How to rid that lonely feeling
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
How to rid that lonely feeling
I have been very depressed for the last week I went to my mental health doctor and can't increase the antidepressants due to the rapid cycling that goes with the bipolar disorder I have.
I am finding that I feel lonely almost all the time even when with friends is this common during this process? anyone else experienced it?
I have started isolating myself at home again I know I am the only one who can do anything about that I just wanted to know if this has happened too others.
I am finding that I feel lonely almost all the time even when with friends is this common during this process? anyone else experienced it?
I have started isolating myself at home again I know I am the only one who can do anything about that I just wanted to know if this has happened too others.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 493
Dear Angie
What a difficult time for you. My god mother is a phychiatrist - and I have a very good friend who is bipolar. It seems this is common. But not a necessary emotion. There is a lot that can be done to help. My godmother, Dr Williamson, says allong with medication it is critical you have therapy too - there is a lot of cognitive training therapy that can help you manage these episodes. There are ways you can break the cycle with therapy. Another point - if you have been with same doctor for years and not seeing a real difference - always a thought to get a second opinion - as there are so many phchiatric (spelling?) drugs available / combination of drugs - you will find each doctor has their own 'preferred mix' - and perhaps this is not working for you?
The biggest thing is to be aware of how you are feeling - and to be aware that this is a chemical 'feeling of low' that it is NOT reality. That you are NOT alone. Sounds so simplistic and I certainly don't mean to belittle the true seriousness of bi-polar... but these episodes of depressoin and lonliness can render one completely helpless and completely overwhelmed. Whilst telling yourself 'this is not a real feeling - it is simply chemical' - force yourself to get up and dressed. Put on your favourite perfume, put on walking shoes - and go and excercise - go for a walk - go and spoil yourself - do anything to remove yourself from your immediate environment. Phone a friend you trust - and share how you are feeling - do anything to 'break' the mood.
My love and prayers
What a difficult time for you. My god mother is a phychiatrist - and I have a very good friend who is bipolar. It seems this is common. But not a necessary emotion. There is a lot that can be done to help. My godmother, Dr Williamson, says allong with medication it is critical you have therapy too - there is a lot of cognitive training therapy that can help you manage these episodes. There are ways you can break the cycle with therapy. Another point - if you have been with same doctor for years and not seeing a real difference - always a thought to get a second opinion - as there are so many phchiatric (spelling?) drugs available / combination of drugs - you will find each doctor has their own 'preferred mix' - and perhaps this is not working for you?
The biggest thing is to be aware of how you are feeling - and to be aware that this is a chemical 'feeling of low' that it is NOT reality. That you are NOT alone. Sounds so simplistic and I certainly don't mean to belittle the true seriousness of bi-polar... but these episodes of depressoin and lonliness can render one completely helpless and completely overwhelmed. Whilst telling yourself 'this is not a real feeling - it is simply chemical' - force yourself to get up and dressed. Put on your favourite perfume, put on walking shoes - and go and excercise - go for a walk - go and spoil yourself - do anything to remove yourself from your immediate environment. Phone a friend you trust - and share how you are feeling - do anything to 'break' the mood.
My love and prayers
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
Originally Posted by Lara 
Dear Angie
What a difficult time for you. My god mother is a phychiatrist - and I have a very good friend who is bipolar. It seems this is common. But not a necessary emotion. There is a lot that can be done to help. My godmother, Dr Williamson, says allong with medication it is critical you have therapy too - there is a lot of cognitive training therapy that can help you manage these episodes. There are ways you can break the cycle with therapy. Another point - if you have been with same doctor for years and not seeing a real difference - always a thought to get a second opinion - as there are so many phchiatric (spelling?) drugs available / combination of drugs - you will find each doctor has their own 'preferred mix' - and perhaps this is not working for you?
The biggest thing is to be aware of how you are feeling - and to be aware that this is a chemical 'feeling of low' that it is NOT reality. That you are NOT alone. Sounds so simplistic and I certainly don't mean to belittle the true seriousness of bi-polar... but these episodes of depressoin and lonliness can render one completely helpless and completely overwhelmed. Whilst telling yourself 'this is not a real feeling - it is simply chemical' - force yourself to get up and dressed. Put on your favourite perfume, put on walking shoes - and go and excercise - go for a walk - go and spoil yourself - do anything to remove yourself from your immediate environment. Phone a friend you trust - and share how you are feeling - do anything to 'break' the mood.
My love and prayers
What a difficult time for you. My god mother is a phychiatrist - and I have a very good friend who is bipolar. It seems this is common. But not a necessary emotion. There is a lot that can be done to help. My godmother, Dr Williamson, says allong with medication it is critical you have therapy too - there is a lot of cognitive training therapy that can help you manage these episodes. There are ways you can break the cycle with therapy. Another point - if you have been with same doctor for years and not seeing a real difference - always a thought to get a second opinion - as there are so many phchiatric (spelling?) drugs available / combination of drugs - you will find each doctor has their own 'preferred mix' - and perhaps this is not working for you?
The biggest thing is to be aware of how you are feeling - and to be aware that this is a chemical 'feeling of low' that it is NOT reality. That you are NOT alone. Sounds so simplistic and I certainly don't mean to belittle the true seriousness of bi-polar... but these episodes of depressoin and lonliness can render one completely helpless and completely overwhelmed. Whilst telling yourself 'this is not a real feeling - it is simply chemical' - force yourself to get up and dressed. Put on your favourite perfume, put on walking shoes - and go and excercise - go for a walk - go and spoil yourself - do anything to remove yourself from your immediate environment. Phone a friend you trust - and share how you are feeling - do anything to 'break' the mood.
My love and prayers
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
There was a time, somewhere between my darkest days and my early recovery, where I too isolated and would rarely leave the house. It was very unlike me, but I only felt safe in my house. I didn't want to interact, I felt like I was faking it to put on pleasantries, so I stayed home when I could.
What helped me was to start small. I made myself take a walk for half an hour, then an hour every day. We lived by a big beach so I could do that alone and still be outdoors. Then I made myself interact, maybe at a store, maybe with a neighbour, but I made myself speak to at least three people for a short time.
Then I took up hobby photography. It gave me something positive to look foreward to, it took me outdoors, and on occasion I would join a class that was going on a day trip to lighthouses or barns or waterfalls...and began to love it.
My point is that it took forcing myself to take small steps that led to bigger steps. I learned that bad days and sad times don't last forever. I learned that life is good and there is great beauty in the nature...whether I choose to participate or not.
Keep walking CB, we`re walking beside you.
Hugs
What helped me was to start small. I made myself take a walk for half an hour, then an hour every day. We lived by a big beach so I could do that alone and still be outdoors. Then I made myself interact, maybe at a store, maybe with a neighbour, but I made myself speak to at least three people for a short time.
Then I took up hobby photography. It gave me something positive to look foreward to, it took me outdoors, and on occasion I would join a class that was going on a day trip to lighthouses or barns or waterfalls...and began to love it.
My point is that it took forcing myself to take small steps that led to bigger steps. I learned that bad days and sad times don't last forever. I learned that life is good and there is great beauty in the nature...whether I choose to participate or not.
Keep walking CB, we`re walking beside you.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Minneapolis
Posts: 924
Hi Angie,
I am right there with you dear!
Before I met my ex I was in grad school for three years and working full time so I didn't have a lot of social time.
When I met my ex I was just finishing school, and falling in love at light speed with a chronically relapsing addict and discovering I had the capacity to become a full blown codependent took up the 2.25 years after school.
I used to kid around that my friends wouldn't notice that I had "disappeared" into a relationship because I had already been so busy.
SO fast forward to when we finally really split, Feb 14th...a mere five months ago...and I had had a full time, live in, companion and lover who also occupied my mind and spirit in that special way that only happens between addict and codependent (completely, entirely, obsessively) and add to that grief and shame and blame and self doubt and the straggling velvet tentacles of lost hope...
and well, I found I was in somewhat of a social vacuum
and, well, that's something like where we are at
in your case, add in clinical/brain chemisty issues and WOW!
when I talked about a relapse in your other post I meant a relapse for YOU (or ME)
sometimes in the depths of the loneliness and bleakness of letting go of the old obsessive hope there is a realization that you are letting go of something that at least was there part of the time
it is easy to forget to play the whole tape through
especially when they start coming around with addict honey...the remorseful puppy dog
I have discovered that I need to give myself some patience. I have been making little dates with friends and sponsor. But still, those dates are usually ONLY about two hours, where the ex and I LIVED together...I had a constant companion...and I don't anymore, I had to ask him to leave. I live alone in my big old house, and sometimes it feels so empty. And my bed feels empty, and that seat at the dining table, and that seat at the extra desk, and that seat in my canoe, and that ariondack chair out front where he would wait for me to come home from work...etc etc etc!
I also know that underneath my pain and loneliness is something I need to discover about me. There is a part of me that is resistant to doing the very things that will make me feel better. I need to pay attention to that part of me..."she" needs attention. "She" gets it by wanting sugar, or movies and vegging out, or other endorphins found by whatever means. "She" needs love, she needs my love and patience and caring.
Today I am going to get my hair cut and I can't wait for her to wash my hair and massage my scalp. I notice when the (finally!!) cooling breeze brushes my skin. I let myself cry. And I try to think L O N G T E R M.
I know that by next summer I will feel different, as I already have come so far. I know you will too...if you don't "use".
Clarity will continue to increase. Do everything you can to promote self care, and when you can't, or won't, then let yourself cry. Loneliness and depression probably feel very much the same, and we are afraid of both in our culture. I am trying not to repress my loneliness and letting it guide me into trying to understand a pattern in my life...
take care of your loneliness and I hope you continue finding some sort of relief for your bipolar.
you are not alone!
I am right there with you dear!
Before I met my ex I was in grad school for three years and working full time so I didn't have a lot of social time.
When I met my ex I was just finishing school, and falling in love at light speed with a chronically relapsing addict and discovering I had the capacity to become a full blown codependent took up the 2.25 years after school.
I used to kid around that my friends wouldn't notice that I had "disappeared" into a relationship because I had already been so busy.
SO fast forward to when we finally really split, Feb 14th...a mere five months ago...and I had had a full time, live in, companion and lover who also occupied my mind and spirit in that special way that only happens between addict and codependent (completely, entirely, obsessively) and add to that grief and shame and blame and self doubt and the straggling velvet tentacles of lost hope...
and well, I found I was in somewhat of a social vacuum
and, well, that's something like where we are at
in your case, add in clinical/brain chemisty issues and WOW!
when I talked about a relapse in your other post I meant a relapse for YOU (or ME)
sometimes in the depths of the loneliness and bleakness of letting go of the old obsessive hope there is a realization that you are letting go of something that at least was there part of the time
it is easy to forget to play the whole tape through
especially when they start coming around with addict honey...the remorseful puppy dog
I have discovered that I need to give myself some patience. I have been making little dates with friends and sponsor. But still, those dates are usually ONLY about two hours, where the ex and I LIVED together...I had a constant companion...and I don't anymore, I had to ask him to leave. I live alone in my big old house, and sometimes it feels so empty. And my bed feels empty, and that seat at the dining table, and that seat at the extra desk, and that seat in my canoe, and that ariondack chair out front where he would wait for me to come home from work...etc etc etc!
I also know that underneath my pain and loneliness is something I need to discover about me. There is a part of me that is resistant to doing the very things that will make me feel better. I need to pay attention to that part of me..."she" needs attention. "She" gets it by wanting sugar, or movies and vegging out, or other endorphins found by whatever means. "She" needs love, she needs my love and patience and caring.
Today I am going to get my hair cut and I can't wait for her to wash my hair and massage my scalp. I notice when the (finally!!) cooling breeze brushes my skin. I let myself cry. And I try to think L O N G T E R M.
I know that by next summer I will feel different, as I already have come so far. I know you will too...if you don't "use".
Clarity will continue to increase. Do everything you can to promote self care, and when you can't, or won't, then let yourself cry. Loneliness and depression probably feel very much the same, and we are afraid of both in our culture. I am trying not to repress my loneliness and letting it guide me into trying to understand a pattern in my life...
take care of your loneliness and I hope you continue finding some sort of relief for your bipolar.
you are not alone!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
There is a part of me that is resistant to doing the very things that will make me feel better.
I find that just getting started is tough for me. The preparation.....like putting on a pair of shoes so that I can go for a walk (don't know why but I don't like shoes....if I could go barefoot all of the time, I'd love it!). Once I'm actually DOING what I'm resistant to doing, I find myself enjoying it. So the resistance makes no sense.
Angie....you've been on SR on and off for a long time.....I've seen so much growth in your posts over the last several months it's AMAZING! Give yourself some credit here! Progress not perfection! Give yourself a high five for how far you've come and don't focus on how far you have to go!
Much love and gentle hugs
ke
The sun still shines
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 472
Angie, I have found that the best way to get through the dark periods in my life, is to give myself permission to wallow in self-pity and depression for a time. It never worked for me to try and force myself to feel better.
You have been through a lot and you would not be human if you didn't feel depressed. Embrace the depression and see it for what it is: you are mourning a phase in your life and getting ready to move on to something new. Allow yourself to feel what you are feeling, don't try and suppress it.
I used to put a time limit to my depression. I would tell myself that I will allow myself to feel depressed for another month (or two or six, depending on the situation) and then start moving on. Once I allowed myself to really feel sorry for myself for a while, it invariably disappeared after a while.
Feeling down when you have been through so much is a normal part of life. The sun will shine again, but first you have to move through the clouds. (((hugs)))
You have been through a lot and you would not be human if you didn't feel depressed. Embrace the depression and see it for what it is: you are mourning a phase in your life and getting ready to move on to something new. Allow yourself to feel what you are feeling, don't try and suppress it.
I used to put a time limit to my depression. I would tell myself that I will allow myself to feel depressed for another month (or two or six, depending on the situation) and then start moving on. Once I allowed myself to really feel sorry for myself for a while, it invariably disappeared after a while.
Feeling down when you have been through so much is a normal part of life. The sun will shine again, but first you have to move through the clouds. (((hugs)))
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Volunteering is a healthy outlet. Hospitals, libraries, senior centers, animal shelters, churches and about a million not for profits would love to benefit from your willingness to volunteer your time.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: In a better place
Posts: 282
Sorry to hear you're feeling low, CB. When I was at my lowest point a few years ago (depression, anxiety, suicidality), along with the right meds and therapy, I had to take things very slowly. And I had to give myself permission to do that, which a good counselor helped me with.
Even today, as KE mentioned, there is a resistance in me to the very things I know will improve my mood/outlook. I try not to give it too much attention, almost like a small child who resists a nap because that's what small children do, but who falls blissfully to sleep once settled in. I insisted on healthy routines and schedules and activities for my children, even though they resist them at times--all natural--so I try to treat myself as tenderly as I do my children when they need a firm, loving guide. Sometimes just being very gentle with yourself can help you move from feeling bad to feeling better.
I hope you take comfort in all the people who care about you here on SR and in your "real life." Praying your spirits will be lifted.
Even today, as KE mentioned, there is a resistance in me to the very things I know will improve my mood/outlook. I try not to give it too much attention, almost like a small child who resists a nap because that's what small children do, but who falls blissfully to sleep once settled in. I insisted on healthy routines and schedules and activities for my children, even though they resist them at times--all natural--so I try to treat myself as tenderly as I do my children when they need a firm, loving guide. Sometimes just being very gentle with yourself can help you move from feeling bad to feeling better.
I hope you take comfort in all the people who care about you here on SR and in your "real life." Praying your spirits will be lifted.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
Ann, I sometimes forget that slow is OK thank you for the reminder. I never early thought about you ever feeling this way I see your recovery shining so bright and tend to forget most of us start in a similar place.
Leslie, I have been in a social vacuum for more years than I would like too admit. People didn't seem to understand or they would judge my oldest sons schizoaffective disorder so I isolated , then my middle son had Hodgkins Lymphoma and I had almost a year of driving 160 mile a day for chemo and radiation for him as well as hospital stays as, well as my daughter was admitted to a treatment facility for anorexia all the while I was trying to keep up with my own appointments for treatment for the bipolar while hubby was chasing his DOC at that time.... I lost social years ago.
I also know that underneath my pain and loneliness is something I need to discover about me. There is a part of me that is resistant to doing the very things that will make me feel better. I need to pay attention to that part of me..."she" needs attention. "She" gets it by wanting sugar, or movies and vegging out, or other endorphins found by whatever means. "She" needs love, she needs my love and patience and caring.
Thanks for that reminder.
KE, There is a part of me that is resistant to doing the very things that will make me feel better.
I am the same as you once I get started I am ok I also hate shoes lol.
Sunshine, thanks for your kind words.
outtolunch, I do think I will check with my library I love that place thanks for the suggestions. I always volunteer places for Christmas maybe it is time too do more.
Prayingmama, you hit the nail on the head I need too do myself like I did my kids .
I am glad to know this, is somewhat normal and that I am not going insane because it sure felt like it. I have a meeting tonight I am so glad.
Leslie, I have been in a social vacuum for more years than I would like too admit. People didn't seem to understand or they would judge my oldest sons schizoaffective disorder so I isolated , then my middle son had Hodgkins Lymphoma and I had almost a year of driving 160 mile a day for chemo and radiation for him as well as hospital stays as, well as my daughter was admitted to a treatment facility for anorexia all the while I was trying to keep up with my own appointments for treatment for the bipolar while hubby was chasing his DOC at that time.... I lost social years ago.
I also know that underneath my pain and loneliness is something I need to discover about me. There is a part of me that is resistant to doing the very things that will make me feel better. I need to pay attention to that part of me..."she" needs attention. "She" gets it by wanting sugar, or movies and vegging out, or other endorphins found by whatever means. "She" needs love, she needs my love and patience and caring.
Thanks for that reminder.
KE, There is a part of me that is resistant to doing the very things that will make me feel better.
I am the same as you once I get started I am ok I also hate shoes lol.
Sunshine, thanks for your kind words.
outtolunch, I do think I will check with my library I love that place thanks for the suggestions. I always volunteer places for Christmas maybe it is time too do more.
Prayingmama, you hit the nail on the head I need too do myself like I did my kids .
I am glad to know this, is somewhat normal and that I am not going insane because it sure felt like it. I have a meeting tonight I am so glad.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Yes, this happens to me and yes, this is part of the process. I am glad you notice your feelings, that's a good thing. When you notice this, it is your responsibility to do something about it, no one else's. It is good you went to the dr but the anti-Ds are only going to get you so far. You have to observe, are you isolating yourself? When I am isolating myself and have gone too long, I get frantic and suicidal, even with SR. Internet cannot replace real human contact.
So you have to find whatever it is that will get you out of the house, out of your head, and sharing with other people. Doesn't matter what it is. Maybe you like basket weaving or quilting or something. Al-Anon meetings are good for this. And so is church. Because you find loving and caring people there. I for one cannot stand to be around people physically, so it's sort of a catch-22 for me. BUT, being around people is just like taking your medicine. You just have to do it.
There is no ONE person on earth who you can cling to to make your feelings OK. You have to find multiple people you can call on who you feel good around. It's about balance. But you've got to go through a bunch of people before you can find those you are comfortable with.
So you have to find whatever it is that will get you out of the house, out of your head, and sharing with other people. Doesn't matter what it is. Maybe you like basket weaving or quilting or something. Al-Anon meetings are good for this. And so is church. Because you find loving and caring people there. I for one cannot stand to be around people physically, so it's sort of a catch-22 for me. BUT, being around people is just like taking your medicine. You just have to do it.
There is no ONE person on earth who you can cling to to make your feelings OK. You have to find multiple people you can call on who you feel good around. It's about balance. But you've got to go through a bunch of people before you can find those you are comfortable with.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 1,698
Hi everyone, I have also isolated too many times since last year when my world crumbled around me. It seems that I could go weeks and then I would "crash and burn" and isolate while everyone else around me continued to live. I also have resisted, resisted things that are good for me. My issue was a haircut. I went 1 1/2 years without one! I finally got it done last week AND I love it! I went shorter than usual and the bounce and shine was evident as soon as she was done. I even splurged for a blow dry 
Angie, hang in there. You are so strong and going through so much , I am humbled at your fight and your faith.
Love
Teresa
Angie, hang in there. You are so strong and going through so much , I am humbled at your fight and your faith.
Love
Teresa
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
(((Angie))) I think you are so brave and strong. I admire you more than you can possibly know. You have shared so honestly with us and i am so sad to learn of all the major hardships you have been dealt in your life. Any ONE of those would be enough to hobble most people, yet you have had many, many difficult and even traumatic events take place all the while dealing with your own bi-polar disorder. You have done an amazing job in taking care of yourself in these last few months, especially. I hope you can see all that you have accomplished against all odds. You are an amazing person.
I remember reading a very good article about the subject of depression a few years ago and specifically that the very heart of the difficulty with depression is that the things that are prescribed are the exact polar opposite of what we FEEL like doing! That's what makes it so difficult to treat. So none of us are unique in isolating when we KNOW that we should be out and about! It's what we do!
My daughter was in DBT therapy for a long time and it involves the family members as well...it's a very healthy therapy for anyone actually in learning how to deal with difficult emotions effectively. In case you're interested, here is the chapter about "opposite action"....the skill of doing the opposite of what you feel like doing. Read other chapters (links in the sidebar) if you are inspired to do so. DBT is very helpful.
I wish we could hang out together. ((((hugs))))
I remember reading a very good article about the subject of depression a few years ago and specifically that the very heart of the difficulty with depression is that the things that are prescribed are the exact polar opposite of what we FEEL like doing! That's what makes it so difficult to treat. So none of us are unique in isolating when we KNOW that we should be out and about! It's what we do!
My daughter was in DBT therapy for a long time and it involves the family members as well...it's a very healthy therapy for anyone actually in learning how to deal with difficult emotions effectively. In case you're interested, here is the chapter about "opposite action"....the skill of doing the opposite of what you feel like doing. Read other chapters (links in the sidebar) if you are inspired to do so. DBT is very helpful.
I wish we could hang out together. ((((hugs))))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
Learn2Live,I like you am in a catch 22 I have panic disorder with agoraphobia there have been times my therapist has had to be on the phone with me encouraging me just to step on the porch thankfully the agoraphobia is no where near as bad as it use to be. I make myself go in public at times I know I have too as far as antidepressants my doctor will only let me have 10mg of Paxil due to the bipolar most of my meds. are mood stabilizers.
Teresa, thank you for your kind words and I am happy you like you haircut
tjp, thank you for your kind words I am the type of person who realizes everyone has hardships to overcome and many are more than mine and in some sick way that helps me get through rather pathetic thinking.
Teresa, thank you for your kind words and I am happy you like you haircut
tjp, thank you for your kind words I am the type of person who realizes everyone has hardships to overcome and many are more than mine and in some sick way that helps me get through rather pathetic thinking.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Yes I have a bit of agoraphobia myself. Ech. I'm thinking about carrying a hammer everywhere so I increase the odds of getting out of places LOL But seriously, keep working on it. Don't let it paralyze you. Do u take fish oil? It helps. So does exercise.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: In a better place
Posts: 282
Another agoraphobic here, too. Was virtually crippled by it as a child, lessened a bit when I was a teen/young adult, it returned and I eventually sought treatment for it, and I learned to live/work with it. But it took a long time (the right antidepressant helped), and it returns when I am under stress.
Used to feel I was the only person on the planet with this weird phobia. Just knowing I'm not alone is such a blessing, no matter what the issue.
Hope you're feeling better today, CB.
Used to feel I was the only person on the planet with this weird phobia. Just knowing I'm not alone is such a blessing, no matter what the issue.
Hope you're feeling better today, CB.
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