how could I love her and allow her to hurt herself
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 18
how could I love her and allow her to hurt herself
the guilt is eating me alive. I might have been able to stop all this madness and she would be home with me.....if only i'da manned up.
I didn't want a huge confrontation. I didn't want to make accusations.
I didn't want a huge confrontation. I didn't want to make accusations.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
You could not stop her if she was gonna use she would have found a way no matter what... if manning up would stop addiction then so would love none of us would be here.
Maybe your guilt is coming from using with her? She would have likely used anyways just behind your back she was a recovering addict she knew what would happen.
Get to some more meetings and read like crazy.
Maybe your guilt is coming from using with her? She would have likely used anyways just behind your back she was a recovering addict she knew what would happen.
Get to some more meetings and read like crazy.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 499
The past is the past. Besides, even if you had a huge confrontation, she would still be an addict. That's your ego talking, thinking you can control someone else or that everything they do is as a result of something you have done or not done. The truth is that none of us are that important, none of us have that control over somebody else.
I find it really relaxing sometimes to visualize everything on one long solid line, a timeline, with me as a point on the line. Everything in front of me is empty and actionable, and all the points behind me are over and meaningless. So that essentially every new breath is a new fresh start looking at that future.
I can't do *anything* about things that have already happened - but I can decide today that I'm not going to help my sister use, even indirectly, and I'm not going to engage with her while she is using. Your girlfriend is in rehab - and you can't do anything at all about whatever happened before this moment right now. But you can start reading and going to group and gaining skills and insight to help you navigate all of the unknowns ahead. Every single day is a new day, for you and for her. She is hopefully learning about available tools for recovery, you can be learning about them also. You're in my thoughts.
I find it really relaxing sometimes to visualize everything on one long solid line, a timeline, with me as a point on the line. Everything in front of me is empty and actionable, and all the points behind me are over and meaningless. So that essentially every new breath is a new fresh start looking at that future.
I can't do *anything* about things that have already happened - but I can decide today that I'm not going to help my sister use, even indirectly, and I'm not going to engage with her while she is using. Your girlfriend is in rehab - and you can't do anything at all about whatever happened before this moment right now. But you can start reading and going to group and gaining skills and insight to help you navigate all of the unknowns ahead. Every single day is a new day, for you and for her. She is hopefully learning about available tools for recovery, you can be learning about them also. You're in my thoughts.
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