needout

I too am in a relationship with someone who cant seem to stop using meth. He has been clean for 3 months after i found his pipe. We have been dealing with this for yrs though. I just caught him 3 months ago. This weekend he slipped and used again. I know he is messed up right now. I see it when i walk in the door. He may can hide it from everyone else but not me. I have watched it for too many yrs. We have 3 kids and i want out but i am scared. I can load the kids up and leave while he is gone but he will find me and i am honestly scared of him while he is using. He has this psycho look everytime i tell him i can see he is messed up again. I am mentally and physically tired to the point i feel like a zombie. I work, he draws unemployment. He hasnt been able to keep a job in yrs....I take care of the kids, house, bills. He is very controlling without the drugs and with them in his system, he is unbeliveable. We could have had so much when we started out we did. Now we barely get by and have to ask for help. I am just tired of the ups and downs and living in the mess. I am tired of my kids living in the mess. Sorry. I have probably not made any sense at all. I could just go on and on. I feel like i am an expert on the crap now after living with him for yrs. It is amazing what meth turns them into and they dont even know it. They loose all common sense they ever had. When we got married i never would have thought he would turn out like this. i just want it to stop! all of it....i cant do it anymore.

outtolunch

Many/most Police departments have special protocols for handling Meth addicts when they are "tweaking" because there is a high risk for spontaneous violence.

It's restraining order time. Please do whatever it's going to take to keep your children safe.

GardenMama

I second that! Please do whatever it takes to keep you and your children safe.

Impurrfect

((Needout)) - Welcome to SR, though I'm sorry for what brought you here. I'm both a recovering crack addict as well as a recovering codependent. When I first got involved with crack, I had several "meth-heads" around me and they scared me. My stepbrother was also addicted to meth and I've heard his stories...convinced there were cameras in our house, stealing things from my dad.

You and your children need to be safe, and I have to say...that means getting away from him.

You can't fix him. What got ME into recovery was the people who loved me...they allowed me to face consequences..homelesness, jail, etc. I've got over 5 years clean, and have been faced with what pain I brought on those who loved me.

You and your children need to be safe. I've seen meth addicts go absolutely crazy...please, get you and your kids away from him.

SR has been a HUGE help to me. I came here as a crack addict, then realized I was a "codie" and I wouldn't HAVE 5+ years if it weren't for the people here.


Read and post. You are NOT alone, we are here for you.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Kindeyes

Welcome to SR.....I hope you find the support you need here.

Right now I'm going to guess that this situation has you so turned inside out that you can barely think straight. Breathe.

The number one priority is keeping yourself and the children safe. Do you have any family or friends who can help you?

Please take care of you.

gentle hugs
ke

crazybabie

Does your area have a shelter for women who are abused? If he is controlling when not using in my area that is enough to enter the shelter and the location is unknown.

Please protect the kids and you.

needout

There are not any shelters that i am aware of anywhere close. I have great family and friends that would be willing to help. Its complicated though. He is a very strong person. Very big and I think he would hurt anyone who tried to help me including my parents, that is why i feel i cant go there. I have left and stayed at his moms before just because she knows what is goin on and she will stand up to him. he has come up there and raised the devil with her but she can stand her ground against him. Today he is coming down. Been asleep all morning i am assuming since I have been at work and could not get him to answer the phone all day. Guess i will find out at lunch. I just want a normal life and marriage. I am very twisted inside at this point. I want my husband back. He was never like this before. And i know he is in there somewhere. If he picks the habit up again and continues as before then I do have an "escape" plan that can get me out. But it would mean giving up my job, life the kids and i have now and switching states. I guess it depends on how bad it gets. I did tell him these last few days while he was denying what is obvious to me that he can say whatever he wants but i knew what was goin on and i did not want to be around him like that. If he was gonna do it to leave. That i could not look at him like that. He continued to deny and i continued to say I hope you are not tryin to convince me, i hope u can convince urself ur clean cause it aint working on me.

outtolunch

He using. How much worse does it have to get for you to get out?

The guy you knew and/or expected him to be is now a hopeful fantasy.
No one just snaps out of Meth addiction.

There is nothing you can say or do that's going to keep him clean or cause him to relapse. You are not that powerful. None of us are.

You did not cause this.
You cannot control this.
You cannot cure this.

It's easier to start over in another state than it is to try and repair the emotional damage that is happening, right now.

Faithlove

Needout,
Welcome to SR. I know you just want things to be better. I know you want your husband back. I really do know. I would always say that if I didn't have kids with my AH, I'd stay with him until he overdosed or died or whatever. I didn't realize how very sick my AH and his addiction were making me. I've been where you are...clean time for him, then he relapses, then he's clean again. From what you've said, your husband is not in active recovery. He's just not. Until he decides to put in the work to be in active recovery, you will not get your husband back. Even if he does recover, he'll still be different. Drugs change people; people change on their own too.

Because he is addicted to meth and because you are already afraid of him, I think you should be extra cautious. My AH's drugs of choice are opiates, but I'm not afraid of him. However, I'm afraid enough of the danger he presents to our children and myself to be finished with him. You need to protect yourself and your children. Don't wait until "he picks up the habit and continues as before." He just used this weekend. He has "picked up the habit." In my opinion, it's past time for you and the kids to break free.

BeavsDad

Sounds like you've been an expert at denial, fear, enabling and false hope.

Maybe it's time to become an expert in reality, detachment, and strength to do what is right for those kids.

Their minds are already being altered in a bad way living with an addict and an unhealthy parental relationship.

needout

Beavsdad ..... I think you are right.....i really need to sort things out and decide on a for sure plan to get out and when to get out...guess i really need to think all this thru.

hello-kitty

Awwww.... what a horrible and potentially life threatening situation you are putting yourself in. Can you at least send your kids somewhere safe so they aren't around someone who is high on meth?

If you are scared to leave, you should be just as scared to stay. And if you choose to stay in a house with a tweaked out meth head, please keep your phone handy to call 9-1-1 at the first sign of psychosis or weird jealousy or delusions. Don't hestitate. You can't reason with someone on meth. They are certifiably insane and sociopathic.