Talking about it with the kids
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Join Date: Jul 2012
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Talking about it with the kids
After reading stuff on here about being honest with the children I had a chance to do so tonight with one of my kids, my oldest boy, nearly 15.
That poor kid has, first time after I asked him too, other times after he realised someone had to, stepped in to keep the STBXAH away from me.
The first time I recall wanting/needing the kid's help I wailed, something like: "Will someone who is bigger than me stop this man from yelling at me and standing over me!" My children are bigger, stronger, faster and fitter than my STBXAH. The kid jumped up and came to get his father away from me and out of my face. I agree, he should not have had to. I have since totally disengaged from STBXAH therefore there are no "incidents". I know it's not fair to expect one of my kids to protect me from STBXAH.
This kid has had enough. However, he wants the fairy tale just as I did at his age. Have I mentioned my father is an alcoholic. SNAP
BINGO! I know...
So, we were alone in the car. I took a deep breath. I asked him how he felt about his father's behaviour and why I have asked his father to leave. He said he knew his father's behaviour was wrong. I told him that the behaviour was because his father is an alcoholic. First time I ever used that word to one of the kids. I also said that his father abuses drugs.
The kid seemed to get it. Maybe he just said what he knew I wanted to hear.
I remember saying something like "He refuses to stop drinking or taking drugs and he refuses to realise that drinking and taking drugs makes him behave badly. So for me to protect myself and you kids from his behaviour I need him to leave. He has had the opportunity to choose a calm life with us over drinking and drugs many, many times. But he always chooses drinking and drugs."
Well, I hope what I said sounded like that. That's what I meant. I hope I haven't ****** anything up. FWIW, I didn't swear when I was speaking with the kid..
That poor kid has, first time after I asked him too, other times after he realised someone had to, stepped in to keep the STBXAH away from me.
The first time I recall wanting/needing the kid's help I wailed, something like: "Will someone who is bigger than me stop this man from yelling at me and standing over me!" My children are bigger, stronger, faster and fitter than my STBXAH. The kid jumped up and came to get his father away from me and out of my face. I agree, he should not have had to. I have since totally disengaged from STBXAH therefore there are no "incidents". I know it's not fair to expect one of my kids to protect me from STBXAH.
This kid has had enough. However, he wants the fairy tale just as I did at his age. Have I mentioned my father is an alcoholic. SNAP
BINGO! I know...So, we were alone in the car. I took a deep breath. I asked him how he felt about his father's behaviour and why I have asked his father to leave. He said he knew his father's behaviour was wrong. I told him that the behaviour was because his father is an alcoholic. First time I ever used that word to one of the kids. I also said that his father abuses drugs.
The kid seemed to get it. Maybe he just said what he knew I wanted to hear.
I remember saying something like "He refuses to stop drinking or taking drugs and he refuses to realise that drinking and taking drugs makes him behave badly. So for me to protect myself and you kids from his behaviour I need him to leave. He has had the opportunity to choose a calm life with us over drinking and drugs many, many times. But he always chooses drinking and drugs."
Well, I hope what I said sounded like that. That's what I meant. I hope I haven't ****** anything up. FWIW, I didn't swear when I was speaking with the kid..
kudos to you for finding the courage.
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