Sasha4

I've hard a really hard few days - everything - work, relationship, health. I still think a lot about the prat I made of myself when drunk and constantly worry what others think of me. Especially as a lot o my drunken perforrmances were acted out at work when we socialised. It was not choice to mix with them. I stay away a lot with work. But I have to take responsibilty for the fact that I chose to drink. I was not the only one by a long shot. But I was probably the worse in that my 'episodes' were drunker and more frequent.

I've felt fustrated, tired, angry and upset.

But what bothers me the most is how I am, how I react.
I have no self confidence. I feel super sensitive. I feel paranoid and down.
If someone asks me about a situation and how I felt, felt or reacted, I seem to attract nothing but criticism. This varies from 'your too sensitive', 'you worry far too much' or 'your prickly'

You know what most of the time I am nervous as heck. Can you ever stop being a natural born worrier? How do you get your old carefree self back? How do you stop looking for the underlying negative, blaming, punishing implications of a simple statement that someone says?



This maybe sends of the wrong signals, but I CANNOT HELP IT!
I wish I could.
It's not nice to feel this way. It's lonely. It's exhausting. Makes me feel ill. I would not choose to feel like this and certainly not choose to have the hours of horrendous thoughts in my head.

Thanks family xxxx

Dee74

It took me a long time to work on what I know where the the underlying issues of my alcoholism - my worrying, my lack of self esteem, my despair over the wasted years and my feelings of hopelessness for change...

I wanted everything fixed, everything right, ASAP...but it doesn't work like that.

Some of those underlying things are not longer an issue, others are a work in progress - but I know I'd much rather be *here* than *backthere*.

The past is gone. I can't change it. But I can do a heck of a lot about today and all the todays to come

Counselling helped me, at least in the beginning. Is that an option for you Sasha?

D

2granddaughters

Sasha4, are you attending AA meetings?

All the best.

Bob R

Anna

Sasha, you can stop being a natural born worrier. Yes, you can.

I found in recovery that the main reason I worried about everything was because I was a major control-freak. Being a control-freak was part of the reason I began to drink. It's exhausting to fuss and worry about everything, all the time.

Recognize that you control very, very little. You DO control your reactions to things, but pretty much everything else is out of your control. Understand that your feelings are just feelings. They don't control you. You can let them go, and then react calmly.

A really good book is Eckhart Tolle's 'A New Earth'.

sharp75

i have self esteem problems, if i see a group of people laughing i instantly think they laughing at me, people see me as moody and stuck up but its not cos im that way its because im 2 shy to talk to them. i constantly feel lke no one likes me and its horribke to feel that way as im now a recluse as i cant trust anyone and if someone wants to befrend me i always think its for alterior motives. its a horrible way of living as i have no friends as everyone that attempts to be my friend gets shunned by me as im scared that they wll not lke me once they get to know me or i feel lke theres some bad reason to why they are wanting to be my friend

RobbyRobot

Hi sharp,

Self-esteem challenges can be worked out eventually. I use to be way too self-conscious, and i felt as if people were laughing at me, so I know what you mean. As we learn to have better experiences, we gain confidence, and with more confidence, we're more able and likely to have better outcomes.

I also felt guilty, like it was my fault, you know? I was wrong. It was certainly my responsibility to have a better life, but it wasn't my fault that others didn't like me. We all get to choose who we like, and nobody is liked by everybody.

Self-esteem is really just our take on the value and worth we hold for ourselves, and so we can really up our self-esteem by doing good for ourselves as often as we're able. Liking ourselves is a worth endeavour, and is much bettter then the alternatives.

I hope you can give yourself a break.

RobbyRobot

Hi Sasha,

Alot of great shares in this thread to help you sort things out. Therapy can often do wonders for such feelings. Therapy helped me.

None of us can worry our way out of anything, and so its important to not blame ourselves constantly for our failings. We've all done things we wished never happened, but we still have to forgive ourselves and move on. Its not always easy, of course, but its harder to keep on suffering.

I hope you can get more comfortable with yourself, and know that your not the only one who has felt the way you do just now. Things can change, and they can get better.

justhadenough

I agree with anna about Tolle. I'm reading 'the power of now' as have many issues similar to yours. It really helps with perspective. All your negative feeling are about the past,which has gone-there is nothing you can do about it. your fears are about the future,again nothing you can do about that so why waste your life worrying about things you cannot control? it is hard to change perspective but it helps immensely. the book helps enormously-for a few dollars/pounds off amazon-it's well worth it

IndaMiricale

It all seems so easy to just say dont think or feel that way.

All I can say is I hope you can find some ways that help you with finding that peace.

My morning meditations do wonders for setting the tone for the whole. It is just a centering of my mind, feelings, and soul. I know if for some reason I dont do it , that day can really go weird. Temper and over all emtions just are more out of the way I like to be.

The big thing is try not to beat yourself up , we are really great at that. Much more than anyone else could ever do to us.

Take suggestions and run with them or stop and just breath.

Good love, Inda