Telling On Myself.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 2
Telling On Myself.
I just joined this forum because I need some advice from other addicts and I have to tell on myself, which is something I've been avoiding for a couple of weeks now. I have 125 days sober. It's getting harder and harder to resist drinking and drugging. In the beginning I was very adament about attending meetings at least 5 times per week. I called my sponsor as often as I had time and saw her at meetings often. Now, I haven't been to a meeting in weeks, maybe a month or so. I haven't talked to my sponsor since before I accepted my 90 day coin. I'm basically avoiding recovery. I'm not sure exactly why.
In my addiction I tore my family apart. And at this point, I think the only thing keeping me from using and drinking is the fact that I wont have my family anymore. It's enough to keep me away from it for now, but I can't live like this for much longer. I know I need to be more proactive in my recovery but when it comes time to do it, I just find myself making excuses not to put the work in.
Not sure exactly what I'm asking for here. Any advice or knowlege would be great.
Sincerely,
White Knuckles.
In my addiction I tore my family apart. And at this point, I think the only thing keeping me from using and drinking is the fact that I wont have my family anymore. It's enough to keep me away from it for now, but I can't live like this for much longer. I know I need to be more proactive in my recovery but when it comes time to do it, I just find myself making excuses not to put the work in.
Not sure exactly what I'm asking for here. Any advice or knowlege would be great.
Sincerely,
White Knuckles.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 31
Hi there,
Firstly well done for reaching 125 days, that's a fantastic accomplishment. I think it's natural to go through difficult phases when you're tempted to drink or use again. That feeling of wanting to drink but not wanting to drink can tear you apart. Maybe just set yourself the goal of attending one meeting - don't think about the one after that. Maybe you'll feel differently after seeing your sponsor again. Then see how you feel after that. You've got everything to gain by staying sober and I wish you all the best.
Firstly well done for reaching 125 days, that's a fantastic accomplishment. I think it's natural to go through difficult phases when you're tempted to drink or use again. That feeling of wanting to drink but not wanting to drink can tear you apart. Maybe just set yourself the goal of attending one meeting - don't think about the one after that. Maybe you'll feel differently after seeing your sponsor again. Then see how you feel after that. You've got everything to gain by staying sober and I wish you all the best.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
Hi Scarlet
I think a lot of us are pretty good at self sabotage...it's a common character trait for an addict....and our addictive self loves that.
A lot of us can get tired of 'recovery'...I can remember having kiddie tantrums myself...I wanted to be normal, didn't want to be different anymore, I convinced myself that staying sober was so much work, while conveniently forgetting how much work it was to stay drunk or high...
Part of recovery for me was getting used to not having immediate gratification anymore...it was also about learning responsibility and patience and commitment.
Those were things I treated with contempt when I was in active addiction...but they were the things I learned to value in recovery.
If there was an easy road I'd point everyone to it...but the point is I learned a lot from working for my recovery - especially the trudging times.
There's no short cuts...you'll get out of your recovery exactly what you put into it.
You already know where you're falling down and how much else you could do...so why not go do it?
D
I think a lot of us are pretty good at self sabotage...it's a common character trait for an addict....and our addictive self loves that.
A lot of us can get tired of 'recovery'...I can remember having kiddie tantrums myself...I wanted to be normal, didn't want to be different anymore, I convinced myself that staying sober was so much work, while conveniently forgetting how much work it was to stay drunk or high...
Part of recovery for me was getting used to not having immediate gratification anymore...it was also about learning responsibility and patience and commitment.
Those were things I treated with contempt when I was in active addiction...but they were the things I learned to value in recovery.
If there was an easy road I'd point everyone to it...but the point is I learned a lot from working for my recovery - especially the trudging times.
There's no short cuts...you'll get out of your recovery exactly what you put into it.
You already know where you're falling down and how much else you could do...so why not go do it?
D
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Chepstow, Monmouthshire
Posts: 58
Snap!! :-)
I am 110 days and sometimes it's a horrendous battle to stay sober, to keep "plodding on". I get tired and frustrated, I can 'sense' that there are better things down the line, but it all seems so far away... I keep going as I look at my family and remind myself how much I love them, and how much pain I caused. I know it's not about me, but it keeps me in check. I have a photo of my nephew that stops me inmy tracks when I start entertaining the thoughts a bit too much :-).
Well done by the way, four months is awesome :-)!!
I am 110 days and sometimes it's a horrendous battle to stay sober, to keep "plodding on". I get tired and frustrated, I can 'sense' that there are better things down the line, but it all seems so far away... I keep going as I look at my family and remind myself how much I love them, and how much pain I caused. I know it's not about me, but it keeps me in check. I have a photo of my nephew that stops me inmy tracks when I start entertaining the thoughts a bit too much :-).
Well done by the way, four months is awesome :-)!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 18
Congratulations on 4 months!!
I am 122 days sober also and I can relate. It was exciting in the beginning, I made new AA friends, having a sponsor was exciting, it was all new. Now, life is cropping up and having to cope with life. The financial damage I caused prior to me drinking is coming up and stressing me out. I have to start dealing with some things and when I think about it, I just want a drink so I can 'check out'. But I know where that's going to lead me...no place good. I've been tempted to isolate, last week, I avoided everyone in AA and ignored my sponsor. For addicts from what I've learned in AA, when we start doing that and backing away from our support and the program, the chances for relapse are a lot higher.
Even if you don't feel like it, please call someone and give recovery a chance. It's really just taking one step at a time, and one day at a time. It sounds cheesy but it works. White knuckling only lasts so long because it's miserable. Recovery will give you the chance to really find the peace and freedom from the addiction. I wish I could give you a hug!
I am 122 days sober also and I can relate. It was exciting in the beginning, I made new AA friends, having a sponsor was exciting, it was all new. Now, life is cropping up and having to cope with life. The financial damage I caused prior to me drinking is coming up and stressing me out. I have to start dealing with some things and when I think about it, I just want a drink so I can 'check out'. But I know where that's going to lead me...no place good. I've been tempted to isolate, last week, I avoided everyone in AA and ignored my sponsor. For addicts from what I've learned in AA, when we start doing that and backing away from our support and the program, the chances for relapse are a lot higher.
Even if you don't feel like it, please call someone and give recovery a chance. It's really just taking one step at a time, and one day at a time. It sounds cheesy but it works. White knuckling only lasts so long because it's miserable. Recovery will give you the chance to really find the peace and freedom from the addiction. I wish I could give you a hug!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
