s19m73b

I am having an internal debate about the situation between my xrgf (her choice) and myself. She decided we needed to step back from each other because she is confused and lost. Says she loves me deeply and always will which I believe. I didnt contact her at all for three days and knew I would see her Tuesday since we play on a softball team together with her family.
I had a rough day before the game because I knew I would see her and my feelings are still very strong for her. She talked to me some but only because i asked how she was doing and it was nice to hear that she was doing better. She stated she felt alive again which also hurt me alittle in the process.
I love this woman with all my heart and want her in my life. Our relationship has been hot and cold due to fighting her disease but never argumentive or abusive. She always pushed me away when not feeling right but always showed love when feeling it. We have discussed our future together and so much more but now it seems like theres no desire in her eyes.
Am I kidding myself and hurting myself more by thinking everything will be ok and we'll be together again? i know she is a loving and amazing woman who can only help herself. I am hurting and so confused right now, wishing she would let me know how she is feeling about us. Is that asking too much or will that answer come when she has an answer for me?
Looking for stories of similiar experiences or advice... thank you

outtolunch

Have you considered joining a different softball team?

fourmaggie

OUCH! is all i want to say...
you need to give yourself time and patience...

she is in her recovery...she is confused and needs to grow and learn who she is...she needs to start all over again SOBER

i know its hard to figure out...so i would suggest a 12 step program for you, prehaps AL ANON?

read what you can on this crazy disease...its so complex and toxic, and unhealthy

FireSprite

Welcome! I can't tell what is right or wrong or if everything will just work out in the long run. However, if she's expressing the need for some distance to sort through her thoughts I can't see where you have any choice but to give her that space? I would guess that pressuring her when she's already vocalizing her needs can only backfire.

I'm not sure from your post where she is at in her recovery but that can make a difference too.

When my AH & I separated originally it wasn't necessarily related to his drinking but I felt like if I pushed him to stay he might end up resenting me for 'forcing' him & that if he wasn't happy in our relationship any longer did I really want him to stay? His unhappiness would only end up affecting me as well. Even though it hurt physically, I had to let him go & focus on making sure I wasn't defining my happiness by his presence in my life.

Maybe give her some time & ask if you can get together in a week or so to figure out if you're both still working toward the same goals? Good luck to you!

s19m73b

A little more background on the situation...She is almost five years sober and this was her first real loving relationship since being sober. I attended my first Al-Anon meeting on Monday which really opened my eyes to alot of things. There is just alot of confusion and hurt going on right now which I need to learn about myself why other then I love her. Thanks to all that responded so far

Pelican

I don't know if alcoholism has anything to do with her request to separate. If you look at her request to separate, she has already told you how she feels and what she wants.

Can you find a way to accept her request?

It won't be easy, and you are likely experiencing the stages of grief at the loss of this relationship. i found a great resource of information on grieving in Melody Beatties book "Codependent No More".

fourmaggie

did not realize shes been sober for 5 years...

a break up is a break up....sorry love...