Weasel1966

How the hell do you wake up wanting a drink? WTF?

Ok .... I am ready. If its going to be that kind of day I am up for the challenge.

To be honest I don't feel up to it. I want to not have this fight everyday.

Here's the part where I go why me?

Well... I promised myself when I want to ask that to ask myself why not me? Who better than to have an awful addiction but me?

I am strong enough to fight it.

I am smart enough to understand the methods and techniques to thwart it.

I am financially able to support it.

So?

why not me and not some poor shmuck that has no way to defend himself.

Boy I am glad I am me.

If I wasn't me then I might already be dead from this sh!t.

I know this early part is when we relearn and adjust. I know I am just in a horrible mood right now.

Its Friday again. The F ing best day of the week. And I wake with this hanging over me.

There are days I can do this without issue or a lot of BS. But then there are days I need to double time it.

I guess I accept what needs to be done today. Because I want a morning tomorrow that I can savor. I need to look up from where I am at the moment.

But damn it sucks to have to.

427

You're an inspiration! But I'm sorry you're experiencing that. You're a strong person.

aeo1313

You can do this- you will make it through the day sober.

Weasel1966

Thanks!

Today is one of those days I need to be actively conscious every second. There's no down time today. I accept that about the end goal.

Sobriety comes at a price.

But that price is still smaller than the alternative.

TorontoGuy28

You can crash this thing..

I too used to wake up with an insane idea of a liquid lunch for example. My heart would race, I would get all excited for it... Insanity.

Thankfully that's no longer the case.

Good 4 you for recognizing this !

Dee74

I used to wake up like that most days, weasel.

Why me? why you? I don't know.

I get the feeling but its kinda like following Alice down the rabbit hole...it leads nowhere really.

I do know that with a plan and some support you and I can stay sober today and through the weekend

It's a Friday - but it doesn't have to the same as all those other past Fridays

D

Weasel1966

Dee.... It's not. That's probably the point I should have made.

I have a plan. I have support. It's a sober day. But I get tired like everyone else that this issue and addiction is always center stage. I want my life I used to have where I was carefree.

I guess I woke up mourning More than struggling.

I may be sad for the for the moment but it will pass. I have a great weekend planned.

Dee74

I got the point Ken
Have a great weekend

D

benice

“I guess I woke up mourning more than struggling.”

Boy, does that resonate. Logically, alcohol is no friend, but illogically it is an old friend to be missed. WHOA, back to reality. Thanks for the wakeup call! TGIF…

sugarbear1

Stay strong, there will come a day where you wake up because you know how much you can accomplish without having your own addiction at the forefront.....

The only way to get there is to keep staying stopped. Go do something, maybe your mood will change!

Hugs,

lilyrosemary

just think of how great it's going to be when you wake up saturday morning, with no hangover!

Weasel1966

Thanks for the encouragement.

No chance I will drink today. I am absolute (no drink pun intended) in staying sober today.

To its pizza night so I will get it and relax on the porch.

I just hate having to deal with this sometimes.

Saturday morning will be sweet and sober!

RobbyRobot

Not for nothing, Ken. And you can take what I'm saying or just toss it, no problemo...

You want it too easy. When a guy starts to complain about the process of recovery, its a huge red flag. Big time.

You know, I like you. I hope you do well. I gotta tell you though, I've talked your talk, and drunk I got.

I hope you can hear my message with love.

Weasel1966

Robby

If I read my message from someone else I would have said what you said to me to them. My hearing dims when applied to myself.

Thank you for ringing my bell.

I do think this is just for today. I don't think, based on how I am feeling, that I am traveling down a road towards going backward.

My head is cloudy today. So it's was not easy to see just how much my AV was speaking.

Thank you.

Live2Run25

You got this Ken. I know you do!!

Fallow

thanks for keepin it real and posting this Ken.

great reminder im not the only one who feels a certain way today.

hope you have a great friday

Weasel1966

Fallow.... I think it's healthy to say when I see potential weakness on the horizon. I have learned to identify the feeling.

As Robby said there are times when we express things in ways that set us up for drinking. Almost giving us permission. I need to be aware of that as I express cravings. There is a difference.

Today is just one of those days. But that's not a reason to do anything other than let the feeling pass.

So I will stay on here a lot. Read my AVRT book some more. Talk with sober friends. And try to enjoy my day.

Hope you don't give in to those thoughts. They are just thoughts and not actions!

Ken

NoFireWater

Ken, good for you to think it all through, examine why it's happening, and stay focused on your goals, even though you want to ditch the whole thing and kick back and have a few pops. I get bummed out this whole thing requires so much thinking and attention too. I want it to be easy. I want to not have this problem. Yet, I do, and it is getting easier to stifle the AV than it was the first week or two. I'm thankful for that.

Fridays are just an extra challenge for many of us. It comes regularly each week, and it's the day I most hate my decision not to drink. It's the day the AV brings out the big guns. The day my friends try to get me to drink. I'm trying to focus on big picture and think ahead to how bummed out I'd be if I ended up in the hospital, or arrested for dui, or forgot something important ,etc. Dealing with things like that would be harder for me than this is. That's the reality, so I'm trying to stay on course.

Fallow

I definitely am learning to see that potential weakness coming. Last night I got so nervous about it as I was invited out to a pizza joint which serves a ton of beer Im sure. Ive never been there but I was amped up about even putting myself in that situation. I was so relieved it didnt happen.

I ended up feeling better after a rough start this morning ate a bunch and after work just talked with a friend on the phone. Resolve is definitely trending much higher now. I know I can accept the thoughts and not act on them just gotta keep that in mind.

ReadyAndAble

By not recognizing the AV in that very first sentence? Sorry you had a rough one. Way to go hanging in there, venting, doing what it took to get through it. You definitely have the strength to fight it. But for me, it's a lot less work if I can take a moment to recognize those feelings for what they are, and whence they came. That awareness helps me to step out of the way emotionally, and let them pass on by.

Bad days are not the price of sobriety. That's just the price of life, as seen through sober eyes.