owathu

AH went from wanting to set up a time for me to retrieve my personal items, which btw include my father's ashes to now saying it's not possible for me to do that and he will box up my items and send them to a storage facility. He's an active alcoholic, so I know that will never happen.

I just want my stuff, which is pretty much EVERYTHING in that house. I only have about a weeks worth of clothing and I just want my dad's ashes and my clothes and artwork. He can have literally everything else, I just don't care.

I have a few police friends from that city and I think I am going to have to use them to get my things. This is ridiculous. He wanted this, his actions have shown that. I am just going to have to file the divorce papers myself at this point because it's obvious he is avoiding it. I don't know why. You would think with his bar skank firmly ensconced in our place, he wouldn't want my stuff lying around. I just want this done already so I can move on with my life.

LifeRecovery

Gently-

Don't expect rational thinking from a person who is living with an irrational disease.

Be gentle on yourself you have so much going on right now. Sending hugs that this is even more difficult and that every time you try to take a step forward another blockage is thrown in your path.

Pelican

Sending strength and encouragement as you do the next best thing for YOU.

Thelma

When I was leaving an abusive bf years back, I had a local officer stand there with me while I collected my things. I was told ahead of time that if xbf at any given time says, "No you can't take that it's mine" everything stops and we have to fight it out in court. Just a little fyi. Since you only want certain things that obviously aren't his, this may not apply to you but wanted to give you the heads up just in case. I was lucky enough to get my things while xbf wasn't there.

sosickofcycle

Absolutely have the police escort you there, I believe it is called a civil standby. Go get your stuff and look him right in the eye when you walk past him into your place. Further, if the other things in the house were purchased by you why should he keep them? He shouldn't benefit from being a loser. Show up with a team of guys to help and a moving van. Go get your things sister! That's ,my opinion, don't be bullied into leaving all the stuff that is rightfully yours. That is just one more way he is abusing you, I think. Keep your chin up, stay strong!

tjp613

I just looked it up and here in Texas they won't help with civil standby any longer.

You need to consult with an attorney asap....or just get your cop friends or any other large, burly, cranky dudes to help you.

owathu

I just talked to a Detective friend of mine and he said he had a police buddy in that city where my AH lives and he can hook us up for me to get my things. He also warned that if AH disputes anything it would have to go to civil court. I don't want to do that, I just want my stuff.

owathu

Oh I know, but I am actually looking foward to getting a new bed and sofa. As far as I am concerned, her stink is all over those items and I want nothing to do with them. They've been eating off of my dishes, sitting on my sofa (that his dog destroyed anyways) sleeping in my bed...it's just gross to me and I wouldn't be able to enjoy using those objects because I would be thinking of that bar skanks stink.

I really just want my books, my artwork, my dad, my clothes, a rug a table and decorative items, plus a couple of other things my father left me. He can literally have everything else. It's all tainted and I would just rather start completely fresh. Even if I have to sit on the floor for a couple of months, it would be better than sitting on a sofa where those two probably made out, or worse. Shiver.

God, you guys are so supportive and always there when that panic hits when yet again, AH throws a wrench into things. He knows I want to leave. He for all intents and purposes wants to leave....so let me leave. He chose, he chose his alcohol. I would choose him, but he isn't willing to get rid of his first love, alcohol. He's so angry with me and yes, I enabled him and I probably did it out of some selfish need I had. But I never cheated, never disrespected him, never stopped loving him. He did all of those things and I am the bad guy. I hate this disease so much.

MamaKit

[ He's so angry with me and yes, I enabled him and I probably did it out of some selfish need I had. But I never cheated, never disrespected him, never stopped loving him. He did all of those things and I am the bad guy. I hate this disease so much.[/QUOTE]

Ughh..... I know this feeling all too well.
But you can hold your head high. You are only the bad guy in his sick mind. What does that count for? It's like Phyllis Diller criticizing your hair style (only worse) and you wouldn't listen to her would you? (Gosh, I hope you know who Phyllis Diller is or my lame attempt at humor will be wasted.):-)

Good luck getting your stuff. I love the idea of a fresh start with a new sofa.
MamaKit

tjp613

Good luck, sweetie. Let us know how it goes.

marie1960

Owathu, Many years ago my ex husband had a fling. I truly understand your pain and hurt. The other woman totally disgusted me, and I spent alot of my energy bashing her. At the time, I just effin hated her. And where did it get me?........ further down that black hole.

The other woman did not make a commitment to me, my husband did. I had to accept it was his free will, and his actions. What I am trying to say is, while I understand your complete disgust, it wasn't healthy for me to dwell on her. I could call her every name in the book and in the end it did absolutely nothing for my self worth. It didn't make me feel any better. I had to let go of all the bitter, nasty thoughts and words. They were starting to eat me alive.

As painful as today is, there truly is a brighter tomorrow ahead. Keep the faith and focus on yourself. You are worthy of so much more.