Blazinazn

Hey guys, this is my first post here, but I have been a dedicated reader for almost a year. I started my dance with opiates 2 years, and around 2 months ago. I started a new job, as a server, had prior shoulder problems from a swimming accident, and would sometimes self medicate with tab 5's for work, and I noticed it put me in a genuinely good mood, never thought much of it even though I had a time with Xanax only a year before, but didn't realize what had been going on until after I had already been off them for a while. It started at 1 tab a day, to 1 before work, 1 after, and steadily increased up to about 6 a day. By then, I had met some people at work, who dabbled around with other things. I started splitting roxy 30's with a kid after work, then getting my own every night, one before one after, 1 before 2 after, and so forth. Then I was introduced to a guy selling opana 40's, which I was happy because 1 would last me 2 days if I used it sparingly. Yea, that didn't last long at all, before I knew it I was doing 4-5 a day just to be able to function. This was all new to me, so I said I can do this, I'll just quit cold turkey, take some time off work, and do it right. Endured hell, made it to like day 4 with the help of my mothers caring, a bottle of Ativan, melatonin, Tylenol pm, some dank, cigarettes, call of duty, and tons of baths. I relapsed, and continued to use for a few months, hating myself the whole time but not being able to risk loosing my job. I eventually turned to suboxone, and from January of this year until April, this worked out great and was a life saver. I tapered down to about 1-2mg a day, decided if I hopped back on a 30 a day for a week or 2, I could detox the suboxone out of my system, and the withdrawals off 1 30 a day wouldn't be nearly as bad as the alleged dreaded sub withdrawal. Bad idea, got back to doing like 5 30's a day all over again, or around a half-3/4 a gram of h a day, with a few half pan moons (15mg oxymorohone). Went back to the sub doctor, told him I wanted to limit myself at 1mg a day until I could quit, he also gave me Paxil for the anxiety, which is the worst symptom for me that i have developed. I take my subs some days, and use some days, just whatever happens to be around, had been feeling pretty unstable and uncertain at my direction in life for a while, and my girlfriend and I had been dealing with a lot relating to family issues and such, so I was stressed to the max and just wanted a way out. I had an epiphany the other day, and school starts back up for me in 2 weeks or so, and I've been slacking the past couple years, dealing with the deaths of some friends (one was given hep c by his gf who was suppose to be getting clean with him, so he hung himself), and just trying to help my girlfriend through life because I love her, and she's had it rough and I wanted to take care of her, no matte how much it had hurt me. She saw a counselor yesterday, and is getting treatment for her depression, and I need to be strong to support her, because she deserves a good future. I plan on riding this out, cold turkey, until it's over. I live in a single apartment now, so I won't be bothering anyone at night, have all the essential tools I need to keep myself healthy, occupied, and strong through this. It's gonna be a hell of a ride, but I won't fail at life, I won't let this drug hold me back from succeeding in my relationship, my life, and my education. Wish me luck. Thank you for listening to my story.

fgo

Good luck to you... It is the best decision you could make...

artsoul

Welcome Blazinazn -

Glad you decided to un-lurk yourself - I finally did that, too, once I worked up the nerve to commit to getting sober. It's always scary, but getting through the fear (as well as the withdrawals) is the only way to be free. It's worth it, for sure...... I'll never forget the first day I realized I hadn't even thought about a drink - never thought that would ever happen.

Keep reading and posting - you can do this.:

blueshades

I'm glad to read the determination in your narrative. It looks like you've been through a lot in these two years, but I can also see that you're determined to quit.

Stay with us here on SR. It's a great place to be. Best wishes to you in your recovery!

seanie1888

Good luck dude