grouphug.gif)
I have no advice just sharing with you. Prayers sent your way. And you know all this will work out as long as you just keep doing what your doing.
![Grouphug](https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/images/smilies/grouphug.gif)
And yeah, one thing's for sure - drinking is NOT an option. So I'll keep doing what I'm doing. Thanks Inda.
I am the same way. The black sheep of the office if you will. Everyone else gets handmade gifts and no one says a word to me on my birthday. I comes to find out people thought I was cold/mean. I'm not saying you are AT ALL. I just didn't realize I came off to other people with a crappy demeanor. Now that i'm nicer, people tend to include me.. Could this be your case? If not.. screw 'em!
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 604
It sounds like you've moved up and former friends haven't, so there might be some workplace jealousy, as well as your change from partier to sober added to the mix. You may have had to "drop them" to get sober, but they might not understand that. They probably just feel you ditched them, and may feel guilty about their own partying, and it creates a tense atmosphere. Is there any way you can organize a social event and invite them? Softball game? Bowling tournament? Pizza party on some random afternoon? Anything that will show them you want to be included and enjoy their company? Is there any one of them that you were especially close to while drinking buddies that you could talk to about this? I hope there's a way for you to make a change, it's hard to be miserable at the place where you have to spend so much time. Are there any loner types that you could befriend that are maybe looking for company too?
It sounds like you've moved up and former friends haven't, so there might be some workplace jealousy, as well as your change from partier to sober added to the mix. You may have had to "drop them" to get sober, but they might not understand that. They probably just feel you ditched them, and may feel guilty about their own partying, and it creates a tense atmosphere. Is there any way you can organize a social event and invite them? Softball game? Bowling tournament? Pizza party on some random afternoon? Anything that will show them you want to be included and enjoy their company? Is there any one of them that you were especially close to while drinking buddies that you could talk to about this? I hope there's a way for you to make a change, it's hard to be miserable at the place where you have to spend so much time. Are there any loner types that you could befriend that are maybe looking for company too?
Part of why I don't want to associate with these people any longer is because of their backstabbing personalities. Because they are drunks, they are selfish, mean, dishonest. All the things I was/am and am trying to change. Only they haven't changed. Getting involved with them would be very unhealthy for me.
Lastly, enjoying their company. Well, I could really only do that if I was drinking. Now that that's gone, I no longer enjoy their company. It's like getting sober and hanging out with barflys. Not fun.
Like I said, my work is HUGE. I rarely see these people. One is on my floor, but she ignores me.
Now your second suggestion is something I'd like to try. I'll keep an eye out and try to work on that. Thanks for your post.
Oh and you are so right, I moved up, they didn't. I got sober, they didn't. It's kind of a perfect storm in which to instantly lose friends for good. One thing I've been doing is trying to redirect my thoughts. Remember all of the other good things in my life.
Jim,
Yep!!! And you're all I've got every weekday!! LOL. Actually, thank goodness for this site. It allows me to connect to others while I have no one to connect to at work.
Yep!!! And you're all I've got every weekday!! LOL. Actually, thank goodness for this site. It allows me to connect to others while I have no one to connect to at work.
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