Beccalynn

I am a 36 year old female. I have been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember... I use to take it to school with me in middle school. When I first quit drinking I thought it was going to only better things for me. Now I have NO sex drive And that is not working out very nicely for my just going on two years relationship. I love my boyfriend very much, he is great in bed and will do just about anything my heart desires. So what can I do to help my sex drive?

spydermary

I wish I had an answer to this one, unfortunately I have the same problem.

I think for me it is a self-esteem issue. When I used to drink, I'd get more confident and comfortable with my body. But sober, I am ashamed and embarrassed.

DayTrader

Not sure if you're in AA or not.....if you are, get cracking on your steps - that's what worked for me. Well, that and a lot of time. I had a LOT of sexual dysfunction for the first year or so of sobriety - it's very common.

justhadenough

I'm the same. Even just after a couple of drinks I was more confident and few inhibitions.Now I'm self conscious and embarrassed.I've no answer either-think it's just a case of trying it and hoping I get more confident and relaxed as I get used to being sober

NoFireWater

I've had the same issue, although I think drinking may have killed my sex drive. Hoping sobriety will bring it back. Frustrating to be in a good relationship and know something is missing that you have no control over!

foodie1

My experience was that it totally nosedived for my first few months of sobriety then, as I started working on my own self, my intimacy issues, my sexual dysfunction, it came back in a healthy robust way.

Misguided

I'm 34 and with the same partner I was with before I quit drinking. I think this is my issue but now there are so many "what if's" going on in my head...

What if I've past my sexual prime? (if a such thing exists)
What if I really was better when I was drinking because my anxiety level was lower?
What if alcohol lowered my inhibitions so much that I did things that I would have never done sober no matter how much confidence I have?
What if I'm just too comfortable in my relationship?

It's gotten to a point of almost NEVER being in the mood now, and when I was drinking it was the complete opposite. I notice that when I might have a small amount of sexual desire, it passes within minutes, sometimes before the "act" has even begun and then I wish I would have never started it.

All of that makes me feel like a horrible person, especially since the person I'm with has experienced me on the other end of the spectrum. We have discussed it, but it really hasn't helped me and my mood any.

I've been searching for a good book to read on it because a lot of times reading material helps me tremendously. The only books I can find though are on sexual addiction. :-\

FlyerFan

How long have you been sober? for me it took almost 4 months for my body to return to normal. (yes I'm a woman, lol)

wow04

It took time for mine to come back. What helped was working the steps. Give it time. Work on the other aspects of your sobriety and you will be amazed what falls into place.

TorontoGuy28

.......talk to your doctor as well

FlyerFan

Also check in the forum "Women Only" there are some related discussions in there that may interest you.

Bonnie1

Don't want to blow my own trumpet, but mine's back already after a few weeks. And I am a nearly 55 year old girl, and my hubby is a nearly 60 year old boy!
It's what's called love, and aren't we just loving it.
We have had so many tough times, that right now we're just having fun. Just enjoy your life, it's so flipping short!

MemphisBlues

For alcoholics and addict like me, who also started drinking and drugging so early in life, I think we seriously screw up the pleasure-reward centers in the brain.

It takes time for that to heal. for me, sex wise, it was nearly a year and a half.

Do give time (hate this saying) time.

Dee74

Welcome beccalynn

I'm not sure how long you've been sober, but I'd agree with those who said to give it a little time - we really do a number on ourselves mentally and physically when drinking...

I'd imagine it's also a big step sober if you've mostly only associated sex with drinking.

I recommend you see a Dr or counsellor tho if you're really concerned.

D

Beetle53

Intimacy!! Nothing matters more... I hope you have a healthy and positive attitude about your body and your ability to connect with your partner physically. If you think those areas could use improvement, figure out why-and work on it. Mature, long-term relationships, aren't always very sexay, but sometimes they are. And those relationships require a lot of work at times, to keep things moving! Intimacy becomes SO important in mature relationships. There is a natural ebb and flow-but valuing physical closeness without sex, ginuine enjoyment of time spent together with no expectation of sex, and learning how to feel close through intimacy without sex- is really important! I hope this advice is useful. And try not to worry, it's normal for things to slow down a bit. You could also talk to your dr, it certainly couldn't hurt!

Jeni26

Sober sex?
I don't think I'd EVER tried it before a few months ago! Not ever!
Heck, when my H and I stopped drinking after 20 odd years, I was more worried about what we'd even have to say to each other!! I had no idea who the hell I was, and whether he'd still like me a little bit, let alone love me.
It is all part of the process. Be kind. Be gentle.
We have all got loads to learn about ourselves and connecting on an intimate level is just a part of it. Important, yes. But so is everything else.
Try not to worry x

courage2

Bumping this thread. If you're a woman, I also bumped an old thread on this topic in the Women in Recovery section, see:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...sex-drive.html

I hope women will post on this topic there, & I hope the link insert works!
--