Ground Hog Day
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 91
Ground Hog Day
Just like the movie here we are again, just like last August trying to get AH into a detox program. Last year it was truly hell on earth. Always a drinker his alcoholism went into overdrive and he went to the ER 4x after passing out on the floor, got kicked out of an outpatient program after 60 days when he showed up drunk. He then managed in the next week drink on the morning we were taking him to a 30 day program that the ER doc said he should have been dead (.54 - yes that is the right #). The 30 day program found him another bed after he spent several days in the hosp. psych ward detoxing. He finished the program, finished the 6 month outpatient and was going to AA. He (knock on wood) had never got a DUI but his reputation at work where he is a driver was shot. It took him the last year to get it back. I have been attending AlAnon meetings every few weeks as time allowed.
Then the last week in July, while I was away visiting family he fell off the wagon. Bad news. Said he could get back on. Can't. Told him that he either gets into detox or he needs to find a place to live. That shook him up. I gave him a big duffel. He packed and left this a.m. There wasn't any work and he came back. I told him he wasn't allowed here and he needed to call his family members and see if they had a bed for him OR find a bed at detox.
I just got a call from my son that they had a bed, the insurance was approved and they are on their way.
I stood my ground. Thank you AlAnon. Now my next decision is about my marriage of 24 years. In his drunken haze he kept yelling that he wanted a divorce. And of course when he sobers up says he doesn't mean it. I am at at point now that the divorce would be the right thing. I am tired of dealing with all of this. I need to relax and have more control in my life.
Then the last week in July, while I was away visiting family he fell off the wagon. Bad news. Said he could get back on. Can't. Told him that he either gets into detox or he needs to find a place to live. That shook him up. I gave him a big duffel. He packed and left this a.m. There wasn't any work and he came back. I told him he wasn't allowed here and he needed to call his family members and see if they had a bed for him OR find a bed at detox.
I just got a call from my son that they had a bed, the insurance was approved and they are on their way.
I stood my ground. Thank you AlAnon. Now my next decision is about my marriage of 24 years. In his drunken haze he kept yelling that he wanted a divorce. And of course when he sobers up says he doesn't mean it. I am at at point now that the divorce would be the right thing. I am tired of dealing with all of this. I need to relax and have more control in my life.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: wales
Posts: 22
well done you on standing strong, i admire you for knowing whats best to do for him and you doing it. Next step on deciding on your marriage, good luck and go with what your head says. i'll be thinking of you
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: new moon road
Posts: 1,545
You did GREAT.
You've been through a lot of stress, so no decisions that will affect the course of your life need to be made anytime soon.
The neutral tone of your post is so healthy. It is that kind of tone which works best for all involved: "You're drinking? Pack your bags. It is not my problem."
When the alcoholic realizes the wife is not going to mop up after him anymore, he just might become a functioning, recovering member of AA.
But that is not your problem, is it?
You've been through a lot of stress, so no decisions that will affect the course of your life need to be made anytime soon.
The neutral tone of your post is so healthy. It is that kind of tone which works best for all involved: "You're drinking? Pack your bags. It is not my problem."
When the alcoholic realizes the wife is not going to mop up after him anymore, he just might become a functioning, recovering member of AA.
But that is not your problem, is it?
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Winnie, sounds like you're thinking very clearly. Your boundaries are explicit, he knows them, and you are acting on them. With that in his mind, and after a year sober and in AA, he has more chance of owning his own behavior than many do, and a lot of that is due to you.
Isn't that funny, by NOT being responsible or accountable for his behavior, you may have impacted more than you could have by monitoring and guiding it.
Good luck as you think through what YOU want to do next.
BothSidesNow
Isn't that funny, by NOT being responsible or accountable for his behavior, you may have impacted more than you could have by monitoring and guiding it.
Good luck as you think through what YOU want to do next.
BothSidesNow
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Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 436
Isn't that funny, by NOT being responsible or accountable for his behavior, you may have impacted more than you could have by monitoring and guiding it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Hants
Posts: 16
Originally Posted by winnie1202 
Just like the movie here we are again, just like last August trying to get AH into a detox program. Last year it was truly hell on earth. Always a drinker his alcoholism went into overdrive and he went to the ER 4x after passing out on the floor, got kicked out of an outpatient program after 60 days when he showed up drunk. He then managed in the next week drink on the morning we were taking him to a 30 day program that the ER doc said he should have been dead (.54 - yes that is the right #). The 30 day program found him another bed after he spent several days in the hosp. psych ward detoxing. He finished the program, finished the 6 month outpatient and was going to AA. He (knock on wood) had never got a DUI but his reputation at work where he is a driver was shot. It took him the last year to get it back. I have been attending AlAnon meetings every few weeks as time allowed.
Then the last week in July, while I was away visiting family he fell off the wagon. Bad news. Said he could get back on. Can't. Told him that he either gets into detox or he needs to find a place to live. That shook him up. I gave him a big duffel. He packed and left this a.m. There wasn't any work and he came back. I told him he wasn't allowed here and he needed to call his family members and see if they had a bed for him OR find a bed at detox.
I just got a call from my son that they had a bed, the insurance was approved and they are on their way.
I stood my ground. Thank you AlAnon. Now my next decision is about my marriage of 24 years. In his drunken haze he kept yelling that he wanted a divorce. And of course when he sobers up says he doesn't mean it. I am at at point now that the divorce would be the right thing. I am tired of dealing with all of this. I need to relax and have more control in my life.
Then the last week in July, while I was away visiting family he fell off the wagon. Bad news. Said he could get back on. Can't. Told him that he either gets into detox or he needs to find a place to live. That shook him up. I gave him a big duffel. He packed and left this a.m. There wasn't any work and he came back. I told him he wasn't allowed here and he needed to call his family members and see if they had a bed for him OR find a bed at detox.
I just got a call from my son that they had a bed, the insurance was approved and they are on their way.
I stood my ground. Thank you AlAnon. Now my next decision is about my marriage of 24 years. In his drunken haze he kept yelling that he wanted a divorce. And of course when he sobers up says he doesn't mean it. I am at at point now that the divorce would be the right thing. I am tired of dealing with all of this. I need to relax and have more control in my life.
I know it is a case of " physician heal thyself", but if you are strong enough, leave him! The biggest regret I have is returning. I spent 6 months crammed in a grotty little room with my 15 year old twins, but I can't remember when I last felt so much at peace and stress free! It was knowing that there wouldn't be an abusive drunk staggering through the door! Really liberating! Finally I relented for the sake of the kids and the dogs. I am nearly 50 and have made too many fresh starts. I am tired. I do feel cheated out of what should have been the best years of my life!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 91
Originally Posted by MrsH
I know it is a case of " physician heal thyself", but if you are strong enough, leave him! The biggest regret I have is returning. I spent 6 months crammed in a grotty little room with my 15 year old twins, but I can't remember when I last felt so much at peace and stress free! It was knowing that there wouldn't be an abusive drunk staggering through the door! Really liberating! Finally I relented for the sake of the kids and the dogs. I am nearly 50 and have made too many fresh starts. I am tired. I do feel cheated out of what should have been the best years of my life!
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