Pigtails

I am 5 days sober today. I've been realizing that when I was sober for over 7 months, the most positive change I made was not drinking, but I think I kept a lot of "alcoholic" habits and ways of life. Ex., sitting around eating ice cream and watching TV until 3 in the morning ("because at least I'm not drinking") and then getting up late and procrastinating at work etc. This time I am trying to live the life I want to live and take action to change my life for the better, in addition to just not drinking.

I am still experiencing physical problems from my miscarriage and they are not sure what is going on with me- hopefully the bloodwork I got done today will answer some questions and I can finally start moving on from that. But not drinking has so far helped me through the process much better than not drinking has. Although I haven't been able to go to the gym or exercise, I've been trying to eat well (in fact, *wanting* to eat well, which is rare for me!), and here are some things I did this weekend, instead of drinking... I feel like I've been more productive these past few days than I have in months:

- Cleaned an entire room full of stuff (I've been slowly moving back into the house I own after my tenants left... but I had all this stuff piled up and never bothered to go through it or put it away, until this weekend);

- Went shopping for nutritional food, and made and ate salad and fruits etc.;

- Got budgeting software and tackled my out-of-control finances;

- Did some big projects for work, and am working on some more.

I'm realizing that for me sobriety and living the life I want takes ACTION-- even if I don't feel like doing something, if I do it, I feel much better. Even a small thing like buying my own coffee and creamer and getting up early and making it at home, rather than stopping by the gas station for my daily coffee that drains my wallet, feels like a huge accomplishment, because I didn't WANT to do it, and it was easier not to, but I did.

FredG

Congrats on 5 days Pigtails - Love the name - it congures all sorts of images.

IN any case you've got the right attitude. To get something worth having takes lots of work. My opinion is that it doesn't matter which program you go with, commit to it. In the years I've been alive and sober, I personally have found that nothing worth having comes easy.

Sobriety certainly wasn't an exception. Anyone can get sober. Staying sober, for us, takes work.

Anna

Pigtails, you are absolutely right about making the changes in your life that you need to make. I believe that drinking is the symptom and we have to deal with the stuff we've been avoiding for so long.

I also found that every small change I made in my life, had a ripple effect and carried through to other parts of my life.

Pigtails

Thanks! I chose it because I have a picture of my little sister and myself sitting on a swing in our backyard when we were little, both in pigtails. I want to return to that happy/innocent place. I also like to run so it works well for that too.

And thank you for the inspiration. Last time I didn't drink I had all these negative thoughts like "I'm cursed with this disease forever, I'm a weak person, I have to concentrate all my energy on not drinking or I will fail," etc. This time I am trying to think more positively about it, like, I am strong, yes I have this problem but it does not define me, I have many things I want to accomplish in life, and drinking takes me much farther away from my goals than it does to bring me towards them, so the logical thing to do is not drink, not as any character/value statement about myself, but more about how it doesn't fit in line with the life I want to live.

I'm not trying to say I was miserable during my sobriety-- in fact, things got better in my life emotionally for the first time in a long time, and I had a lot of hope and desire for change. I guess over time though it just wore on me and I felt like my whole life was about *not* drinking rather than about living the life I want, which necessarily involves not drinking. I'm also not trying to pretend I'm perfect or have no personality flaws-- I have a lot of them, but I think a better way to deal with them is to address them head-on and take action to change them separate and apart from (but in addition to) not drinking.

I don't know if I'm making sense and am still trying to articulate my feelings at this time. I whole-heartedly agree that nothing good comes easily, including not drinking. It takes work, but so does everything that's worthwhile.

Pigtails

I like this way of thinking. Thanks for sharing it.

Deserto

Yep, this is a big lesson. Turns out, no one is going to do all those things we want in our lives for us

Seriously.

fgo

Amen to that pigtails...