Question about having children
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: NY
Posts: 2
Question about having children
Hello, I am new. My boyfriend of 9 years quit drinking about 3 years ago and is doing so well. He never did anything to harm me or even cause me any heartache or worry or anything like that, so I don't have anything myself to forgive or any resentment etc. My brother developed severe major depression in his 20s and anxiety, my uncle and grandpa and oldest brother were alcoholics (but never lived near/with me), and my cousin was bulimic. Supposedly my dad liked to drink beers but I never noticed any big problems with his drinking and as he got older he didn't do it much. To be honest, I felt like I had a really normal and excellent childhood and didn't really know about these problems till my late 20s. With my boyfriend, I never did anything enabling-wise and he was pretty much on his own with quitting (I did not pressure him although I knew his binge-drinking was not healthy). He's really turned it around on his own. I go out once in awhile but not a big drinker either (get stomach ache from it mostly).
I am 30 and my boyfriend 31. We are both doing well in our careers, and we want to get married soon.
We want to have kids and I would like to ensure that they are raised well and hopefully without any kind of big issues. I want to turn out happy and healthy children. So is there anything that parents who have alcoholism in their own families can do parenting-wise to counteract the effect that our genes may have on our kids? Or is it really just based on your genes?
I am 30 and my boyfriend 31. We are both doing well in our careers, and we want to get married soon.
We want to have kids and I would like to ensure that they are raised well and hopefully without any kind of big issues. I want to turn out happy and healthy children. So is there anything that parents who have alcoholism in their own families can do parenting-wise to counteract the effect that our genes may have on our kids? Or is it really just based on your genes?
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hello Meadow, Welcome to SR!
That is a very complex question as the reasons for alcoholism are also complex...part biology, part environment. While there does seem to be some evidence of heritability and addiction, there is no 'addiction gene' for which anyone can be tested. There is a gene expressed in certain individuals that allows the endorphine receptors in the brain to be, well, more receptive.
My maternal grandmother, grandfather, aunt, cousins and sister were/are all alcoholics. My Mom is not, I am not. I have no idea why there is a difference.
As far as parenting is concerned, perhaps the more you and your boyfriend work on being the healthiest people you can be as individuals, the better chance you will have for a long and happy marriage, and for having happy, well adjusted children who will grow into happy, contributing adults.
I wish you and your boyfriend every happiness for your future!
That is a very complex question as the reasons for alcoholism are also complex...part biology, part environment. While there does seem to be some evidence of heritability and addiction, there is no 'addiction gene' for which anyone can be tested. There is a gene expressed in certain individuals that allows the endorphine receptors in the brain to be, well, more receptive.
My maternal grandmother, grandfather, aunt, cousins and sister were/are all alcoholics. My Mom is not, I am not. I have no idea why there is a difference.
As far as parenting is concerned, perhaps the more you and your boyfriend work on being the healthiest people you can be as individuals, the better chance you will have for a long and happy marriage, and for having happy, well adjusted children who will grow into happy, contributing adults.
I wish you and your boyfriend every happiness for your future!
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Join Date: Apr 2004
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It is really hard to say.
There is alcoholism on both sides of my family. My Sister and I were raised the same by the same parents, I am an alcoholic, she is not.
My sister's husband also had alcoholism up and down both sides of his family but was not an alcoholic. They had four children, all raised the same, one of the four is an addict.
My first husband (an alcoholic from alcoholic family on both sides of his family) married his first wife, also an alcoholic with alcoholics on both sides of her family. They have four children, whom I ended up raising after we married (I was 21 he was 31) because she died from alcoholism. One of those is an A.
Our biological daughter is not and has never had any problems with it.
So ....................... is it genes? Some of it. Is it environment? Don't know. I know for years I have heard and read the same statistic, but cannot find the sources:
"If a child is born of one alcoholic, it has a 50% chance of being an alcoholic. If a child is born of two alcoholic parents it has an 85% of being an alcoholic."
Or A as in addict. However, both my sisters children and my adopted children disprove that.
One more example: One of my Sponsor's other sponsees was an identical twin, given up at birth, she had almost 9 years when I got sober. At the age of 53 she found her
sister. Now D had been raised in a teetotalling home, no alcohol until she was out and about after age 21. She became the alcoholic. Her identical twin was raised in a home where there was drinking, not excess but some. Other dysfunctions though, (what home doesn't have some dysfunction?) and she had never had a problem with alcohol. They had found out that both their birth mother and father both came from alcoholic homes, so it was in both their genes.
See, it's a crap shoot, no one can answer your question. No clue on odds whatsoever. None, Nada.
Be the best Mom and Dad you can.
Love and hugs,
There is alcoholism on both sides of my family. My Sister and I were raised the same by the same parents, I am an alcoholic, she is not.
My sister's husband also had alcoholism up and down both sides of his family but was not an alcoholic. They had four children, all raised the same, one of the four is an addict.
My first husband (an alcoholic from alcoholic family on both sides of his family) married his first wife, also an alcoholic with alcoholics on both sides of her family. They have four children, whom I ended up raising after we married (I was 21 he was 31) because she died from alcoholism. One of those is an A.
Our biological daughter is not and has never had any problems with it.
So ....................... is it genes? Some of it. Is it environment? Don't know. I know for years I have heard and read the same statistic, but cannot find the sources:
"If a child is born of one alcoholic, it has a 50% chance of being an alcoholic. If a child is born of two alcoholic parents it has an 85% of being an alcoholic."
Or A as in addict. However, both my sisters children and my adopted children disprove that.
One more example: One of my Sponsor's other sponsees was an identical twin, given up at birth, she had almost 9 years when I got sober. At the age of 53 she found her
sister. Now D had been raised in a teetotalling home, no alcohol until she was out and about after age 21. She became the alcoholic. Her identical twin was raised in a home where there was drinking, not excess but some. Other dysfunctions though, (what home doesn't have some dysfunction?) and she had never had a problem with alcohol. They had found out that both their birth mother and father both came from alcoholic homes, so it was in both their genes.
See, it's a crap shoot, no one can answer your question. No clue on odds whatsoever. None, Nada.
Be the best Mom and Dad you can.
Love and hugs,
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