Fdm

Hey there friends. I'm back for another try.

Last night at 1030 PM, I finally had my "What the Hell Am I Doing?!" moment. After a nice afternoon family movie, I opened a beer as soon as I got home. Them another, then another.

These have 9% ABV in each one, so you can imagine how I felt. I even remember telling myself that 1 will be enough since it was late in the evening, but, when my wife asked me why I was drinking at 1030 PM and not in bed, I had my moment of clarity. Well, sort of...it took a night of sleep and a cup of coffee to figure out that she was right. I didn't have an answer to her, except, that I wanted to drink at 1030.

I poured the last 2 bottles out right before I typed this.

I'm nearing 40, and my body is aching every day from 20 years of abuse at the Fire Department. My knees, my back, and now my right arm from my shoulder to my wrist is giving me fits like never before. I'm sure drinking is compounding the issues.

Silence12

Hey there,

It's strange how the alcoholic mind works. Of course drinking at 1030 PM is a good idea, because... erm... well, have this drink and then I'll tell you, honest!

Well done on pouring the bottles out, and for being here.

I've never been in that line of work, but it's obviously physically demanding - and the pain is more than likely progressive over the years, so is alcoholism. It's no coincidence really.

So, what's the plan then? No matter which route you want to go down, a plan is vital. Whether it's a program or even just writing down what you're going to stick to.

All the best

Fdm

I haven't gotten that far yet, lol.

I'll come up with one today. For now, it's simply not drinking.

Weasel1966

FDM... Then you got the most important one down. Not drinking. You will at some point have to put a few extra things around that to support the desicon but no one gets sober with out that one.

I hear you about how this is affecting your life. I had many aha ha moments but it still took a while for me.

Glad your back. Stay sober today. Think about where you want to go from here. If you can be sure to include your wife in these decisions. I found support from my partner was needed.

Dee74

Welcome back FDM

The plan thing...I know it's an annoying question, but it's *really* important.

If you don't want to end up in the same place again, you really need to think about a plan.

what else can you add to what you've been doing, what can you do differently...how can you turn bursts of sobriety into a lasting change of lifestyle?

they're pretty important questions.

D

Fdm

Dee, I would welcome any suggestions. I'm reaching out to y'all for help.

MrsKing

Look into all the recovery methods- they're all listed on this site. It isn't only limited to AA, there are others. For me, AVRT worked. There is a crash course online and it takes hardly any time at all - you can search for it on Google. It really clicked for me and has given me the strength to say 'I will never drink again' and not be afraid, but be DELIGHTED by this. Many others swear by AA... and there are others, too. But there is no magic bullet in this. You can't just do something because it's worked for others and hope it works for you too. Believe in yourself is required and an absolute determination to make it work... you CAN do this, and you WILL do it, if that is what you want more than anything and you believe that 100%. I wish you all the best, and hope you find what you need to get you sober soon. Good for you for getting rid of that beer.

Dee74

Depends on what you want and are prepared to do FDM.

would you see your Dr, think about counselling, or consider a recovery programme?

Are you prepared to look at your lifestyle and forge a few social activities for a while until you get you recovery on track?

No matter what any of us decides to do, we need to fundamentally accept that our drinking days are done and over, I think.

D

Fdm

Got a link?

sugarbear1

FDM, there's a Secular Forum on here, take a look (scroll down from the Newcomers to Recovery Forum). Info on AVRT, SMART, Rational Recovery is all there plus there are those who know those programs well who post there, too. Put AVRT into your search box and the website will come up. I think there are books for each of those programs on their sites.

For me, in the first few weeks, when I thought of drinking, I'd tell that voice (this is probably not in those programs, but it worked for me) "Maybe I'll entertain you tomorrow and drink, today, I choose NOT to drink." I haven't had a drink today in over 440 days now!

It worked until I worked the 12 steps of AA and my obsession to drink and all cravings disappeared for me; I was totally done messing up my life and feeling sick/getting sick every day.

My physical pains that I drank over (surviving a major auto accident and recuperating on public transportation) were worse in early recovery, but since then, they seem to have been able to heal properly, without alcohol in the mix! I feel terrific today.

I wish you well on your journey in recovery!

Hugs & love,

Scolova

Some of AVRT has helped me as well as AA's big book, steps and speakers. Most important was my determination to quit for myself (not for anyone else) and realizing the conflict in the addict's brain between the conscious thinking brain and the subconscious Limbic system which is the root of the voice. I became better at shutting down, overpowering the AV urges and can now do so quickly and move on.

IndaMiricale

There are lots of options I hope you pick one and run with it, I am 40 also and I couldnt live that way anymore.

Fdm

Well, I sorta implemented Phase 1 today. I told my wife that I was going to try for good this time, and after lunch, I took a 2.5 mile walkabout from my office to the neighborhoods near me. I was brisk and walked with purpose, and I hope that I cleared my mind of failure. I think I need to get back into these walks each day.

Fdm

Would you be comfortable elaborating?

LoftyIdeals

fdm...I'm glad you are back. You can do this thing - quitting. And your body will feel better. You've been pouring salt in your wounds, and not giving your body a chance to heal itself. Sobriety will do that for you. I know, as my pain is reduced 90+% since quitting. Pain is felt in the mind, and drinking makes your mind sick and weak. I know you have many reasons to quit, but if resolving your pain is high on the list, you are speaking my language. It doesn't come right away, but it comes.

instant

It is possible and after over a year for me now I can say all the effort is well worth it. Just keep at it.

freshstart57

I also refused the whole idea of helplessness, powerlessness and surrender. I grabbed the bull by the horns and refused to do that cr@p anymore, and looked, read and researched until I found a way forward. It is only my way, but it has changed my life in ways that I could never have imagined. My aches and pains were minor compared to yours, I am positive, but they are gone nonetheless.

The most important thing here, FDM, is to decide that you are done with drinking, and that nothing can ever make you drink again. Not just done, but done-done. Best to you.

Dee74

I'm pretty sure you're heard this speil before FDM

There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.

Really check out the all the links - you may find something you like

D

Hevyn

Welcome back into the fold, fdm. I'm glad you want to try this again. We know you can do it. It was so hard for me to admit it was no longer fun, or an escape from reality. Only misery lay at the bottom of that glass. Wish I'd realized that at your age.

IndaMiricale

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ht-were-i.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...alcoholic.html

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...can-touch.html


I have no problem sharing. These couple threads, I hope give you bit of my story. I hope it helps even a little.