Finally!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 101
Finally!
WOW... just WOW!!
on Sunday my AH asked if he should have a drink with dinner.. i answered that it was up to him, nothing to do with me. Big step for me, i am learning not to control. He didn't have a drink but so what.. im proud of me not him.
Sunday night we sat there looking at holidays, his history popped up on the laptop, porn, porn and a bit more porn. now i am not offended by infrequent use of this, but as we have a 'healthy' relationship and he knows how i feel about frequent use of it. i was heart broken to say the least.
This time i didn't scram and shout, try to understand why. i didn't even mention it. later on he got it out of me knowing something was wrong. i told him what i saw and went to bed.
The next day something has changed. this may have been my defining moment.
His alcoholism i used to make excuses for, he is addicted, he cant help it etc... now porn is another story, he isn't addicted to that, so this was just BLATANT disrespect of my feelings, this was him CHOOSING to hurt me and not care about what i think/feel. that is totally different.
so now that's it. i didn't make a song and dance about it.. what's the point. how dare he disrespect me in that way - he clearly doesnt care for my feelings.
so now i let go. totally. if he drinks, so what, if hes lying, so what, i wont check on him any-more, i wont try to save him anymore i just dont care any-more. If he now chooses to carry on drinking, porn etc... well thats his choice, but he cant have both, its me or the other.
I realise, as much as i don't want to be alone.. i now realise. I don't NEED him, i earn my own money, the house we live in is my house, i am a good person with a lot to offer, and if he doesnt want that.. fine, he goes, no man is making me ILL. EVER.
needless to say he hsa picked up on this and is making as much effort as he can.. lets see how long it lasts. either way ive got my mind set, i feel suddenly i got some emotional freedom and strength, and it feels good.
on Sunday my AH asked if he should have a drink with dinner.. i answered that it was up to him, nothing to do with me. Big step for me, i am learning not to control. He didn't have a drink but so what.. im proud of me not him.
Sunday night we sat there looking at holidays, his history popped up on the laptop, porn, porn and a bit more porn. now i am not offended by infrequent use of this, but as we have a 'healthy' relationship and he knows how i feel about frequent use of it. i was heart broken to say the least.
This time i didn't scram and shout, try to understand why. i didn't even mention it. later on he got it out of me knowing something was wrong. i told him what i saw and went to bed.
The next day something has changed. this may have been my defining moment.
His alcoholism i used to make excuses for, he is addicted, he cant help it etc... now porn is another story, he isn't addicted to that, so this was just BLATANT disrespect of my feelings, this was him CHOOSING to hurt me and not care about what i think/feel. that is totally different.
so now that's it. i didn't make a song and dance about it.. what's the point. how dare he disrespect me in that way - he clearly doesnt care for my feelings.
so now i let go. totally. if he drinks, so what, if hes lying, so what, i wont check on him any-more, i wont try to save him anymore i just dont care any-more. If he now chooses to carry on drinking, porn etc... well thats his choice, but he cant have both, its me or the other.
I realise, as much as i don't want to be alone.. i now realise. I don't NEED him, i earn my own money, the house we live in is my house, i am a good person with a lot to offer, and if he doesnt want that.. fine, he goes, no man is making me ILL. EVER.
needless to say he hsa picked up on this and is making as much effort as he can.. lets see how long it lasts. either way ive got my mind set, i feel suddenly i got some emotional freedom and strength, and it feels good.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: SAN FRANCISCO
Posts: 1,176
I remember the day I found my ex had been looking at transexual porn on my tablet since it was in the browsing history. I asked him about it and he said "oh, someone on Facebook told me to go look at that."
The stupidest excuses....
Well only you know what you can put up with, I think I'd be pretty aggravated by now
The stupidest excuses....
Well only you know what you can put up with, I think I'd be pretty aggravated by now
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