Is it possible to be this miserable?!
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: TriState area
Posts: 60
Is it possible to be this miserable?!
As some of you may know I have been struggling with an addict husband for years now, he got sober for almost 7 months and is back at it again. He denies it of course, we recently had a mini intervention with him and he agreed to go back to the Dr. I left it up to him to call (of course he only called after I asked if he did), Dr. wasn't in and he left a message on Friday. The office called back today and he claimed to be too busy at work to answer. Friday he came home looked messed up, he claimed he bought suboxone off of someone, but I know it's a lie. I know what he looks like/acts like on suboxone and this is def. not it! He drank Sat and Sun and then came home today after work looking so messed up, I mean I haven't seen him like that in awhile! He again claimed he bought subs. His eyes were so bloodshot and pupils were so tiny. He was so itchy and actually scratched his legs to the point of bleeding (I mean bleeding on the floor) he claims its poison ivy and he was working with insulation all day, etc etc. He made my skin crawl just to be near him. How horrible is that to say that about your own husband? I am so hurt that I don't even know what to do with myself. just when I thought things were gonna get better, when I could finally take a breath of relieve, they crumble again. I no longer have the strength for this inside of me. I can't even bring myself to say anything to him about it bc I can't take another lie, I cant stand to be hurt even more. I feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest and being stomped on by the man I vowed to love forever. False hopes, excuses, lies and betrayal is all I see any more and I feel him pushing me away and myself becoming more and more distant, sad, angry and resentful. I used to think I could fight for him, I could help him or push him to get better, but I don't have that in me anymore, I am starting to think divorce is the only way out for me. I tell him I have fought to keep our marriage going for years, and that I just have no fight left in me anymore. But he doesn't get it and I guess he never will. I feel like I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
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I am sorry for your pain ((((HUGS))))
I can't even bring myself to say anything to him about it bc I can't take another lie,Actually why say anything to him about it? Nothing is accomplished that way and addicts lie that is one of the things they are best at.
he doesn't get it and I guess he never will. I feel like I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
I can't remember have you tried any meetings yet? Not only does he need to change but so do you
I can't even bring myself to say anything to him about it bc I can't take another lie,Actually why say anything to him about it? Nothing is accomplished that way and addicts lie that is one of the things they are best at.
he doesn't get it and I guess he never will. I feel like I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
I can't remember have you tried any meetings yet? Not only does he need to change but so do you
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
I am sorry for your pain,too...emptyshell.
They say if you stay anywhere long enough (incl SR?!)
--you'll see everything.
I don't think that is true.
I have never seen or heard of a single instance where
addiction has brought any happiness to anyone,ever.
They say if you stay anywhere long enough (incl SR?!)
--you'll see everything.
I don't think that is true.
I have never seen or heard of a single instance where
addiction has brought any happiness to anyone,ever.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: TriState area
Posts: 60
Still searching out a meeting for me. Doesn't seem to be anything close by, but I am still searching hoping to find anything. I feel like saying nothing is avoiding the problem, but as I said before I also feel like saying something does no good anyway it only brings hurt to me! I don't know how to act around him, obviously I cant hide away he is my husband and we do live together. Today I was just very mooppy and didnt really say anything to him or hardly even look at him. It hurts to be that way. Then he started talking to me with an attitude and I just continued being mooppy etc.Bc I can't fight anymore. I have not done anything for him in over a week, havent made his work lunch, done laundry, dishes, set up coffee pot, cleaned the house, nothing. My house is a mess, I am a mess. I usually dont mind doing those things for him bc it makes his day a little easier (&I like a clean house), but I just cant anymore. I do it all for nothing... I just don't even want to get out of bed anymore, but I force myself to do it. How am I supposed to act around him when he's using? Please give me advice. When he is sober (which isn't much now) I am ok, I can talk to him or try to joke, but when he's high he makes my skin crawl, I am disgusted by him. Lately when I go to bed (which is much later than him now bc Im up all night crying& posting), once I have finished crying or am so exhausted I have to attempt to lay next to him in bed 3-4 times. I lay down and start crying again, I try to stop I try not to think of how much he hurts me, but then I have to get up and sit on the couch and then gain the strength to stop crying again, then try to lay down again, repeat, repeat 3-4 times in a row. And he has no idea bc he's sleeping like a baby. It really hurts what he is doing, but it hurts me even worse the person I am becoming. I never thought I would treat a loved one this way or that I would have these thoughts in my head about a loved one.
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 83
Empty shell - I so sorry for the pain you are experiencing. Sounds like you reached a new depth of depression. Do you have a sister or friend you can confide in? You need someone to love you back. Your hubby isn't capable of this right now. The love for the drug is stronger. Today, take a baby step - do one thing for you. Call a friend for a cry session. You are grieving the loss of your husband (the real one, not the addicted one). Surround yourself with people to shore you up. You can find strength to get through this and make the right decisions.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
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Ok. You got that out. That's a good thing.
At the very first Al-Anon meeting I went to, a lady came up to me afterwards, gave me a hug and asked "What are you going to do for YOU today?" I'm sure I looked at her like I thought she was nuts and replied "ummmmm.....clean my house." she repeated "no...what are you going to do for YOU today?" It dawned on me that I didn't even know what she meant. I didn't KNOW "me" well enough to know what I could do for myself!
If you read your post, you talk about doing things for HIM. Try to make doing something for you a priority today. Addiction has a way of taking two lives down with it (or more). That's how the disease works.....if we let it. Tell me a few things you enjoy doing.....list them. And then pick one and do it for YOU today. This is one of the simple ways that we begin to heal.
gentle hugs
ke
At the very first Al-Anon meeting I went to, a lady came up to me afterwards, gave me a hug and asked "What are you going to do for YOU today?" I'm sure I looked at her like I thought she was nuts and replied "ummmmm.....clean my house." she repeated "no...what are you going to do for YOU today?" It dawned on me that I didn't even know what she meant. I didn't KNOW "me" well enough to know what I could do for myself!
If you read your post, you talk about doing things for HIM. Try to make doing something for you a priority today. Addiction has a way of taking two lives down with it (or more). That's how the disease works.....if we let it. Tell me a few things you enjoy doing.....list them. And then pick one and do it for YOU today. This is one of the simple ways that we begin to heal.
gentle hugs
ke
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: TriState area
Posts: 60
DJ0822- I do have a sister but there is no way I am telling her what is going on, she is so controlling and if I do not do what she thinks is right then she will start a fight with me and I do not need that right now. And my bestfriend is on vacation, so no I don't have anyone to confide in or a shoulder to cry on right now and it sux.
Kindeyes- I am really not sure what I like to do for me anymore... I have noticed that this is an ongoing prob for me, There are things that I used to love to do when I was single and occassionally when I am happy in my marriage I will do a few of those things, but then the misery returns and I lose interest. Its like his addiction strips me of my interests/hobbies, degrades my feelings, I lose my opinion I lose myself. If that makes any sense. I used to sing, dance, do crafts, go for a walk, go to the park etc but now I don't do that. I did do something for myself during the last drug binge, I put myself through college with no help or support from him. In fact he told me not to go it wasn't the "right time", but I did it anyway bc thats what I wanted for myself. Later while sober he told me, that he at that point he didnt want me to go to school bc he thought that was my first step to leaving him. That I'd better myself and then leave. How selfish! ANyway back to doing something for myself, I have no $ currently so I cant do crafts and it is raining pretty hard out so I can't do anything outside, maybe I will just drive to the park and sit in my car and just look at the beautiful scene today. Maybe that will help me, IDK.
Kindeyes- I am really not sure what I like to do for me anymore... I have noticed that this is an ongoing prob for me, There are things that I used to love to do when I was single and occassionally when I am happy in my marriage I will do a few of those things, but then the misery returns and I lose interest. Its like his addiction strips me of my interests/hobbies, degrades my feelings, I lose my opinion I lose myself. If that makes any sense. I used to sing, dance, do crafts, go for a walk, go to the park etc but now I don't do that. I did do something for myself during the last drug binge, I put myself through college with no help or support from him. In fact he told me not to go it wasn't the "right time", but I did it anyway bc thats what I wanted for myself. Later while sober he told me, that he at that point he didnt want me to go to school bc he thought that was my first step to leaving him. That I'd better myself and then leave. How selfish! ANyway back to doing something for myself, I have no $ currently so I cant do crafts and it is raining pretty hard out so I can't do anything outside, maybe I will just drive to the park and sit in my car and just look at the beautiful scene today. Maybe that will help me, IDK.
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
I also lost me during the years with my AH I am still struggling to find out what I like too do, I was at the library about a month ago and they had a jazz band and some people competing in a dance I loved the music at age 46 I had no clue I liked jazz.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Your reactions to this situation, so out of your control, are making you crazy.
I so admire that you managed to put yourself through school despite your situation. And the consequences of your own behaviors mean that you have unlimited potential to take care of yourself and do good.
Is it time to go to your dad's place, get your bearings and some professional help, before you end up in the booby hatch?
Sticking around in hopes of compelling the sale of HIS house so you can can a return on your investment in his house is a long shot. No amount of money is worth your sanity.
I so admire that you managed to put yourself through school despite your situation. And the consequences of your own behaviors mean that you have unlimited potential to take care of yourself and do good.
Is it time to go to your dad's place, get your bearings and some professional help, before you end up in the booby hatch?
Sticking around in hopes of compelling the sale of HIS house so you can can a return on your investment in his house is a long shot. No amount of money is worth your sanity.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 528
You need to take care of you. You can not cure him is a bitter pill to swallow. In fact I have watched my dad try to save my sister for years, and it actually seems the more he wants her to get clean, the more she resists. A sick dance from two people struggling to exert their will. My stepmom, me and everyone else have been telling him that when he quits dancing, she might decide to get clean or not, but he is killing himself. The fact is after 20 years, none of us really know who she is anymore. The person he is trying to save may not exist or may get clean and want little to do with him. Same with AH and I, at this point he is supposedly clean 2 weeks, but I feel we are both happier apart.
Save yourself. Live for now. Take your current situation at face value. One human being on this planet of 6.5 billion can not hold the responsibility for all your pain or happiness or future.
Save yourself. Live for now. Take your current situation at face value. One human being on this planet of 6.5 billion can not hold the responsibility for all your pain or happiness or future.
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 499
Sometimes walking in the rain isn't so bad. I wish I could walk with you.
Lately I've been looking on Pinterest for craft projects that use items already in your house, so there's no shopping involved. I made a whole bunch of paper boxes out of old calendar images that I cut out, they're really pretty and require nothing but old paper and time.
Sometimes I just browse the craft section on Pinterest to get ideas: Pinterest / Home
They have a bunch of really cute stuff. Some of it looks too involved for me but a lot of it is pretty simple.
I hope you take some time for yourself, because you're completely right: he's not wasting even a second worrying about your feelings. I hope today is better and the sun comes out soon.
Lately I've been looking on Pinterest for craft projects that use items already in your house, so there's no shopping involved. I made a whole bunch of paper boxes out of old calendar images that I cut out, they're really pretty and require nothing but old paper and time.
Sometimes I just browse the craft section on Pinterest to get ideas: Pinterest / Home
They have a bunch of really cute stuff. Some of it looks too involved for me but a lot of it is pretty simple.
I hope you take some time for yourself, because you're completely right: he's not wasting even a second worrying about your feelings. I hope today is better and the sun comes out soon.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 12
Originally Posted by emptyshell 
Its like his addiction strips me of my interests/hobbies, degrades my feelings, I lose my opinion I lose myself. If that makes any sense. I used to sing, dance, do crafts, go for a walk, go to the park etc but now I don't do that. I did do something for myself during the last drug binge, I put myself through college with no help or support from him. In fact he told me not to go it wasn't the "right time", but I did it anyway bc thats what I wanted for myself. Later while sober he told me, that he at that point he didnt want me to go to school bc he thought that was my first step to leaving him. That I'd better myself and then leave. How selfish! ANyway back to doing something for myself, I have no $ currently so I cant do crafts and it is raining pretty hard out so I can't do anything outside, maybe I will just drive to the park and sit in my car and just look at the beautiful scene today. Maybe that will help me, IDK.
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 924
when I went through a separation the rain was my friend...I could walk with my umbrella and cry my eyes out if I wanted to because hardly anyone else was around! I found out, also, that it is quite beautiful out there when it is raining...all the colors kind of pop!
I clean my house for ME, I love dilly dallying and dusting and putting things in their place...my home is my sanctuary, and it was even when my ex was here...I wouldn't let him take that away from me, even when I would have to detach from a fight and walk around the block...I always knew I was coming back to my home.
the first thing I heard in al anon that was hard for me to understand is that "we CAN be happy whether the addict is using or not". getting grounded in your OWN spirit is part of the whole amazing process. where you stand, right here, right NOW, on your own two feet is in the middle of this moment, in your life. you are standing in the middle of your own life.
even people in holocaust camps were able to survive with unbroken spirits.
you are responsible for how you feel
he is not making you feel
this is one of the hardest things to grasp in recovery...and it is also one of the absolute BEST things to grasp
sure, we are all going to feel pain and sorrow and wish things were different
life is what happens while we are desperately trying to make other plans
get checked and find out if you are clinically depressed
and then...wake up and think about what you are thankful for
get out of bed and make a good plan for YOUR day
for YOUR life
get out of black and white thinking
take a break, get some distance, get some fresh air, get some support, get your life back.
I clean my house for ME, I love dilly dallying and dusting and putting things in their place...my home is my sanctuary, and it was even when my ex was here...I wouldn't let him take that away from me, even when I would have to detach from a fight and walk around the block...I always knew I was coming back to my home.
the first thing I heard in al anon that was hard for me to understand is that "we CAN be happy whether the addict is using or not". getting grounded in your OWN spirit is part of the whole amazing process. where you stand, right here, right NOW, on your own two feet is in the middle of this moment, in your life. you are standing in the middle of your own life.
even people in holocaust camps were able to survive with unbroken spirits.
you are responsible for how you feel
he is not making you feel
this is one of the hardest things to grasp in recovery...and it is also one of the absolute BEST things to grasp
sure, we are all going to feel pain and sorrow and wish things were different
life is what happens while we are desperately trying to make other plans
get checked and find out if you are clinically depressed
and then...wake up and think about what you are thankful for
get out of bed and make a good plan for YOUR day
for YOUR life
get out of black and white thinking
take a break, get some distance, get some fresh air, get some support, get your life back.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
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Posts: 60
Outtolunch, I have been thinking more & more about going to my Dads. But its a little like ripping a bandaid off a wound, theres that anticipation of hurt.
I am tired of walking around on egg shells bc of my husband, I am tired of false hope, I am tired of not knowing what each day will bring. Doesn't every person deserve safety and security in their relationships?! It makes me think of something I learned in school: Maslows Hieracy of Needs. Its a theory with 5 steps, the 1st and most basic step is a human's basic physiological needs (breathing, food, water etc), the 2nd step is safety (in relationships or employement etc), 3rd step is loving and belonging, 4th step is self esteem, and the 5th and ultimate goal step is self actualization. If your life is not complete in one of these steps then you are unable to move up to the next step and the ultimate goal. I am stuck with step 1, I have my basic human needs and that is all. I dont have a secure relationship (2), I dont feel loved or like I belong (3), I certainly don't have self esteem (4) so therefore I can not reach the goal of self actualization (5), I can not realize my potential or how much better my life could be. I am referring to this theory bc, (and you will not find this in a text book this is my own opinion) the step below basic needs is rock bottom, I feel the impending doom of that rock bottom for myself. I have been there several times in my own life (not bc of drugs or being in trouble or anything like that), I know what it feels like when you hit and I know what it feels like when you are tittering on the edge of that cliff before you hit, and that is where I feel like I am currently, on that edge looking over and fearing the depths of the bottom. I know I have to do better, I know I will have to rip that bandaid off, but for some stupid reason I am not letting myself. I dont know what that reason is, I'd like to say its love for my husband but I am thinking its fear more than love. Fear of the unknown, fear of the consequences for myself and him, fear of everything.
I am tired of walking around on egg shells bc of my husband, I am tired of false hope, I am tired of not knowing what each day will bring. Doesn't every person deserve safety and security in their relationships?! It makes me think of something I learned in school: Maslows Hieracy of Needs. Its a theory with 5 steps, the 1st and most basic step is a human's basic physiological needs (breathing, food, water etc), the 2nd step is safety (in relationships or employement etc), 3rd step is loving and belonging, 4th step is self esteem, and the 5th and ultimate goal step is self actualization. If your life is not complete in one of these steps then you are unable to move up to the next step and the ultimate goal. I am stuck with step 1, I have my basic human needs and that is all. I dont have a secure relationship (2), I dont feel loved or like I belong (3), I certainly don't have self esteem (4) so therefore I can not reach the goal of self actualization (5), I can not realize my potential or how much better my life could be. I am referring to this theory bc, (and you will not find this in a text book this is my own opinion) the step below basic needs is rock bottom, I feel the impending doom of that rock bottom for myself. I have been there several times in my own life (not bc of drugs or being in trouble or anything like that), I know what it feels like when you hit and I know what it feels like when you are tittering on the edge of that cliff before you hit, and that is where I feel like I am currently, on that edge looking over and fearing the depths of the bottom. I know I have to do better, I know I will have to rip that bandaid off, but for some stupid reason I am not letting myself. I dont know what that reason is, I'd like to say its love for my husband but I am thinking its fear more than love. Fear of the unknown, fear of the consequences for myself and him, fear of everything.
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Minneapolis
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if you are thinking about going to your Dad's then it must be somewhat of a safe place right? that is a "secure relationship",right?
practicing gratitude (however annoying it might sound when you are down!!) is a REALLY TRULY powerful thing...it has saved my A$$ over and over again. in our disease we tend to hyper focus on what we don't have...
really try to stop and take a deep deep breath and start to try to see what you do have in your life...
practicing gratitude (however annoying it might sound when you are down!!) is a REALLY TRULY powerful thing...it has saved my A$$ over and over again. in our disease we tend to hyper focus on what we don't have...
really try to stop and take a deep deep breath and start to try to see what you do have in your life...
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[QUOTE=HowCouldYou;3533181) I even dropped out of college at one point in our relationship because I just couldn't handle it. I'm back in college, but with (of course) no support from him. He can't even help me with flashcards. [/QUOTE]
I exactly know that feeling, my AH didnt help me with anything. I took out my own loans, I studied by myself, bc when I asked him to help me he'd try for 2 seconds then get pissed off and yell at me! Or if I didnt ask for help, and he saw I was obviously studying he couldn't even keep his mouth shut & give me some quiet time, he would rammble on and on in his drug intoxicated binge, I would pray for him to dope out and fall asleep. Watching him run around and talk a million miles a minute like a spaz exhausted me. he couldn't even emotionally support me during one of the hardest years of my life. I went to college FT and worked and did everything around the house, everything for him, he was NO help. ANd all the while I sat in class worrying about if he was on drugs, where he was, who he was with, how much $ was gone, had he sold more of my stuff, on and on and on. Prior to this past year I had also dropped a few classes bc I couldnt handle it anymore it was all too much. But please take my advice on this, go to your classes, do for you in that aspect! It was a great help to my spirit to go everyday, I made some new friends and I felt somewhat relieved to have a little time away from my AH. I didnt confide in any of my new friends about my AH, I vowed to myself to just go to classes and not talk about my AH, I def thought about it but I did not talk about it. I found myself in a good mood all day until it was time to go home, it helped me to see that I could be happy with other people.
I exactly know that feeling, my AH didnt help me with anything. I took out my own loans, I studied by myself, bc when I asked him to help me he'd try for 2 seconds then get pissed off and yell at me! Or if I didnt ask for help, and he saw I was obviously studying he couldn't even keep his mouth shut & give me some quiet time, he would rammble on and on in his drug intoxicated binge, I would pray for him to dope out and fall asleep. Watching him run around and talk a million miles a minute like a spaz exhausted me. he couldn't even emotionally support me during one of the hardest years of my life. I went to college FT and worked and did everything around the house, everything for him, he was NO help. ANd all the while I sat in class worrying about if he was on drugs, where he was, who he was with, how much $ was gone, had he sold more of my stuff, on and on and on. Prior to this past year I had also dropped a few classes bc I couldnt handle it anymore it was all too much. But please take my advice on this, go to your classes, do for you in that aspect! It was a great help to my spirit to go everyday, I made some new friends and I felt somewhat relieved to have a little time away from my AH. I didnt confide in any of my new friends about my AH, I vowed to myself to just go to classes and not talk about my AH, I def thought about it but I did not talk about it. I found myself in a good mood all day until it was time to go home, it helped me to see that I could be happy with other people.
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Relationships in his theory do not have to mean family or marriage etc... it can mean church, friends, volunteering etc.. keep in mind this theory was in 1943 and is very controversial.
Five Levels of the Hierarchy of Needs
There are five different levels in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs:
Physiological Needs
These include the most basic needs that are vital to survival, such as the need for water, air, food, and sleep. Maslow believed that these needs are the most basic and instinctive needs in the hierarchy because all needs become secondary until these physiological needs are met.
Security Needs
These include needs for safety and security. Security needs are important for survival, but they are not as demanding as the physiological needs. Examples of security needs include a desire for steady employment, health insurance, safe neighborhoods, and shelter from the environment.
Social Needs
These include needs for belonging, love, and affection. Maslow considered these needs to be less basic than physiological and security needs. Relationships such as friendships, romantic attachments, and families help fulfill this need for companionship and acceptance, as does involvement in social, community, or religious groups.
Esteem Needs
After the first three needs have been satisfied, esteem needs becomes increasingly important. These include the need for things that reflect on self-esteem, personal worth, social recognition, and accomplishment.
Self-actualizing Needs
This is the highest level of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Self-actualizing people are self-aware, concerned with personal growth, less concerned with the opinions of others, and interested fulfilling their potential.
Criticisms of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
While some research showed some support for Maslow's theories, most research has not been able to substantiate the idea of a needs hierarchy. Wahba and Bridwell reported that there was little evidence for Maslow's ranking of these needs and even less evidence that these needs are in a hierarchical order.
Other criticisms of Maslow's theory note that his definition of self-actualization is difficult to test scientifically. His research on self-actualization was also based on a very limited sample of individuals, including people he knew as well as biographies of famous individuals that Maslow believed to be self-actualized, such as Albert Einstein and Eleanor Roosevelt. Regardless of these criticisms, Maslow’s hierarchy of needs represents part of an important shift in psychology. Rather than focusing on abnormal behavior and development, Maslow's humanistic psychology was focused on the development of healthy individuals.
While there was relatively little research supporting the theory, hierarchy of needs is well-known and popular both in and out of psychology. In a study published in 2011, researchers from the University of Illinois set out to put the hierarchy to the test. What they discovered is that while fulfillment of the needs was strongly correlated with happiness, people from cultures all over the reported that self-actualization and social needs were important even when many of the most basic needs were unfulfilled.
Five Levels of the Hierarchy of Needs
There are five different levels in Maslow’s hierarchy of needs:
Physiological Needs
These include the most basic needs that are vital to survival, such as the need for water, air, food, and sleep. Maslow believed that these needs are the most basic and instinctive needs in the hierarchy because all needs become secondary until these physiological needs are met.
Security Needs
These include needs for safety and security. Security needs are important for survival, but they are not as demanding as the physiological needs. Examples of security needs include a desire for steady employment, health insurance, safe neighborhoods, and shelter from the environment.
Social Needs
These include needs for belonging, love, and affection. Maslow considered these needs to be less basic than physiological and security needs. Relationships such as friendships, romantic attachments, and families help fulfill this need for companionship and acceptance, as does involvement in social, community, or religious groups.
Esteem Needs
After the first three needs have been satisfied, esteem needs becomes increasingly important. These include the need for things that reflect on self-esteem, personal worth, social recognition, and accomplishment.
Self-actualizing Needs
This is the highest level of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. Self-actualizing people are self-aware, concerned with personal growth, less concerned with the opinions of others, and interested fulfilling their potential.
Criticisms of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
While some research showed some support for Maslow's theories, most research has not been able to substantiate the idea of a needs hierarchy. Wahba and Bridwell reported that there was little evidence for Maslow's ranking of these needs and even less evidence that these needs are in a hierarchical order.
Other criticisms of Maslow's theory note that his definition of self-actualization is difficult to test scientifically. His research on self-actualization was also based on a very limited sample of individuals, including people he knew as well as biographies of famous individuals that Maslow believed to be self-actualized, such as Albert Einstein and Eleanor Roosevelt. Regardless of these criticisms, Maslow’s hierarchy of needs represents part of an important shift in psychology. Rather than focusing on abnormal behavior and development, Maslow's humanistic psychology was focused on the development of healthy individuals.
While there was relatively little research supporting the theory, hierarchy of needs is well-known and popular both in and out of psychology. In a study published in 2011, researchers from the University of Illinois set out to put the hierarchy to the test. What they discovered is that while fulfillment of the needs was strongly correlated with happiness, people from cultures all over the reported that self-actualization and social needs were important even when many of the most basic needs were unfulfilled.
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Crazybabie- Iam glad someone knows what I am talking about w/ Maaslows. I know the theory is controversial but I do believe in it, maybe thats bc it was drilled and drilled into my head in school, lol. As I said in my other post, I think I will feel alot better when I get a job, and then I can move up the steps of Maslows. If I have a job I won't feel so stuck bc I know I can then provide for myself financially!
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