Negative self talk
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Negative self talk
We all have it. That voice that directs and speaks with us that we hope no one can hear. Negative self talk is that voice telling us self limiting comments. The self loathing part of us.
I knew well before I ever touched a drink what negative self talk was all about. I mastered it early on. The reason I become self aware to it is because it got so bad I started to doubt it.
I was told everyday from the time I was 6 till my early adulthood that I was a worthless piece of **** by my step father. He told me other things but this is the big one. He was an alcoholic and a mean one at that. I was the object of his rage.
But that's not the point here. It's merely the setting.
The point is that I told myself these things over and over many many times a day. I would go from believing them to saying what? I am not! I learned in my late teens to see myself from a position outside myself. It helped that I felt disconnected from everything and everyone around me but to be honest. I am great full for this skill.
These thoughts persisted relentlessly day in and day out. It can be argued that this was my addictive voice growing up with me and waiting for the moment to take over. I disagree with that. I have two distinct voices. Don't laugh... I still remain sane. I think.
I still catch myself reminding me that I can't do anything. I am not smart. I am an never going to get anywhere why try. I am not.. I am not... I am not... It goes on and on.
I hear my AV say similar but different things. Take that drink. You know you want it anyway.
The end goal is much the same but with a different food source.
I find I need to fight both nearly constantly now that I am shifting my consciousness to being a sober person.
It creates a terrible cycle. I beat myself down in one breadth and convince myself to drink in another.
It's simply because I have known my first voice longer that makes me more skilled at defeating it. In fact I have been very successful in my life in many areas despite it. *I achieved far more than raw opportunity dictated.
I believe this is solely Because I learned to manage negative self talk. Not defeat it but at least see it coming most of the time.
I have real hope surrounding my addictions. I have a core set of skills able to be retuned to beat the AV as I have negative self talk.
None of this is easy. But none of this is impossible either.
Why am I telling you all this? Because I don't want to be alone in this. I know I am not.
Who fights addiction with a healthy self image anyway? Only a fool.
What kinds of negative self talk do you battle?
I wrote mine down so I could fight it better. It makes it clearer to see when I read the words and realize just how stupid it really is.
I knew well before I ever touched a drink what negative self talk was all about. I mastered it early on. The reason I become self aware to it is because it got so bad I started to doubt it.
I was told everyday from the time I was 6 till my early adulthood that I was a worthless piece of **** by my step father. He told me other things but this is the big one. He was an alcoholic and a mean one at that. I was the object of his rage.
But that's not the point here. It's merely the setting.
The point is that I told myself these things over and over many many times a day. I would go from believing them to saying what? I am not! I learned in my late teens to see myself from a position outside myself. It helped that I felt disconnected from everything and everyone around me but to be honest. I am great full for this skill.
These thoughts persisted relentlessly day in and day out. It can be argued that this was my addictive voice growing up with me and waiting for the moment to take over. I disagree with that. I have two distinct voices. Don't laugh... I still remain sane. I think.
I still catch myself reminding me that I can't do anything. I am not smart. I am an never going to get anywhere why try. I am not.. I am not... I am not... It goes on and on.
I hear my AV say similar but different things. Take that drink. You know you want it anyway.
The end goal is much the same but with a different food source.
I find I need to fight both nearly constantly now that I am shifting my consciousness to being a sober person.
It creates a terrible cycle. I beat myself down in one breadth and convince myself to drink in another.
It's simply because I have known my first voice longer that makes me more skilled at defeating it. In fact I have been very successful in my life in many areas despite it. *I achieved far more than raw opportunity dictated.
I believe this is solely Because I learned to manage negative self talk. Not defeat it but at least see it coming most of the time.
I have real hope surrounding my addictions. I have a core set of skills able to be retuned to beat the AV as I have negative self talk.
None of this is easy. But none of this is impossible either.
Why am I telling you all this? Because I don't want to be alone in this. I know I am not.
Who fights addiction with a healthy self image anyway? Only a fool.
What kinds of negative self talk do you battle?
I wrote mine down so I could fight it better. It makes it clearer to see when I read the words and realize just how stupid it really is.
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Notheast US
Posts: 524
Weasel:
I had to think hard about this one.
While I am not aware of any negative self-talk, I do know that I have never really put myself first.
My grandmother was emotionally abusive and cruel to my mother. Try as she might to break the cycle, Mom still carried bits of it to the next generation. When I was in my teens, about twice a year my mother would rip into my character for a good hour or so, leaving me in tears without a shred of self-worth. One of the things she used to repeatedly say was that I was selfish, the most selfish person she had ever met.
In time, I came to realize that these tirades had nothing to do with me and everything to do with her. I knew that I was not selfish; I am a very giving and generous person, even as a child.
Yet this has affected me in that I have not put myself first when I should have. Right now, building a life of sobriety, I have to put myself first. If I don't, I am no good to myself and by extension, no good for others.
Thank you for starting this thread.
I had to think hard about this one.
While I am not aware of any negative self-talk, I do know that I have never really put myself first.
My grandmother was emotionally abusive and cruel to my mother. Try as she might to break the cycle, Mom still carried bits of it to the next generation. When I was in my teens, about twice a year my mother would rip into my character for a good hour or so, leaving me in tears without a shred of self-worth. One of the things she used to repeatedly say was that I was selfish, the most selfish person she had ever met.
In time, I came to realize that these tirades had nothing to do with me and everything to do with her. I knew that I was not selfish; I am a very giving and generous person, even as a child.
Yet this has affected me in that I have not put myself first when I should have. Right now, building a life of sobriety, I have to put myself first. If I don't, I am no good to myself and by extension, no good for others.
Thank you for starting this thread.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: South East England
Posts: 8,009
I could SO relate to this Ken. I was talking about it to my sponsor last night.
To be told such negative things about yourself as a child means it gets imprinted on your very soul. You actually believe it. Why wouldn't you? No-one ever gave you a different opinion. When I say you, I mean ME of course.
That was me. So scared of doing anything that brought attention to myself. Fear of being ridiculed, humiliated. Thinking I'm not clever enough to do my job, constantly worrying about being 'found out' rtc etc.
Guess what it's not true!!
You know you're good at your job. I am too.
It is taking a long time to re-train my thinking, but I am getting far better at blocking those negative voices now. Every time I hear one whispering, I ignore it. I figure if I was really a crap teacher/wife/mum/friend, am sure I would have been found out by now. I look at the facts-successful career/happy marriage/wonderful thriving kids/great friends. They are real. My voice LIES!! It tries to get me to drink! NO WAY!!
75 days sober, and counting ......
Ignore the voices, you're doing great Ken xx
To be told such negative things about yourself as a child means it gets imprinted on your very soul. You actually believe it. Why wouldn't you? No-one ever gave you a different opinion. When I say you, I mean ME of course.
That was me. So scared of doing anything that brought attention to myself. Fear of being ridiculed, humiliated. Thinking I'm not clever enough to do my job, constantly worrying about being 'found out' rtc etc.
Guess what it's not true!!
You know you're good at your job. I am too.
It is taking a long time to re-train my thinking, but I am getting far better at blocking those negative voices now. Every time I hear one whispering, I ignore it. I figure if I was really a crap teacher/wife/mum/friend, am sure I would have been found out by now. I look at the facts-successful career/happy marriage/wonderful thriving kids/great friends. They are real. My voice LIES!! It tries to get me to drink! NO WAY!!
75 days sober, and counting ......
Ignore the voices, you're doing great Ken xx
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Flyer... That's great! I try to do that daily. Maybe writing it would make it easier. Thanks!
Slim I agree nothing about what I was told was about me. But as with you it's inescapable. So understanding is our best next self defense.
Sorry to hear you had to go through that. Glad your being sober and especially putting yourself first!
My best to both of you!
Ken
Slim I agree nothing about what I was told was about me. But as with you it's inescapable. So understanding is our best next self defense.
Sorry to hear you had to go through that. Glad your being sober and especially putting yourself first!
My best to both of you!
Ken
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Awesome Jeni! I have followed your story. I understand why you can say what you did.
I was like the part where you tried not to bring attention to yourself. That was me. The invisible kid.
Ken
I was like the part where you tried not to bring attention to yourself. That was me. The invisible kid.
Ken
Peace, Love, Sobriety
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Wilmington, DE
Posts: 1,549
Originally Posted by Weasel1966 
Flyer... That's great! I try to do that daily. Maybe writing it would make it easier. Thanks!
Slim I agree nothing about what I was told was about me. But as with you it's inescapable. So understanding is our best next self defense.
Sorry to hear you had to go through that. Glad your being sober and especially putting yourself first!
My best to both of you!
Ken
Slim I agree nothing about what I was told was about me. But as with you it's inescapable. So understanding is our best next self defense.
Sorry to hear you had to go through that. Glad your being sober and especially putting yourself first!
My best to both of you!
Ken
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,492
Ken, I agree with with what you said about negative self-talk. And, I believe that poor self-esteem (often from verbal abuse in childhood) is at the root of a lot of addiction problems.
I have been sober many years, but I still sometimes fall into the habit of negative self-talk. It will usually happen if I'm really tired and I have to stop myself, ground myself in the present moment, and move on. Something that helped me the most, was in early recovery when I really took a hard look at myself. I was a perfectionist, and of course, I often fell far short of the goal and negative self-talk felt right at home. When I let go of the perfectionist part of myself, I relaxed and was much less hard on myself.
Recovery is a journey and as you said, you need to put yourself first and the only thing that matters is if you are happy with yourself.
I have been sober many years, but I still sometimes fall into the habit of negative self-talk. It will usually happen if I'm really tired and I have to stop myself, ground myself in the present moment, and move on. Something that helped me the most, was in early recovery when I really took a hard look at myself. I was a perfectionist, and of course, I often fell far short of the goal and negative self-talk felt right at home. When I let go of the perfectionist part of myself, I relaxed and was much less hard on myself.
Recovery is a journey and as you said, you need to put yourself first and the only thing that matters is if you are happy with yourself.
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Very insightful.... Hmmmm... I appreciate the positive comment. But I often wondered if being oblivious were easier. But in that case I would be dead already. So I will take insightful anyday!
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
One of the ways i found of silencing the negative learned thoughts (or voice) , was to trace who had put those thoughts (voice) into my head to begin with ... It was quite supprising to find out who sat on my internal pannel of opinion givers .
I conciously populated my imagination with people who i felt would love and respect me and would listen to them rather than the old infernal chatterers ... after a few years of always conciously refering to the new pannel , the old pannel have completely dissapeared .
It may sound barmy but it was one of the major techniques i used in helping me get out of depression .
I conciously populated my imagination with people who i felt would love and respect me and would listen to them rather than the old infernal chatterers ... after a few years of always conciously refering to the new pannel , the old pannel have completely dissapeared .
It may sound barmy but it was one of the major techniques i used in helping me get out of depression .
Last edited by mecanix; 08-08-2012 at 12:53 PM. Reason: spelling !
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 35
I think negative self talk is a really big issue for me. I just have this little voice in my head that laughs at me every time I feel good about something (no not in a hallucinating kinda way).
I think a lot of it comes from my childhood and early adult years. For me, fighting those thoughts is just as hard as fighting my addiction.
I think a lot of it comes from my childhood and early adult years. For me, fighting those thoughts is just as hard as fighting my addiction.
A simple guy making his way
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Maine
Posts: 7,867
Habiba,
I think a lot of us feel that way. I had these feeling this morning and it was like wow. Really? Both of you at once?
What the most important thing to remember is this....we control everything. We being me being you.
My negative self talk has no energy on its own. Only I can give it life.
My addiction has no Energy on its own. Only I can give it life.
As AVRT showed me it cannot take that drink. It cannot get to the bar without me. I hold all the cards.
Does that help? For some it does. But to be quite honest I am an emotional drinker. Logic falls short at times. But I keep this in my head and most of the time I can beat it.
For those times I cannot I have other tactics.
Hope you feel better and don't believe those thoughts!!!
Ken
I think a lot of us feel that way. I had these feeling this morning and it was like wow. Really? Both of you at once?
What the most important thing to remember is this....we control everything. We being me being you.
My negative self talk has no energy on its own. Only I can give it life.
My addiction has no Energy on its own. Only I can give it life.
As AVRT showed me it cannot take that drink. It cannot get to the bar without me. I hold all the cards.
Does that help? For some it does. But to be quite honest I am an emotional drinker. Logic falls short at times. But I keep this in my head and most of the time I can beat it.
For those times I cannot I have other tactics.
Hope you feel better and don't believe those thoughts!!!
Ken
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