If you feel like you cannot detach with love...
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 87
If you feel like you cannot detach with love...
YOU CAN!! I am doing it! I have been such a push-over when it comes to the alcoholic in my life. All talk and no action. My world revolved around him. Free time (not working or at school) was wasted if it wasn't spent with him. He hurt me so much, let me down so many times, and I stomped my feet and made threats and sent him angry text messages...but I always continued to accept his behavior.
It's so funny because even he has said I'm a little firecracker. My co-workers joke that any time a caller tries to make them bend the rules, they "channel me" so that they can enforce policy. But with him I was different. I always put his needs before mine, I forgave him so easily for things that I would never forgive most people for. He is one of maybe 4 people in the world that I am this way with, the other being my sister and her children.
But in the last month, I have only seen him 3 times, and I haven't gone out of my way or worked any miracles to do so. I have not been all upbeat and sweet to him if that is not what I'm feeling. I have let him know that while I do not want to "punish him," I am putting myself first. I'm not budging on my boundaries. I hope that he is making good choices, but I realized that me worrying about it isn't going to change his behavior.
I still want to be with him and I am hoping that it works out, but I am also placing little to no stake in the matter. He does his own thing, I do mine. He knows what he needs to do in order for us to be together, and whether he does it or not is up to him. I can imagine myself without him, and for a long time, I couldn't.
There is hope
It's so funny because even he has said I'm a little firecracker. My co-workers joke that any time a caller tries to make them bend the rules, they "channel me" so that they can enforce policy. But with him I was different. I always put his needs before mine, I forgave him so easily for things that I would never forgive most people for. He is one of maybe 4 people in the world that I am this way with, the other being my sister and her children.
But in the last month, I have only seen him 3 times, and I haven't gone out of my way or worked any miracles to do so. I have not been all upbeat and sweet to him if that is not what I'm feeling. I have let him know that while I do not want to "punish him," I am putting myself first. I'm not budging on my boundaries. I hope that he is making good choices, but I realized that me worrying about it isn't going to change his behavior.
I still want to be with him and I am hoping that it works out, but I am also placing little to no stake in the matter. He does his own thing, I do mine. He knows what he needs to do in order for us to be together, and whether he does it or not is up to him. I can imagine myself without him, and for a long time, I couldn't.
There is hope
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 104
I can't quote on the iPad ( or haven't figured out how) but I love what you said about not hiding your feelings. My problem now though is that xABF thinks that I should be more positive towards him and that all I show is anger and resentment. I realize everyone's situation is different, but is your SO being okay with how things are going, or is he pushing to see you more often than the few times you've seen him and you just aren't allowing him? I feel like I'm to the point of having to go NC because no matter how often I talk to him or time I've spent with him, it's never enough for him.
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