New Relationship help!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 60
New Relationship help!
Hi Everyone
I have been in recovery for nearly 5 months and I have met a guy online who is working abroad for the next 6 weeks. We have been chatting via skype and I am really taken with him and I think he is with me. My problem is how and when do I tell him that I am am a recovering alcoholic. He is big into honesty as I am or as the new me is.
I attend aftercare once a week in London and he knows I go up there but has never asked why until an e-mail I received this morning. I have answered but avoided the question but I am sure he will ask again. Hw knows I don't drink and I have told him it was a health decision as not wanting to lie to him.
I had planned to tell him when we finally meet in September/October but things seem to be progressing and I know this is only an online thing, but I don't want to lie to him just maybe avoid the truth until I can tell him in person or would I be better to send him an e-mail and tell him the truth so he has time to digest it and either accept me or run!!
He is a drinker by the way but not a heavy one and he has said he will prob not drink around me and save it for when he is out with mates. Any advice would be greatly appreciated as I don't want to screw this up.
Thanks in advance.
Ally
x
I have been in recovery for nearly 5 months and I have met a guy online who is working abroad for the next 6 weeks. We have been chatting via skype and I am really taken with him and I think he is with me. My problem is how and when do I tell him that I am am a recovering alcoholic. He is big into honesty as I am or as the new me is.
I attend aftercare once a week in London and he knows I go up there but has never asked why until an e-mail I received this morning. I have answered but avoided the question but I am sure he will ask again. Hw knows I don't drink and I have told him it was a health decision as not wanting to lie to him.
I had planned to tell him when we finally meet in September/October but things seem to be progressing and I know this is only an online thing, but I don't want to lie to him just maybe avoid the truth until I can tell him in person or would I be better to send him an e-mail and tell him the truth so he has time to digest it and either accept me or run!!
He is a drinker by the way but not a heavy one and he has said he will prob not drink around me and save it for when he is out with mates. Any advice would be greatly appreciated as I don't want to screw this up.
Thanks in advance.
Ally
x
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: London
Posts: 42
Hi Ally
If I was you I would be honest about it.
It is not a crime that you have a problem with alcohol. Although you have achieved so much and for that you should be deeply proud of yourself and the person that you are today. That takes great courage, heartache, understanding and strength. Who would not love that?
Just ping him a quick email and tell him that you respect his honesty and that you want to share something with him. "Where I am at today sort of thing".
If he really is that genuine and good I am sure he shall understand. I truly believe in fate 100% if he is meant for you then he won't pass you. I understand your fears although not to tell him will only affect you internally.
Most importantly if you are honest within yourself that will take this great burden off you forever. So the very worst thing that can happen is that inside you find peace. I try and look for the positive in any environment. I hope this is making sense.
Don't be scared we only fear the unknown and that is living in the future where imagination plays.
We need to live in the now.
What you think about yourself is much more important than what others think of you.
Go for it, roll the dice so to speak as fortune favours the brave. I know this from experience.
Sorry for the odd cliché although they are truthful.
I hope this helps.
It is not a crime that you have a problem with alcohol. Although you have achieved so much and for that you should be deeply proud of yourself and the person that you are today. That takes great courage, heartache, understanding and strength. Who would not love that?
Just ping him a quick email and tell him that you respect his honesty and that you want to share something with him. "Where I am at today sort of thing".
If he really is that genuine and good I am sure he shall understand. I truly believe in fate 100% if he is meant for you then he won't pass you. I understand your fears although not to tell him will only affect you internally.
Most importantly if you are honest within yourself that will take this great burden off you forever. So the very worst thing that can happen is that inside you find peace. I try and look for the positive in any environment. I hope this is making sense.
Don't be scared we only fear the unknown and that is living in the future where imagination plays.
We need to live in the now.
What you think about yourself is much more important than what others think of you.
Go for it, roll the dice so to speak as fortune favours the brave. I know this from experience.
Sorry for the odd cliché although they are truthful.
I hope this helps.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: New England
Posts: 1,067
I'd tell him about it if you feel that comfortable with him. You don't need to explain every detail about it... maybe just that alcohol makes you really "sick" when you drink it so you choose not to? Or if there's a really strong connection with the two of you then just tell him everything! 
You might be surprised...
You might be surprised...
Peace, Love, Sobriety
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 1,549
I would just be honest and straight forward. "listen, there is something you should know about me, I am a recovering alcoholic" It's just that simple. And I'm sure if he really likes you as much as it sounds like, he won't mind at all.
Run to live... live to run
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Western Maryland
Posts: 1,091
I say it all the time...."The truth will set you free"
I think you should tell him the truth. You are not a bad person because you had problems with alcohol. In fact, you stood up against your problem and quit drinking. Very strong thing to do. Like others have said he should know now, and if for some reason he doesn't like what you tell him, you can be saved the heartache now intead of a year later because you didn't speak up.
I think you should tell him the truth. You are not a bad person because you had problems with alcohol. In fact, you stood up against your problem and quit drinking. Very strong thing to do. Like others have said he should know now, and if for some reason he doesn't like what you tell him, you can be saved the heartache now intead of a year later because you didn't speak up.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 60
I just wanted to say thank you to you guys, I took your advice and e-mailed him and he still wants to meet up when he is back from his work abroad. In the meantime he still wants to chat and see what happens.
I feel free, my side of the street is clean as they say and I have been honest with him and that feels good.
Thank you again.
Ally
I feel free, my side of the street is clean as they say and I have been honest with him and that feels good.
Thank you again.
Ally
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,126
It always amazes me -- but shouldn't -- that the default mode for alcoholics is to not tell the truth. I see it in myself all the time, every day, 24 hours.
But I am so impressed you had the courage to tell him. Mighty powerful stuff.
Good going!
But I am so impressed you had the courage to tell him. Mighty powerful stuff.
Good going!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: London
Posts: 42
Yey!
I hope the felling that you sit with now shows the true power of the truth.
Well done, what a massive leap forward.
The more you progress and develop this mind set, the more complete you shall be.
That's great to know, thanks for telling us.
Have a great day.
Well done, what a massive leap forward.
The more you progress and develop this mind set, the more complete you shall be.
That's great to know, thanks for telling us.
Have a great day.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Southeast US
Posts: 332
Originally Posted by Live2Run25 
...you stood up against your problem and quit drinking. Very strong thing to do.
Good luck!
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
I think as an alcoholic i/we can get a bit obsessed with it.
When i think back to when i was "normal" i'd have not really worried if the person i was dating had said they were alcoholic, i might have asked if they still drank and if they'd get in a flap if i got drunk.
Bestwishes, M
When i think back to when i was "normal" i'd have not really worried if the person i was dating had said they were alcoholic, i might have asked if they still drank and if they'd get in a flap if i got drunk.
Bestwishes, M
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
