Trying to get AF out strike one and I hate myself...

Old 08-14-2012, 06:08 AM
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Trying to get AF out strike one and I hate myself...

So AF wants to talk yesterday and I say fine..what. "Will you take me to the clinic for Subs and come with me?" I said no...then as much as I shouldn't have I let loose on him. Told him how I felt these past few months, how I don't trust him anymore then finally told him, no I won't do it. I told him it's rehab or that's it. I told him I'm not living like this and I don't deserve this life anymore. So he thanks me and starts getting clothes on and I'm thinking..wow...this is it. This is going to happen I was nervous, happy and sad all at the same time. Then he just walks out the door and I say hey wait what about...and he just leaves. Then he calls and says what....I said what am I supposed to do with your stuff and he says nothing. I'm coming back. I say where are you going..he says to get drugs and I told him if that's the case do not bother coming back. Drugs are no longer allowed in this house! So he told me not to tell him what to do and that if I wasn't going to let him back in then I should call the cops. I'm not going to lie...I wasn't expecting to do this on Monday and I didn't know it was going to be a production. I now know I need to have a better plan in place and now wasn't the time to deal with it. So I had the choice of drugs or subs and I ended up taking him to get subs. After the fact I cried and cried and cried cause I caved and hated myself for it. I'm ready for him to be gone but I don't want it to be this production with family and cops and whatever but after yesterday...I feel that's how's it's going to go out and it's a little scary. I can't believe I'm in this freaking mess. I just want to move on with my life. Why can't he just get his crap, move out and he can have his drugs, his precious ex, junkie friends and dealers...I just don't care! I just don't want it in my life anymore! Then I called about my wedding dress and told them the wedding is off and had to hear all the sympathy in their voices and going to get that Sat is going to be hard. It is so beautiful and I hope it doesn't go to waste. Well, back to the drawing board. I need to be sure to have a second job when he leaves and apparently his family is going to have to be involved with getting him out of my house. Time to work on plan B.....
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Old 08-14-2012, 06:56 AM
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It sounds like you had a pretty rough day.

You'll get to use the dress - and it will be worth more because the wedding will be to someone who is capable of returning your love and valuing you and your relationship high in their heart. The only way it would have been a wasted dress is if you had gone through with it, marrying yourself to the quagmire of addiction. But it will be hard, and I know it must hurt.

I haven't had to do it, but I know some people on here have and I've read about requesting a police presence for this type of scenario. I think it's not really that dramatic, they just send an officer over. They don't use sirens or flashing lights, any drama comes from the addict. I would do it. If I've learned anything from my sister's drug use and jail record it is that addicts DO NOT like to hang around when cops are on the scene.

I hope today goes better; you tried, and all we can do is keep trying. I find myself falling back into old habits sometimes, it's just part of our version of recovery. But you recognize what's happening - and that in itself is a major step in the right direction.
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Old 08-14-2012, 08:40 AM
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Originally Posted by Hope87 View Post

So I had the choice of drugs or subs and I ended up taking him to get subs.
There was also the choice of "doing nothing" because it's his addiction. Somehow most of us don't realize this when we are in the middle of chaos.

Have you considered getting a sane roommate to help with the expenses?
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