rosecity2012

I've been kicking around the idea for days of telling my coworkers that I'm quitting drinking, and want to quit for good.

Most of them are good friends both inside and outside of work. We've all shared some deeply personal life experiences with each other, and I feel that telling them would only continue to foster that open and honest community of support (one of them already knows I tried to kick it in the past, but her reaction only fostered that "I don't have a problem!" feeling because she never actually knew how bad this was, and now has gotten). I've never asked them for anything, or told them anything brutally honest. But I feel that, for my recovery's sake, they should know. I hate feeling like I'm lying to them by omission. But this is a big, big deal. And I'm scared of all the what-if's (just like I'm scared of all the what-if's of the rest of my recovery, but I'll cross those bridges when they come).

Anybody ever had this talk with co-workers and/or bosses? I'm also considering asking for a week off to detox though we are short several team members. It makes me feel bad that NOW is the time I'm ready to do this, and that'll leave every body else wading through the muck until I return. I'm feeling very conflicted. I'm not sure how to approach this, but I think they need to know why I'll be declining all happy-hour gatherings until further notice. I know that I need to get on this while I'm still in the mindset, but I don't know what the next right thing to do would be. Any advice would be awesome.

Thank you.

Rosecity

Auvers

If you think medical detox is needed for you to quit drinking, the HR resource person might be the best place to go for advice and process, after you have seen a doctor. I personally would not talk about my plans for detox prior to completing it, not with people at work. I would handle it as you would any other medically related problem that is urgent: take care of what is needed to protect your health and well being. The rest is all secondary. Best wishes to you.

nonblondechef

I love your courage and applaud your honesty. My drinking inadvertantly caused issues with work for me (imagine - a manager with an unmanageable life!) and I've had more than a few tearful closed door sit downs with my bosses. Though it may seem hard, opting out of the happy hour(s) is a great way to start. Embrace this moment and run with it. Sobriety is such a reward in itself, you won't regret taking the first steps, and I would be willing to bet your coworkers/friends will be please and perhaps inspired by you. Welcome to SR, rosecity2012 - you will find lots of support and inspiration here. Keep posting and let us know how things are going. You can do it!!

MsJax

Hi rosecity Just for me personally, in early sobriety I was very careful about who I told. Especially at work. (I am very private by nature) I did figure my actions would speak for themselves & thankfully, they did. People noticed and a few brought it up as I was behaving differently, working differently, and my appearance changed dramatically over time. It is nice to think everyone around us is good and supportive but unfortunately that is not always the case.

blueshades

I strongly agree with this. I would be extremely cautious about telling co-workers too much. Granted, I have few true friends at my job. One has to be aware of how information can be used and misused in work settings. I would confide in a spouse or significant other, a trusted family member, or a friend outside the workplace. While they might be nice to our faces and/or serve as drinking buddies, the people that we work with are not necessarily our allies. That is an unfortunate truth that I've been dealing with for the last couple of years. Needless to say, it has taken an enormous toll on my well-being.

Anna

I would never, ever discuss my alcoholism with my co-workers or boss, for many reasons.

I am very private, but that's only part of it. There are so many misconceptions about alcoholics and like it or not, people would be judging you. It could easily cross over to a situation where co-workers are wondering if the reason you didn't finish a project on time is because you were drinking.

Lost3000

Here's my 2 cents: I told one, trusted coworker. And I didn't tell her that I'm an alcoholic, just told her I quit. She immediately assumed it was for health reasons and I let her think that, because that is partly true. I also made sure to tell a coworker that also does not drink.

Now, I work for a very large, gossipy, political law firm. I didn't tell one other person b/c they don't need to know. Not only that, but I felt that telling others would only complicate things with my efforts in sobriety. It's hard enough for me to manage my new life, without having to deal with coworkers and bosses.

By telling my one friend, I enlisted an ally for future firm events which always involve drinking. Together, we tackle these events. It makes things a lot easier.

I'm almost 8 months into sobriety now and can honestly say I'm glad I didn't tell anyone at work. They really don't need to know.

Also, with regard to your drinking friends, and coworkers, I have two things to say about that:

1. Coworkers are not actual friends. If they left your company, would you still get together? Have you done other things (besides happy hour) with them outside of the office? Do you hang with their spouses, family? No? Then they are not friends.

2. All of my drinking friends dropped away like a stone in a pond. They still don't talk to me. I suspect, although I'll never know unless they tell me, that me quitting made them look at themselves, and that's not a comfortable thing. Also, since our one source of entertainment was taken away by me, we were left with nothing. So they continue to drink and I continue to be sober, but we are completely apart now.

Good luck, sounds like you are a planner. I'm a planner, and it really worked for me in the beginning.

FredG

Sounds like that if you don't quit you'll die. Then the gap at work would be permanent.

Short time now - permanent later.

If your co-workers are truly your friends, they'll understand and support you. If they aren't, does it really matter?

miamifella

You do not need to tell anyone. You just need to stop.

When I would go with friends or coworkers to bars after quitting I would just order a selzter. It was not something I needed to make a big thing out of. No one cared or even noticed.

rosecity2012

Thanks everyone for your input. I've decided that I'm keeping this to myself for now. I find that I give people the benefit of the doubt, but didn't think about anybody using my quitting drinking against me. I'd hate to have that happen.

Lost3000

The way I viewed it, I needed to get sober and that's ALL I cared about at that moment. Things had a weird way of working out on their own with me, and I'm sure it'll be the same way with you. I think it was because I stopped spending my time worrying about them and began to work at looking at ME. Maybe someday I'll tell them, if they ask - but I am certainly not going to broadcast it, you know?

You'll be fine, just worry about stopping drinking for now.

blueshades

What she says. Lost hit the nail on the head. Look out for yourself first, rosecity, and you'll be fine!

ISPYSOBRIETY

First of all, good for you for confronting this irregularity we as drinkers most often try to defend. Until you analyze it and nail down exactly what it is, it's difficult to move forward with your life.

I simply told my bosses, friends and family that I had reached a point in my life where I was giving alcohol up completely... That I drank to 'Taking the edge off' but couldn't determine with any specificity, exactly what the whole 'edge' was. It was life. Good days, bad days... there was always an 'edge' to take off and that just wasn't the way I wanted to continue living, fighting life. So, I left it behind.

I didn't share with them that "that edge" had caused me to roll my car about 5 times the weekend before. I let it go too long and it bit me in the ass.

I eventually told them about it all and they STILL said they didn't think I had a problem with it, and continued to offer me drinks, which I never again had.

It's been two years ago today since I drank. I still remember that night.

Go for it and good luck!

Shaymer

RoseCity- Thank you. I'm 3 days in. struggling with that dilema. The 3 people I told at are 3 women I share an office with. I've talked about this issue with nobody else at work.

I've told these women because:

They're friends outside of work and our families have created relationships. Picnics, ballgames, Superbowl parties, car trouble on a tuesday night. I trust them completely. They are aware of my struggles and have been completely supportive. Plus, they're going to have to deal with me 8 hours a day while I fight through this. I think its the least I can do.

I haven't told them that my alcohol use and drunken temper tantrums are destroying what is otherwise a wonderful marriage though. I'm doing the things that will make my life more functional. People in the copy room or Conference table don't need to know my buisness, but if they happen to find out that I got sober, so what.

justhadenough

I would also be very cautious. I would never discuss such private matters at work.You are making yourself very vulnerable disclosing such personal info-your workmates may not actually be such good friends. If anyone asks you maybe say you are quitting for health reasons-this is true

justhadenough

100% agree with Anna

ACT10Npack

Going to give you my 2 cents on the matter. When I was working for a company with over 1000+ people, we had an upper boss that was always drunk or had bad hangovers. I don't know which one because I never try to seem him if he was drunk at the time. This was before I had a drinking problem. We coworkers would always talk about how he was always drunk and made fun of him because of it. Seem bad for doing it but it's general true with all bosses that didn't have a drinking problem. Also no one really like him and it didn't seem like he did anything at the company.

If you do decide to tell your coworkers and boss about your alcohol problem then you will have problems in the long run when it comes to sick days and coming in late. They will always think that you can't come in or comes in late because hangovers or still drunk. That's the first thing, second if your performance drops at work then they will think alcohol maybe the cause.

The last thing is that they may let you go because of it too. Would think that you are not relatable at the job. But wait is that illegal do let someone go because of alcoholism? Yes, but they can use any other excuse to tell you go without using alcoholism as the cause.

It maybe a stretch but it could happen!

Lost3000

Congratulations!!! Very inspiring.

Lost3000

To me, these are actual friends that you work with as well.

Lost3000

Good decision (I think - LOL). It'll work out eventually, you'll see.