Weasel1966

Wow... it has been a month since this thread below. While I feel shame for it I am not shameful at this moment. I cringe but read it with a bit of a disconnect. Is that me? Did I feel that way?

Yes I did. I had a few upsets since then but each became lighter in intensity.

This is a game of ups and downs. LOL hell life is a game of ups and downs... we all know that but specifically drinking has its patters in my life. They mirror other ups and downs or even cause them all on there own.

Guess what I am muttering about is that I feel I have made some real progress.

The friendships here are what has brought me to the point I am at. No one goes it alone.

I have a big Dr's appt tomorrow. Endoscopy to see what damage I may have caused. And I have iron around 5 times normal. That can be dangerous if not treated. He gave me 4 months to stop drinking to make it change. If not the only way to reduce high iron is giving blood. I supposed it could be worse.

I am grateful today. Very grateful.

I have enjoyed my sober time more than anything. Just the relaxed feeling I get being able to reach all parts of me inside. There are corners I have not looked around in a while. But I am nearing them and a lot of things I should have been close to all along but wasn't. I am satisfied in that.

Off for another sober, clear day of work. I get so much done.

Thank you!

Ken

So long ago it seems

NoFireWater

I wasn't here at SR yet for that old post Weasel, but I loved your line "I was intoxicated by the environment before I was intoxicated with anything else". That rang so true for me. Give me an outdoor bar by the beach and it's like Pavlov's dogs for me lol I have not ventured near one of those...

Best of luck at your doctor's appointment tomorrow!! Congrats on sticking with it through the ups and downs

Weasel1966

Thanks NFW.

I agree. I lived in Maine many years. The bars and sounds and people can do me in in a second.

Jeni26

Hi Ken.
Always love reading your posts.
You're sounding so much more positive today xx

Weasel1966

Thanks Jeni. That means a lot to me. I do feel more positive.

When I got used to the chaos each day brought on because of drinking it takes a while to adjust to a relative calmness. Some days I am even sad for the loss of the chaos. Does that make sense? I know that's dumb.

Today is not one of those days. I feel good about my Dr visit and what the weekend holds. Past that is to far in the future for me right now.

Ken

departure

Congrats on your 30 days. I am on day 2...again. I have high iron too, not to the point of needing to draw blood yet. I have hemochromatosis - if you haven't already done a genetic test for it, you may want to ask your doctor when you go in. The iron deposits in your organs and your liver gets a double hit because of the alcohol. You are on the right path. Keep going.

Weasel1966

Hey departure... I was tested and have only one gene. That means my liver is not functioning ok and that's the reason for mine. I wish it was that but I did this all on my own.

I adjusted diet and exercise to combat it but drinking will certainly kill me if I done continue to abstain. We all know that it will but I am starting to build more proof I prefer not build.

freshstart57

Ken, this is good news. You have arrived at a place in your sobriety that permits a little retrospection, that unique vantage point can show us some things that weren't apparent the first time through.

There is some AV to be recognized in a few things you said. I bet you can find your addiction speaking if you look.