cat5656

I got a simple question with a not so simple answer. I am catholic. I am struggling with the fact that my qualifier had cheated on me multiple times when she was active. A little back ground. Married for over 10 years, two beautiful children also. Both in our 40’s. Good jobs. Own our home. I am struggling with this fact to the point of physical internal pain. Sleepless nights. A mental weight on my shoulders, feels like I am carrying a city bus on my shoulders. My guilt. And a whole lot of metal pictures in my head. Just total betrayal and destruction. Now as a catholic. What do I do? What can she do to restore “HER” vows? Or repent? Or make amends to me? Vows that I took very very very seriously. I have talk to others, but I can’t understand their reasoning. One said “Oh, it’s OK, she was active, so you have to forgive her”. Mind you, the person I was talking to was an addict. There is a tremendous amount of other stuff that I am dealing with, the collateral damage is unbelievable. It’s like she went outside the house with a flame thrower and burned the entire house down with my children and myself in it. Then turned around and said “what”, that’s nothing. Look what else I can do and did!!!! So, I am at a crossroad in my life right now. I don’t know what to do. For the first F_N time in my life, I don’t know what the F@CK to do!! I am praying to my HP. Yes I am attending meeting, yes I am going to therapy. I want my life back. I want to be at peace. I don't want to feel like i am going 100 MPH when i get up and when i try to sleep.

TMZ

I am sorry your in this tough situation. Though I don't deal with an addicted spouse, I deal with 2 children that my higher power has put in my charge. Neither of us can just walk away. We must remember that it is a disease. there may be no cure but there is recovery.

It's not about her vows but your vows now. It seams your struggling with your Catholic beliefs. I am also Catholic There are answers in the teachings speak with the priest and see if there is a group in the church you can attend. But to leave religion out of it remember that your higher power never gives you more than you can handle.

Through Nar-Anon I have found my peace again. I have learned how to deal with my own life and allow the A's to deal with there own bad choices. I can only control myself, and my life. I have reached a point of understanding and am finally free of the control of addiction.

keep working on you and keep posting and reading.

sojourner

Hi Cat5656: Welcome to SR!

I too am Catholic and am grateful to be. My suggestion for you is to educate yourself on chemical addiction - what it does to the brain, the parts of the brain that are affected with decreased blood flow, esp. the frontal lobe where morals lie. All addicted brains are affected. That may help you to begin to understand your spouse's behavior while in active addiction.

Hope that helps.

crazybabie

I am not Catholic, however I struggle with the same thing my vows were said before God and others and I took them seriously, I am starting to see that my AH is breaking every vow we took I personally believe God is merciful and doesn't expect me to continue and live that way.

I still am talking to several pastors I trust and try and sort this out.