rollercoaster83

Hello out there!

Although I'm gaining lots of insight from reading everyone's posts...I really came on here to seek the support and understanding from other siblings of addicts.

My big brother is probably my closest friend in the world, he knows me inside out, holds the key to my past and i hope he will be the key to my future. He has been struggling with his addiction for the past 15 years. It all started when he was a kid, just smoking some weed no different from me or any of our friends growing up...but he just took it way too far. He's 32 and has nothing to show for his life! We grew up in an upper-middle class neighbourhood, we live a good life, we never went without, we had no reason to complain.
I don’t know exactly when the drugs started, probably around 11-13 but they quickly escalated. My parents tried everything to help guide him on the right path. When he was 16 he left home and moved downtown and this is when the hard drugs started. I didn’t see him much at that time, and when I finally did he was laying in hospital bed unconscious and looked skinny and pale after his first OD. It freaked me out! I tried my best to put him out of mind but I missed him! He moved home when he was 19, graduated highschool and even went to university. University, the next downfall, he was diagnosed with ADD and put on medications – which then pushed him back into drugs…he was dealing and god knows what else…he didn’t last 1 semester.

The last 12 years have been constant rollercoaster of relapse, rehab, relapse, rehab…my parents constantly support him (TOO MUCH!)! It hurts to see my father, in his late 70’s who just retired have to worry about supporting his son, when he should be thinking about all the fun things he will do with his retirement.

I'm quickly reaching my breaking point - I want so much to help him but i've decided for my own health and sanity i have to cut him off...this is the hardest thing i've ever had to do, especially since we are so close! I don't know what else to do anymore, i've tried every way of helping him! This relapse is especially difficult, he sent a bbm message to our brother saying he tried to kill himself with meth (which he hasn't touched in years). this is threw me into a whole slew of emotions, i can't forgive him for this mainly because we lost our older sister to suicide just 3 years ago. She had struggled with mental illness for her whole life and at 43 she decided to end it. It killed our family - we still are grieving and to hear that another sibling of mine tried to do this...nearly killed me.

He's now gone to our cottage for a few weeks - my parents way of getting him to detox and recover. He's supposed to check into rehab in our city...but we've heard about an intensive 8 month program that my dad is going to check out this week...hopefully some good will come out of this. But i know deep down if he really doesn't want to recover the rehab will do nothing!!

gah i ramble...thanks for letting me get this crap off my chest! I ramble to my friends but i feel like its too much for them and they don't get it. hopefully there is someone out there who understands!

Chris1000101

My sister and I came from a home with alcohol issues. Due to several forms of abuse, visits to police stations for photographs and hospital visits, we ended up in foster care. Sis is three years younger than I am. After a few homes, we were split up but we tried to stay in contact. Over the years we have decided to go NC with the entire bio-family, had to for our own sanity. There was a period, three years, I went NC with sis because of her using and drinking. A little over a year ago I started talking to sis again because she had been clean for more than a year. A friend of mine that seen her from time to time had to tell me because I had no idea.

That was a painful decision on my part and a very painful three years. I know it’s not true but the thoughts are still there from time to time. I was the oldest and it was my job to protect my little sister. During the abuse years there were times I sacrificed myself. We knew after the third beer that we needed to be out of sight for the night. If bio-dad came looking for us we knew the first one he found was going to get it the worst. When he got too close to sis I would make myself known to save her. During those three years it would briefly come to mind that I needed to save sis. It’s not easy to do but at least now she is beginning to remember things.


If I am understanding key to my past and future correctly, we are responsible for our own future with the decisions we make today and relying on the guidance of our HP.

As far as the past, your brother may remember some things that you may find beneficial but there is nothing that can be done to change the past and sometimes we have to accept not knowing. There are things I remember that I wish I didn’t but it makes me who I am today. As my sister asks question I’ll fill in the blanks for her. If she seems ready, there are items I’ll spoon feed to her and see how she reacts. The only thing so far that I will not share with her and I do not know if she will ever be ready for it, is the two times that our bio-mom tried to kill her. I do what HP leads me to do and the time may come but right now it is a definite no.

It’s not easy and I had a few tearful days thinking of all the things I could do, wanted to do and felt I needed to do. It wasn’t until I let go completely that she started seeking the help she needed on her own.