Need some clarity....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: colorado
Posts: 2
Need some clarity....
Hi, Recently moved to a new town and I joined this boardd because there are no meetings anywhere nearby that anyone seems to attend. My DH is newly sober a little over 6mos and the crazies are coming out. If I try and voice my opinion on anything I'm either a nag or controlling. Generally I don't say anything anymore because he goes off in a hissy fit for lack of a better word. He acts like a 14 year old and has a temper tantrum of sorts. I don't know how else to explain this. He's been going to a therapist and she said that it sounds to her like we have communication issues, well yes we do?!, so he made me an appt to see her and then we're going to one together. The last time this happen the therapist told him he's an addict (pot) and needs to go to rehab. He tends to focus on me and the whammy he's the one w/the 'issue'.
I've been in Alanon for 20+ years. I don't feel that I'm co dependent w/him at all. However, I'm at my wits end as to dealing w/living in this relationship where someone lashes out verbally/emotionally. I have no idea what his sponsor is telling him but it's time to put the big boy pants on and start acting like an adult.
The last time I saw our therapist before our move she did ask me if I'm ready to live w/a 14 year old...didn't understand what she meant at the time but I sure do now!
Any suggestions?
PS We've been together for 7 years.
I've been in Alanon for 20+ years. I don't feel that I'm co dependent w/him at all. However, I'm at my wits end as to dealing w/living in this relationship where someone lashes out verbally/emotionally. I have no idea what his sponsor is telling him but it's time to put the big boy pants on and start acting like an adult.
The last time I saw our therapist before our move she did ask me if I'm ready to live w/a 14 year old...didn't understand what she meant at the time but I sure do now!
Any suggestions?
PS We've been together for 7 years.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: In a better place
Posts: 282
Some people are emotional adolescents; abstaining does not automatically grow them up, though it prepares the ground for the inner work that's needed. Blaming others, lashing out, emotional/verbal abuse is just unacceptable in adults. If your husband is immature, it will take more than sobriety for him to evolve.
Seeing a therapist is a very good idea, but so is setting clear boundaries around what you will and will not accept as far as respect is concerned. Perhaps what the last therapist said to you about your willingness to live with a 14-year-old is something you can explore with a counselor (of your own choosing).
And if this is new behavior and he has never treated you poorly or thrown tantrums in the past, I'm not sure what that means. But there are plenty of knowledgeable, experienced people on this board, so stay tuned. They'll be along to help.
Sending you blessings at this trying time.
Seeing a therapist is a very good idea, but so is setting clear boundaries around what you will and will not accept as far as respect is concerned. Perhaps what the last therapist said to you about your willingness to live with a 14-year-old is something you can explore with a counselor (of your own choosing).
And if this is new behavior and he has never treated you poorly or thrown tantrums in the past, I'm not sure what that means. But there are plenty of knowledgeable, experienced people on this board, so stay tuned. They'll be along to help.
Sending you blessings at this trying time.
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