Remetan

Hi. I stumbled upon this site while googling things I'm ashamed to admit I googled. It's 7:30 pm and still 96 degrees here. I don't know if my constant clamminess is alcohol or heat related. I don't know that I'm addicted. I do know I started drinking so I could sleep and now I can't sleep unless I drink. I'm tired of it. I'm tired of budgeting in over a hundred dollars a month so I can get my buzz on, I'm tired of planning my social life around whether or not I can drink at a function, I'm tired of hiding how much I drink from other people. I'm not sober. I'm not even sober as an alcoholic deems sober. I've had two drinks. I'm preparing to drink a third.

I do know I'm tired of this. I want to stop. I want to have my life back. I'm tired of what my life is right now, and as an intelligent person, I know my life is limited because I drink so much.

I drink ciders, not wine or liquor. I drink from two to six a night. I can easily go two or three days without drinking. Until the last couple months. I've added hard alcohol, something I used to avoid. It's been free, and I've been broke. The hard alcohol has only been the last week, but it's enough to make me question.

Here's the thing, I don't want to drink. I don't want to be dependent on drink. I don't want to look forward to it every day. I've read all the links and the handbooks and the self help books and the recovery journals and everything else. I need to know what to do tonight, when I shut the alcohol down and have to lay down to sleep. I need to know what to do tomorrow night, when I'm starting to go to sleep and my brain doesn't want to. I come to you with a request for what to do in the short term. That's a thing I can't find......

I have all the things at my beck and call, more ciders, other things that can intoxicate me so I don't think about it. But I can't do those other things. They make me crazy with anxiety. And I can't afford to see a doctor, I already owe money for my last annual. Help. Please?

Bledsoe

My friend, I have been in your shoes.
What part of the globe are you in? That will make it easier to relay phone numbers of groups that can help you

Remetan

I'm in Oregon, US.

fgo

remetan... avrt is working for me. but that is me. IF you really want it you can find a way that will work on this site.. read and hang in there

Bledsoe

Alcoholics Anonymous Oregon Area 58 its a start just one of many places that can help tonight close by

24 Hour Hotline: 541-548-0440

Remetan

Look, I've read and tried and read and tried. I'm not talking about short term get through the week thing. I'm saying I've had psych classes and a lifetime of addicts at my knee. I need to know what I do right now, as I lay down to sleep and my brain doesn't let me, and tomorrow night when I get home and have nothing else to do.....How do I occupy my brain? How do I defeat the demons that await me in my bed? How do I overcome the anxiety attacks? How do I tell my brain that it's a temporary inconvenience and it will get used to doing without? I want it. I want sobriety. I want to be done. I don't know how to deal with the short term......

DisplacedGRITS

i found tea brewed with an herb called valerian root to be helpful with sleep. also, just valerian root extract in gelcap form is good for sleep. you can find it at most natural food stores or vitamin shops. celestial seasonings makes a tea called Sleepytime Extra that has 50mgs of valerian in it. i used to be able to find it in grocery stores but now all i find it regular Sleepytime tea.

Bledsoe

How bout just dealing with tonight first? Just a suggestion...

Remetan

I can't do AA. I've too many damaging memories around religion to do so.

Dee74

Many places in the US now have free or low cost clinics

Free/Low-Cost/Sliding-Scale Clinics

logging in here was very useful to me in the early days too - not only reading and posting for myself, but helping others helped me too.

If you're open to the possibility of recovery groups like AA or one of the alternatives, you can find that info here too

welcome aboard Remetan

D

artsoul

Welcome Remetan -

I started drinking to help me sleep, too. Over time, it grew into a monster that I used for just about everything. I knew it was becoming a problem when I started feeling guilty and trying to hide how much I drank. Then, I found I couldn't cut back, even when I wanted to.

I know the first days can be tough - most of us do have some insomnia. But once you get through it, the sleep is actually much better than what we get while drinking.

DisplacedGRITS

unfortunately, part of early recovery is getting used to being uncomfortable for a little while. it's not easy and those panic attacks and feelings of anxiety are going to come. what has to happen is that you have to remember that your goal is sobriety and that comes at a price. is it worth the price? yes. does it get easier? absolutely. but you're just starting out and learning now. remember to breathe. close your eyes and breathe deep and remember that with every step you take forward in sobriety you are learning the skills you need to make it easier for the next day. as you string days together you will build on these skills, develop new ones and find your own path. it is hard right now and i understand. but that's why places like SR are here. that you're here is good. this place is a tool to be used in times like this. you're learning a skill right now. to reach out when you need help. to seek encouragement so you know there's a light at the end of that dark tunnel. stick with it and keep moving forward. it gets better sooner than you think but only if you keep working at it. if it's uncomfortable than you're doing it RIGHT! if it was comfortable then something would be wrong. get it? comfortable is what you were doing and you don't want to be doing that anymore. you have to break yourself into sobriety. please don't be discouraged. you're actually doing really well. stick to your guns and keep trying. we're here for you and will help and encourage you the whole way.

sissy07

Welcome to SR! I know this is about more than sleep, but that was a big problem for me, until I found melatonin. You can get it at Walmart, etc. in the vitamin aisle - and it is very inexpensive. In the beginning I don't know what I would have done without that natural sleep aid. I wish you the best.

Wayne444

Sleep was one of the biggest reasons I drank. (I quit for quite a while but recently relapsed in a big horrible way.) I didn't think I could sleep without it. What has helped me: doctor's visit, taking deep breaths slowly and counting slowly each one in and out. Starting with your feet and going up and stretching each individual part of your body. Playing games in my mind to occupy my mind. That is the biggest thing for me is keeping my mind quiet at night. It was getting a lot easier until I relapsed and now it has been very hard, so I guess where I'm arriving at is that the best way to sleep is not to drink.

DisplacedGRITS

i'm not a religious person either but i went to AA for the fellowship and encouragement. it really did get me through the early times. i don't think i could have made it without those people. they were/are part of the foundation of my sobriety. i never had anyone approach me about religion. i held hands for the Our Father to feel the solidarity of the group. my Our Father is always directed at my own, personal Higher Power.

if you've never been to an AA meeting, try going and don't let the God thing discourage you. God is a word of convenience there. it's a God as you come to understand him/her/it. your Higher Power can be a toothbrush for all anyone cares. the only requirement is that you honestly wish to quit drinking. and if you honestly want to quit, don't let a word keep you from a fellowship that can help you.

Remetan

I've done melatonin. I've done velarian (ps...when taken in high doses it gives you super diarrhea....) I need to know what you all do nightly. I want sleep. It avoids me, it always had. As a child I painted or read or wrote until the early morning. When I discovered alcohol in college I thought I was cured. Sleep finally came. Now I realize I'm labouring over a mis-belief. I'll not sleep until I find piece. How do I find piece?

Remetan

Honestly, I'm not trying to be difficult. I know my issues come from unresolved sexual abuse. I know they come from me not admitting my own distractions in the aftermath. I also know I have no health insurance. I can't seek counsel. I want to. I can't. Instead, I seek experience in coping methods. What can I do aside from this? I have, in my head, a barn and a farm. But lately it's been hard to get there since I usually go to bed too drunk to focus on it.

LovesToTravel

I spent lots of time in the arcade section of this website..check it out and hang in there...Welcome To SR...

DisplacedGRITS

how do you find peace? well, that's a very personal question! i have severe insomnia and had to seek medical help. i'm on medication that's off label use is for my insomnia. i could power through it at night if i wanted to and i did in the beginning. for me personally, i find peace at the end of the day because i know that i did something that day for my sobriety and that i made it through another day sober. i achieved a goal and often i learned something new about myself or thought about my sobriety in a new way. also, i have learned to stop worrying too much about what the future holds. let tomorrows worries come tomorrow and let today just be today. worrying about tomorrow often does no good and only causes us undo anxiety. you have to ask yourself what is causing your stress. what is keeping you up at night? what can you do about it? if you can do nothing about it, then accept that you can do nothing about it. acceptance is part of life and recovery. if you can do something about it, than do it. change is part of life and recovery. i'm sure you're familiar with the Serenity Prayer. it gets me through many of my days and anxieties. learning to accept the things i cannot change has given me a lot of peace in my life.

DisplacedGRITS

you're not being difficult. if you're not drunk now then you can get to your barn and your farm. as far as the counseling goes, have you exhausted looking into low cost options? perhaps you could call the nurse at the doctor's office you use and see if they have any advice? they're there for you and don't charge for advice.